Friday, February 10, 2012

Tease and Denial

The game of tease and denial (T&D) is one of the most frustrating but enjoyable forms of play for a sub. Some tops enjoy the power trip; the control you have over your sub can be quite a rush. However, the time commitment for a good tease and denial session can be quite large. As such, this tends to be one of those things that you do for your sub. Tease and denial is similar to orgasm control/denial, but it's done much more intensely. Rather than building his sexual desire over time, you are forcing him to his boiling point.

I'm going to start with the end, since this is probably the most important part of a teasing and denial session. Your sub will become quite insistent on an orgasm, and a sub can be very convincing when he's desperate. But do not simply allow him to come. If you just give in and bring him to orgasm, it will ruin the mood and the experience. If your sub gets what he thinks he wants, he will be disappointed. This is where control over your pet will allow him to have a better experience than he would on his own. You are probably aware that your pet is substantially less kinky right after orgasm, but when is he the most kinky? That's when he's at the peak of his sexual desperation. Your best options are to either make him earn his orgasm through an act of kink, or to ultimately deny him and stop teasing.

Personally, I prefer to end a long tease and denial session with an orgasm for the sub. These orgasms tend to be very intense and very pleasurable. However, for your sub to feel submissive and dominated but still have an orgasm, you have to make him work for it. Make him feel like you are using his desperation for your entertainment and enjoyment. This is a great time to test his limits and make him go further than he normally would. It's the perfect time to experiment with rimming since it's not only a very humiliating and submissive task, but easily and quickly executed. (Bonus points if you make him wait until you bring yourself to orgasm while he's rimming you.) You could use the opportunity to get him to swallow his own cum. A more complicated but thrilling idea would be to take pictures or otherwise record him coming in some embarrassing way for some future erotic blackmail play. That said, it doesn't have to be some amazing, boundary breaking, limit pushing task. Making him clean one of your recently used sex toys with his mouth will work too. Just anything where he's doing something kinky sounding will work just fine. For maximum effect, give him his orgasm as he earns it. So have him come while he's rimming you, while sucking on your vibrator, etc. I also suggest you urge him on verbally with statements that call attention to his desperation. Such as: "Look what your cock makes you do." "Let's see just how much of a slut you are." "Show me how much you like it and come for me." "See what control I have over you."

If you decide to deny him orgasm, make sure he is not going to come on his own. My low opinion of a man's self control aside, even if your sub won't come on his own, he is in such a submissive mindset at this point that he doesn't want to be able to sneak off and come by himself. He doesn't want the option. If you're not going to let him come after a lengthy session of teasing and denial, even if you don't normally follow my orgasm control suggestions, I suggest you do so now. Get a chastity device for your sub (also in the above link), if for no other reason than the mental impact it will have on him. The potential downside to not having one is that if he comes on his own after being denied, it will ruin the fun for both of you. You won't have a highly attentive, touchy-feely pet, and in turn, your pet won't be lost in subspace with that wonderful mix of desperation and eagerness to please you. If you're not going to be able to tease him again for a while I suggest you set up a masturbation schedule to help keep him desperate with active denial. This can be more work than letting him come, but some tops enjoy mixing T&D with long term denial. Even if that's not your thing, you may still occasionally enjoy putting off his release from desperation for a day or two before finally letting him come after another round of tease and denial play.

How you go about teasing your sub is actually much less important than the fact you are denying him over and over again. It just comes down to keeping your sub erect and aroused without allowing him to come. It's actually quite hard to know how close to orgasm someone is. Some will give away their closeness with audio cues; if you're pet is one of these then feel free to try playing it by ear. However, I suggest simply enlisting your sub's help in keeping him from going over the edge. Have him tell you when he's getting close. This may sound like cheating, since he's basically giving you what you need to tease him, but if you back up your demand with the threat of serious punishment, then it's fair. Since going right up to the edge isn't as important as simply keeping him hard, when your sub mentions he's close, there's no need to push it, just back off for a minute.

The other element to a good tease and denial is length. The best sessions start at roughly an hour, but I've heard of people going longer than 4 hours. This is actually the hardest part for a lot of people. It's simply too easy to get bored. Sure you can have your pet eat you out as you tease him, but unless you're a die hard oral fan, you're going to run out of things you enjoy. Luckily, you don't have to put your full attention into it. You can do a multitude of other things as you give your sub a handjob. If you can read a book with one hand (harder than it sounds), or if you have something like a Kindle, then you can play with him as you read. If you really need both hands but want to read, you can go with a foot job instead. Another great way to go about this is to put earplugs and a blindfold on your sub, and then watch tv shows, or even a movie, as you stroke him. I suggest earplugs and a blindfold because your pet may become too distracted to get lost in his desire. It can even be a little too distracting for you at first. Have your pet remind you to touch him if you get distracted -- again, just threaten to punishment him if he doesn't, and now it won't feel like he's topping from the bottom.

The other trick you can do to get a longer T&D session is to get your sub to keep himself hard. You might think that this will look lazy, but it can actually be quite sexy; there's something very dominant about making your sub stroke himself for you. If there's something you want to do, maybe a hobby you enjoy, you can order him to masturbating somewhere nearby so you can make sure he's obeying. If you have to go somewhere to do or get something, don't tell him how long you will be gone. Instead tell him to keep himself fully hard while you're gone, and warn him that he better be hard and ready to come when you get back. If you're worried about him cheating or coming while you're gone, record the whole thing with a camcorder or webcam. Here's a tip, you don't have to actually watch the recording for it to be a deterrent to cheating. Of course after you've had him masturbating on his own for a while you can tease him some yourself before ending the session so it feels personal. Of course this personal attention needn't take your full attention. You can now distract yourself with a book or movie as I mentioned previously.

With any long form of play you're probably going to want to make sure you use lube. My sadistic side likes the idea of a cock rubbed raw, but most people don't. Water based lubes don't last at all, so what I recommend is a good silicon based lube. While they cost a bit more, they pay for themselves if you use them during long sessions. Lube is especially important if you're reading or watching something else as you play since you will likely fall into a pattern, and rub the same area over and over again which can really rub your pet raw.

Of course you can work any kind of play into a teasing and denial. You needn't distract yourself if there's a lot of other things you enjoy doing to or with your sub. Just make sure you're keeping him hard and worked up the whole time. You may have even done a little T&D without realizing it before. That said, don't feel guilty for taking the easy way out on this one. Maybe you only enjoy playing for short periods of time, you can use some of the above tricks to get him all worked up, and then play for a short period of time before coming. Just remember that after some T&D, what your pet really wants is for you to know how desperate he really is. So use that, and make him show you how badly he wants to come.