Friday, May 27, 2011

The Maid Thing

Recently someone asked me how you do the "maid thing". I admit, when I was younger, maid fantasies use to bother me because they implied it's a woman's place to clean. However, it also generally involves a french maid outfit, and no one really wears those when cleaning either. So the fantasy has a historic context, and I like history. I forgive anyone with a maid fantasy of any chauvinist pig-ism. It's actually a great fantasy to play out because you get some house work done, and who couldn't use a little extra cleaning around the house? While there is certainly variation, maid fantasies tend to be very similar. I'll go over the generic maid fantasy in case anyone is unfamiliar with it. Then I'll break it down into it's parts so you can more clearly understand the fantasy. And lastly I'll optimize it to get the most cleaning out of your sub!

Since the maid fantasy will vary from man to man, I'm just going to write out a generic but common version of it. Start by either shaving your sub's genitalia, or making him do it on his own. If he's already shaved, you're good to go. Then you help him into a french maid outfit sans panties but including a choker and high heels. Put a little makeup on him, if nothing else, some whore-red lipstick. Then complete the package with a butt plug. If he's not erect when you finish prettying him up, tease him a little until he is, and then give him a small task to complete. You can spank him when he misses something or isn't working fast enough. Make an excuse to wander past him now and then and feel him up. When he finishes, refresh his erection and give him another small task.

The maid fantasy is primarily a feminization fantasy. First there's the shaving of the genitals, this certainly has a feminization angle, but it also gives a feeling of vulnerability. Some fantasies also include shaving of the legs as well, but some skip the shaving entirely. The big tell on this fantasy however is the maid outfit. Why doesn't he have a slave fantasy where he cleans naked in chains? The excuse for putting on one of these, along with the make up, is most certainly a feminization fetish. Sure this is also humiliating, so there's some of that in there, but you could humiliate him as he cleans without the maid outfit. The butt plug option varies from person to person as well, it's not in everyone's fantasies. It's generally a humiliation or degradation thing. You have to use one with a flange and a narrow neck so it doesn't pop out. You can put on panties over it to help hold it in. Lastly there's the erection, which many men assume they'll carry around with them the whole time, so you have to constantly refresh the erection for fear of him getting bored and not wanting to do play out this fantasy again.

So how can we make this fantasy easier, funner, and possibly even cheaper? Well let's start with the french maid outfit. Sure, it's great once, but they are difficult to clean and expensive replace, not to mention hard to get (if it's not Halloween). They tend to be more trouble than they are worth. If the sub really has the body for it, then I find the frilly maid outfit sexy, but honestly, this usually isn't the case. If you just have more time than money, or your maid-to-be isn't set on the french maid outfit, I suggest skipping it entirely. Since the maid outfit provides the feminization angle, I suggest you modernize your maid. Go to Walmart, Kmart, or some other cheap store. Second hand stores are a good choice as well. Pick out an outfit with a short skirt for your sub. Short is ideal so his cock will poke out when erect. I think mini dresses are the most fun, but anything will do. Just make sure it's skanky and cheap. If you can find something in his size, the same goes with the high heels, just get something cheap. If you feel so compelled, you can also pick up a bra and cheap lipstick. I suggest having him try everything on in a changing room. If you're afraid someone you know will see you, drive to a store further out or just get a bunch of different sizes and return what doesn't fit. There's no special cleaning directions and because they were cheap, you can throw them away guilt free if they get stained, torn, or whatever. Speaking of stained and torn, I've found cheap frilly panties at the dollar store if that sounds like fun. Another fun thing to do is to give him a feminine name and talk to him like he's a girl. That should take care of the feminization angle; sure it's not French, but who cares?

