Friday, December 9, 2011

Failure and Lies

Sometimes a sub fails to follow through on his word. Due to the variety of possible causes and reasons, there's no one correct solution. Your first reaction may simply be to give up. He's obviously only in this for himself, right? Well maybe, but probably not. Don't give up so quickly. Sometimes a sub wants you assert more control over him, and he "acts up" in the same way that a child looking for attention might cause trouble. Other times, it may just be something the sub has trouble with. A weakness if you will. Both of these general problems can be corrected without more work for you, which is equally important. It's true that some subs will intentionally make things difficult for you, but for this post let's give them the benefit of the doubt and assume they lack the willpower to follow through, or are looking for you to exert more control over them.

Where I see this most is when you simply ask a sub not to come, but he does anyway when you're not around. If you've got him fairly well worked up, it's going to be hard for him to resist. I know men can control the urge, but hundreds of thousands of years of evolution have wired them to grab at every orgasm they can. It's hard to tell if he came, but if he admits to it, then this is most certainly a cry for help. It's best not to get too upset or angry over it; it's not that he cares about your happiness less than his, it's more likely you managed to wind him up past his breaking point. The correct reaction here is to be more strict with your means of orgasm control. In one of my earlier posts I talked about orgasm control and chastity devices. It doesn't have to be expensive; I link to one chastity device that costs $20! It doesn't have to be more work for you; you can have him put it on himself. And lastly, it doesn't have to be a 24/7 thing; you only need to require he wears it when you won't be around. Things don't have to be any different when you two are together.

The other thing you'll see in the realm of kink related tasks is the refusal of a sub to swallow his own cum. The leading cause of trouble here is the dramatic drop in arousal men experience after coming; things that were exciting before they came are now no longer exciting. Another possible cause for trouble is that some subs want to be forced into eating their own cum. This is similar to how subs enjoy being bound during CBT or other forms of play that they obviously enjoy. They want to feel they have no choice in the matter. I go over the standard approach and some alternatives in an earlier post. If you've had trouble with a straight up command, then I suggest taking another approach. If you're feeding off your pet's excitement then the other approaches will work much better for you. If you would enjoy seeing your sub lick up his own cum on command, then by all means stick to that approach. Make sure your pet knows he's doing it for you. By letting your sub know it means something to you, he's more likely to swallow his load out of loyalty or guilt. Which, yes, sounds sad, but he'll love that he did it later. The next time he's horny, he's going to think about what you made him do. The most common way to impress this on your sub is to tell him that watching him eat his own cum turns you on. You could even start to masturbate to reinforce this idea. Of course, if it isn't true, or would be too obvious of a lie ;), then just be honest with him about what it would mean to you and don't give up. Some things just take time.

The other area where you'll find subs break their word is when they fail to do a chore or other nonsexual task given to them. Some female led relationships simply allow for you to assign tasks, but most of the time this is something they've agreed to in the heat of the moment, and fail to follow through with after the fact. For example, after a long tease and denial session your sub agrees to wash your car in return for allowing him an orgasm. One solution is to avoid mixing nonsexual tasks with sexual play. But where's the fun in that? I think we can agree it's more fun when things are all mixed together. The best way to handle this set to a deadline for the task(s). Let your pet know if it goes past the deadline you will not play with him again until he's finished. This is the best reproach for most tops, as we can usually outlast our subs in this battle of wills. If you don't want to make this threat or think you might not be able to follow through with it, then, when playing with a pet who has an unfinished task, focus solely on what you like, and don't let him orgasm. I also recommend picking a serious punishment and punishing him every day he has an overdue task to complete. If the task is something you can't easily verify, or if you otherwise suspect your sub may be cheating in some way, put the burden of proof on him. Have him prove to you that he has done the task properly. The easiest way to do this is to having him record the entire process. Most laptops have webcams, so recording the entire process is a perfect means of proof. You don't have to actually watch the video to make sure he did as you wanted. You can just skip around in it for a minute, and if you do suspect something is up, it's there for you to comb through. If he is skirting the task, I suggest not only making him do it again before it counts, but punishing him as well. I think you'll find your pet learns quickly with this approach.

I don't deny that some subs are simply scumbags, only interested in their own pleasure and happiness. However, I think you'll find most trouble of this kind comes from subs who want you to take more control. Oftentimes they are embarrassed to admit it, or admitting it would ruin the fantasy. Keep in mind that most subs enjoy feeling force into things. If you otherwise like your pet, don't just give him up for lost. Taking more control away from him can actually be quiet easy. Not only will you be happier that your pet is following through, but your pet will be happier because of it too.