Now there was a bit of humiliation and degradation in the fantasy, but they weren't major things. Physically helping him dress covers this, as does doing his makeup or showing him how to do it. The short skirt also helps with this because his erection will be visible. You can still do the anal plug but again, be careful it's not going to come out. Always use a flanged plug with a thin neck and a wide head. If you feel humiliation was an important angle for your sub, you can take pictures or videos. And if you can get some without his face you can even post them online anonymously. Another trick is to make him ask for it, "Tell me you want to be dressed as a girl and forced to clean."

The big thing however, is the erection. Let's not beat around the bush, this is the real motivator here. This is what will keep it fun and have him wanting to replay this fantasy again and again. We want him to be erect for as much of the cleaning as possible. Sure you could follow him around groping every minute or two, but at some point it becomes easier to just do the cleaning yourself. What works best is a remote controlled vibrator, or a remote controlled e-stim device. E-stim is a lot of fun and probably works best -- you can even get butt plug attachments for it -- but is much more expensive. Use it if you have one! You can even shock him with it if he's not going fast enough or working hard enough. Just make sure the vibrator or e-stim add-ons are securely attached. With a vibrator I suggest bondage tape or masking tape. For smaller remote eggs you can hold it to the head of his cock and trap it there with a condom. (Then secure the condom.) Rope can work sometimes, but it will be tricky. Perhaps make a game out of it for your sub, if he can attach the vibrator so it won't fall off he gets an orgasm, but if it comes off he doesn't get to come. Whatever device you use, the remote control is the important part here. It will change this from a chore for you, into an easy game.

When you see he doesn't have an erection, use the remote to give him one. Even if he does have one, randomly stimulate him a little every now and then, perhaps when you turn a page in your book. Most remotes have different strength settings, so you may be tempted to keep it on low, but don't! There are only two things this can result in, an orgasm, which ends his blissful cleaning, or, and this is more likely, he will get use to it and go soft. The human body quickly adapts and after a while it will be like it's not on at all, and it will take even stronger stimulation to achieve an erection. The advantage of using a remote control is you can turn it on and off without much work. You don't have to stop what you're doing; you don't have to get your hands messy; you don't have to walk over to him; you don't even have to be in the same room as him if you want to just stimulate him randomly. Just don't use a constant setting and you'll be fine.

Some men simply want to be dressed up and made pretty before working, and dressing them up "pays" for all the work they will do, but in my experience these men quickly bore of the fantasy. If you want a pet who will not only clean house for you frequently, but enjoy it, then this is the way to go. Sure you are using his fantasies to your benefit, but a sub won't hate you for this, they will love you for it. You can flat out tell them you are using their perversion against them to get house work done and they will only get more turned on. Of course everyone is different, so you might have to tweak a few things, but this is a pretty solid foundation to build from. And don't forget, a horny slave is a happy slave.

Friday, May 20, 2011

Quick But Kinky

I want to talk about quick but kinky orgasms. One of the few downsides to restricting your sub's orgasms is they become very invested in that orgasm, and missing it because you ran out of time is a sad and disappointing event. However, there's no reason you can't give a short but kinky orgasm. You might think your sub will feel cheated, but as long as your sub has been worked up sexually while being denied -- I suggest a masturbation schedule -- then a short but kinky orgasm will still be much enjoyed and much appreciated.

The caveat here is that this isn't necessarily true for a sub who's been denied orgasm much much longer than they are use to. When working out what is roughly an agreement with my sub about orgasm denial, I always say I reserve the right to delay an orgasm due to punishment. This means one alternative is to find an excuse to punish your sub and deny him orgasm for another day. In fact, this is always a way out, but it gets old fast. If there's nothing special about his period of denial, go with a quick orgasm. There are plenty of fast and easy things you can mix into a quick orgasm to make it more kinky. Just make sure you mix it up; don't use the same combination of things each time.

One fun thing you can do is to take off your panties or socks and use them as a gag for your sub. If it's a sock I suggest you turn it inside out so they are tasting your feet and not the floor. You can do the same with your panties but some choose not to flip them inside out to be "kind" to their sub. In reality a truly horny sub will tend to find these "gross" things even more sexy. Nonetheless, if you feel self-conscious putting your used panties into your pet's mouth, you can plan ahead a little and sneak off into the bathroom to put on a fresh pair before you play. You can do the same thing with your socks if it bothers you.

This is the sister idea to the previous one. Sit on his face. You can angle how you sit so your ass or your pussy is over his face. You can silence him with pressure or make him lick you. You could also lay with your feet on his face and make him kiss or lick them. Again some people will be self-conscious about this, and I wish I could help you get over it, because a sub will enjoy it. Even if he doesn't, feeling that he has to tolerate it in order to get an orgasm will turn him on even more. Either way you win when it comes to kink.

You can bind him to a bed or a chair. You could spend a lot of time doing this carefully, but there's no need to spend much time on it. I suggest using handcuffs and ankle cuffs. They are very fast. If you have a chair you want to bind him to, cuff his hands behind the back position his feet to the side of the side chair, and make the ankle cuffs go around the back. If it's one of those chairs with one central support then wrap the ankle cuffs around the center once. Bound to a chair your pet will sometimes be able to close his legs, when this is the case I find simple instruction works good enough. "If you close your legs you will not be allowed to come today." If you have a four poster bed you can use two ankle cuffs and two handcuffs to secure him quite quickly. If your bed has four feet you can emulate the four poster bed with four additional ankle cuffs. Attach an ankle cuff to each foot of the bed and then attach the other end of the ankle cuff to the hand cuff or ankle cuff you will use on your sub. There are also many quick bed bondage solutions you can buy along with some do-it yourself solutions.

Cock and ball bondage! Again, it's possible to spend a lot of time on this, but you can also do it quite quickly with the help of rubber bands. You can put one around his cock and balls, double it or triple it back over depending on how much room there is. You can put one around the balls themselves. Just stretch them from one area to another anyway you want. You can literally have a tight secure package in less than 30 seconds. Shoe laces or a heavier rope can also be quickly tied around a cock and balls, but it takes a little more practice to be fast with those. I say the rubber bands are fine. You can even get a big bag of them for a dollar at the dollar store.

If your sub has more time than you, this opens up a whole other area of options. These fall in the category of "prepare yourself for me." You might find this situation is a more common occurrence, as the sub has more motivation to make time. Don't feel bad about this, take advantage of it and have your sub do some of the work for you. It doesn't take much to turn self-play into shared-play. One key thing here is in how you tell him to do things. Make sure you phrase things as a command, and never start your sentences with things like "why don't you" or "if you'd like." Use the words "for me" whenever you can and make sure your pet knows he is doing these things for you, not for himself.

There are lots of things you can have your pet do. You can tell him to tie up his cock and balls. You can be specific and have them separate each testicle, or have them coil a rope around their balls so they are pushed away from their body. Or you can leave it open ended and tell him to be creative with the rope or to think of something that would impress you. You can tell your toy to insert a butt plug as part of the preparation. You can even have him bind himself to the bed or a chair - my comments about bed or chair bondage also apply here. Depending on what you have to use, sometimes he will have to leave one arm unlocked, but you can quickly secure that one for him.

Another entertaining option is to pick out a vibrating toy and have my sub tie the toy to himself. I also pair this with instructions to bind himself to the bed. Then when he's ready I turn on the toy and if he can come with the set up he invented, he gets an orgasm. If he can't, his punishment is no orgasm. It's a simple and fun game. If he sucks at it, you can give him a set number of tries. If he turns out to be too good at it, you can pick an awkward shaped toy. I might over use this one, but I've gotten no complaints! You can slowly turn up the vibrator to make it last a little longer, but sometimes I prefer to just set it to max and see what happens (especially with the Hitachi). You can vary what toy he's using to keep things interesting, or add other requirements such as having one attached to each testicle as well.

And let's not forget good old fashioned masturbation. Have your pet masturbate for 20 minutes before you get started. A specific form of masturbation, called edging is also a wonderful tool. To edge, your pet masturbates until he is close to orgasm, and then keeps himself as close as he can without going over. This is error prone and a pet can mess up here, but I think it's still a worthy task. If you're worried about him going over, tell him to bring himself to the edge X number of times with Y number of minutes of rest in between.

You might tell yourself there's no excuse, that you should have planned ahead, but there is any number of valid reasons to go for a quick orgasm. Maybe there was a family emergency, or you had to work late, and there just wasn't enough time left in the day. Maybe it's something as simple as your daughter having a slumber party and what you thought was a nice group of girls is actually a quite unruly group requiring near constant supervision. Rolls eyes. Or maybe you just had a long exhausting day and you can't wait to get to sleep. Whatever the reason, when you're out of time, a quick kink friendly orgasm is usually the best answer. There are quite a bit of quick but kinky things you can do, and even more if you sub has time to "prepare himself for you."

Friday, May 13, 2011

Forced Cum Eating

Someone asked for help getting her sub to eat his own cum. For anyone who hasn't tried this, it's actually harder than it sounds. For anyone who has tried but failed, it's much easier with the right approach. But before I get into the how, I want to give a small warning. The whole point of forcing someone to swallow their own cum is making them do something degrading and humiliating that they wouldn't normally do. One thing I find disappointing is learning that a sub, on his own, will eat his own cum. If someone already swallows their own cum after they orgasm, it takes the fun out of making them do it. Firstly, they aren't doing it for you. If they do it of their own accord, they are doing it for themselves. Secondly, the sub gets use to it. It's no longer humiliating or degrading for them. It becomes common and normal. Boring.

Sometimes the top will make a sub eat his own load every time. Like I said before, it desensitizes them to it. But some tops find it sexy to break someone. There is a sense of accomplishment and pride, not to mention power, in really changing someone. I can understand this angle, especially if the sub is the type of person who gags at even a taste of their own man seed; an attitude adjustment is in order. I've also heard it argued as a way to save time cleaning up. In the case of sucking someone else off, I agree, it is cleaner. But I'm calling shenanigans in the case of a sub licking up his own load. This is some guy's justification for a fantasy he can't otherwise rationalize. A tongue is far from sanitary; more cleaning is still necessary. The only way it saves time in cleanup is if he's swallowing his load, with his mouth directly on his cock. Now, while not an option for most men, I'll admit this is appealing to me, especially since time saved on clean up is more time for something else. Also, consider the frequency you make your sub eat his own semen, as you might unintentionally numb him to the act. Personally, I like to save it as a "treat."

There are many approaches to getting your pet to eat his own cum. Some will work better than others depending on your sub. You can go with whatever you think will work best with your sub, or whatever sounds like the most fun to you. Of course I'm not recommending you break any of your sub's limits (unless you know he'll be ok with it), but forcing a sub to fulfill his fantasy is both fun and sexy. If you are doubting yourself and want more justification, then see the second half of my post on following through.

The most common approach is by command. Make the sub come on his or your hand, or if you're feeling generous, your breasts, legs, feet, or whatever. Then order him to lick it clean. This is the first thing that comes to mind for most tops, but is also the hardest to make someone follow through with. This approach can work, but only if you are very strict. Think of the voice you use when telling your dog to stop poking at the trash can, or when you're telling your cat to get off the dinner table. Speak sternly, imply urgency, and raise your voice. Since this is one of the hardest approaches, it can also take several tries. If you notice your toy hesitating or otherwise struggling with the command, I suggest giving him an out. Tell him what his punishment will be if he doesn't obey. Pick a punishment he won't like, and up that punishment with each attempt. For example, if your sub isn't usually denied orgasms for a week then tell them if they don't follow through you will deny them orgasm for a week. If they choose this option then try again in a week, but next time threaten two weeks punishment. While I imagine this will eventually work with anyone, it might be hard to find the right punishment. Don't start out with the worst punishment you can imagine though, build up to larger and more serious punishments. Someone refusing to eat their own cum at the cost of no orgasms for a year, might actually be willing to do so at the threat of not coming for a month after suffering through two weeks of no orgasms. If this is the approach you want to use, but it's not working, try not to get frustrated. Some subs just have a hard time with this. Instead, think of it as a game to see how much your sub will suffer through before giving in.

This second approach requires a little more preparation. This is generally the approach that comes to a sub's mind when they fantasize about being forced to swallow their own load. The key to this approach is lack of options on your sub's behalf. Put him in a position where he can't say no. My favorite way to do this is the legs over the head trick. Have him lay on his back and lift his legs back over his head until his cock lines right up with his mouth. What helps is having him lay such that when his feet go over his head they land on a wall behind him, then have him walk down the wall to narrow the gap between his mouth and cock. You may have to move your man around a bit and start over to get him lined up properly. When he's lined up make him come into his own mouth. This might actually take a couple tries before you get a good amount in there. Hold him in that awkward position by the balls, make sure you have a good grip so he knows he can't just lay back down. Another option is to position yourself behind him so he can't unfold. Tell him he has to swallow it, if he hesitates hold his nose with a free hand. He'll have to swallow to breath. This is more commonly accomplished (and fantasized about) with bondage. Make sure he's secure and can't move, then make him come into a shot glass. A small cup like a shot glass is essential, or too much of it will get stuck on the sides. Tell him to drink it, again if he refuses hold his nose and pour it into his mouth. Let him breath but repeat the process to get him to swallow if necessary. There are alternatives to holding his nose if you think that might make him panic or choke, or if it just isn't your style. One alternative is a little abuse to the balls. Even people who enjoy CBT will find it hard to take a couple hard swats to the balls after orgasm. Another is, if you have e-stim toys, use them to make him come, but after orgasm keep turning up the power until he obeys. There are a lot of options really, any sort of pain should do the trick. When using pain I always suggest it be something erotic in nature to make thinking about it afterwards a more positive experience for the sub.

This third approach is down right insidious and underhanded. I think it's great. The tricky part in getting a man to swallow his own cum isn't getting him to admit he wants it, or talking him into it -- that's easy, just get him horny enough. The tricky part is getting him to follow through once there is a load for him to swallow. If only you could get his load into his mouth before he comes. Well, you can. All you'll need is an ice cube tray. If you already make your own ice then get one that looks different than the others. When your sub comes, make him come into one of the ice cube slots. Although one load is probably enough, I suggest getting two to four loads in one slot to make a larger cube. When you decide it's time for your man to eat his own load, get him good and horny, maybe even bring him to the edge a couple times, then break out the ice cube. You'll easily be able to get him to suck on the cube when he's all worked up. And like that, he's happily swallowing his own semen. Make him finish the whole cube before being allowed to come. It's too easy. If you want him to have the real experience, if you want to do something he would fantasize about were he clever enough, start by tying him down. Tease him until he is willing to suck on the cum cube. After he takes the cube into his mouth, make sure he can't spit it out. Gag him with a ball gag or wrap bondage tape around his face and mouth. Do not untie him or ungag him until you're sure he's swallowed everything, but do not draw things out. Make him come immediately, before he can consume much, if any, of the cube. Make him watch as you catch his load with the ice cube tray to help him realize exactly what he's about to do... swallow his own load after coming.

Friday, May 6, 2011

Active vs Inactive Denial

What most people don't realize is that there are really two types of orgasm denial: active and inactive. Everyone who plays with orgasm denial should be aware of the difference, whether your sub is male or female, or whether you go long term or short. And especially when you are on a tight schedule like me.

First, I'd like to apologize for my terminology. I can't imagine there isn't already a term for these two entirely opposite approaches to orgasm denial, but a Google search for "active orgasm denial" and "inactive orgasm denial" returns nothing. Nonetheless, these are the terms I will use. When a person is actively denied they are kept in a near-constant state of sexual need or desire. When a person is inactively denied, their sexual needs are not only ignored, but also often discouraged.

Inactive denial is the simplest of the two approaches. All you have to do is ignore your plaything's sexual needs. This is usually accompanied by some sort of chastity device to not only prevent orgasm but masturbation as well. Often times the goal with inactive denial is to turn off your pet's sexuality entirely. The danger with inactive denial is that your pet will often feel ignored, unwanted, undesirable, and unloved, even if it's not true. They will often get angry with you, or snap at you for no good reason. This is followed by feelings of sadness and guilt. This melting pot of negative emotions can easily lead to bouts of depression. But yes, some people fantasize about this sort of denial. In practice, even those people can have a hard time sidestepping the negative emotions that come up. Just because someone fantasizes about inactive denial, doesn't mean they will actually enjoy it.

It's safe to say that while some people fantasize about this type of denial, most do not. Unfortunately, inactive denial is what people who are unfamiliar with the kink imagine when they are first introduced to it. There are countless blogs and forum posts of both men and women who talked their significant other into denying them orgasms, only to realize later they were in a state of inactive denial. It makes me sad to see to this mistake repeated so often. When introducing someone new to the idea of orgasm denial, please take a little time to explain the angle you are interested in. I know some people are afraid of topping from the bottom, but at least explain that it isn't about turning off your sexuality, but rather harnessing it for it's positive energy.

While it's true more effort can go into active denial play, more effort it isn't necessarily required. Masturbation - without orgasm - is something a sub can do with only the slightest of oversight. One easy thing I always recommend for someone in an active denial situation is a masturbation schedule. But find any excuse you can to make your sub masturbate. Make them masturbate during the commercials when you're watching a show together, or when they're waiting on you to finish getting ready. Tell them if you two are talking or doing something together and someone calls, they are to masturbate until you're free again. If you think your sub is losing some of that pent up sexual energy - or just starting to feel down - don't wait for an excuse, simply order them to masturbate.

To be extra clear, I'm not saying you have to limit your play with your sub; my point is that active denial doesn't require extra work on your part. Of course, edging your sub during a period of denial can be especially fun. And, in my experience, physically teasing someone who's being denied orgasm is the best way to keep them happy and upbeat. However, the most important thing is to make sure your needs are getting met. Only your sub need be the target of this orgasm denial. As I always say, playing doesn't have to end in an orgasm for your sub. Even if your play involves sex. You aren't obligated to finish anything you start with orgasm denial, and the sooner you take this to heart the sooner it will set you free. In this way, orgasm denial can make playtime with your sub less stressful and less work. Too many people feel an implied responsibility of "finishing what you start." This is a great way to break that habit if you're one of those people. You are free to tease or play whenever you want, and for any amount of time. Any point can be a stopping point, because in the end, the only goal is a denied orgasm.

Chastity devices are often part of the orgasm denial fantasy. This might seem incompatible with active denial, but in fact, I recommend it. I simply suggest taking it off when you two will be around each other a while. Leaving your sub free when you're together makes it easier to play or otherwise tease them when the moment arises. In general, using a chastity device helps prevent your sub from taking matters into their own hands and ruining the sexual energy you've built up together. But it's not all business, there's also fun to be had. It's a hidden bondage device they can take with them wherever they go; and it will constantly remind them of you and make them think your time together. It also allows them to completely surrender themselves to the idea that you control their orgasms.

My final suggestion is that you remind your toy you know they are being denied. This helps thwart those feelings of being unloved or unwanted. You can bring this up at any time, but it's especially important if you just finished playing and you know your sub really wants to come. You can tell them you want them as horny as possible for you, or always ready to serve you. Or even that you want them horny because you win arguments more easily, or because they are more enjoyable to be around. Active denial isn't just about keeping them in need, but letting them know you are doing it on purpose and enjoying it.