Friday, March 16, 2012


In the BDSM world, and even more so in Femdom, there seems to be a large amount of emphasis put on protocol. While sometimes a top will find such things enjoyable or pleasing, other times they are just annoying. Personally, I tire of all the protocol. I like my sub to be companionable. If you had a pet cat or dog, and it could talk, would you prefer it to only speak to you when spoken to? Perhaps this is why I like referring to a sub as a pet, as this is often how I like to think of them.

The strictest protocol is often referred to as high protocol, and sometimes, although rarely, old guard. Even if you've never heard the terms before, you've probably heard all of the rules before. A sub must only speaks when spoken to, or must request permission to speak. The sub never turns his or her back to the top, unless of course, told to do so, and must request permission to leave the room. The sub must respond immediately to all commands, and when waiting for a command or when serving, the sub must also do so without drawing attention to it. The sub is to always keep his or her head below that of the top's; this often includes kneeling when otherwise unoccupied. There are other minor but polite things I'm leaving out (dining, introductions, etc), but even these vary a bit from group to group anyway.

Low protocol is often the most informal form of protocol. In such situations the sub simply seems very lady or gentlemen like. This protocol can be used in vanilla situations and around family and friends. One would only be able to find subtle hints as to the dominant and submissive party. Medium protocol is similar to high protocol but with fewer restrictions. This is often used when having like minded, BDSM friendly, friends over. What rules are in place for medium protocol vary by quite a bit and in such situations where such protocol is required, it's usually agreed to ahead of time so there's no confusion. If your sub knows high protocol then he or she can fit in properly in such situations.

While all of this might be fun on occasion, to insist on protocol all of the time can be overbearing, even for a top such as myself. I won't deny there's certainly some fun to be had teaching your sub high protocol - talk about a good excuse for some fun punishment - and there's even some potential fun showing off your well taught sub at a ball or proper gathering. But it just gets old. Sorry to disappoints anyone, but unless I've got a house full of guests, I like to interact with my pets. For protocol fanatics, I just let them know I prefer casual or low protocol. I'm flexible of course, but I can't explain enough how much this wears on you when only a few people, or even no one else, is around. You're basically just suffering through loneliness to prove you're superior, and to who? Someone who already knows their place.

Of course, then there's titles. I admit when I was much younger there was some draw to being called Mistress, but overtime the title has lost it's sexiness. I've become numb to it like anything else you're exposed to so many times. Sometimes in public, the way someone says it makes me think they are implying that I know them or even own them in some manner, and that can make me uncomfortable. I generally don't get this vibe online, but I still don't feel the title adds anything. What I prefer lately, and what I find most polite, is just a simple ma'am, but even a "miss" can be nice. As far as text goes I'm happy as long as the conversation is respectful. I understand some women absolutely require a title, and I don't judge anyone who feels they must follow it with someone new to potentially avoid upsetting such a person, but it's one of the first things I have to correct new subs about. When I get to know a sub I tell them to just use my first name, but in full, not shortened. Non-submissive friends can use the one syllable form of my name or other nick names. This is respectable while being distinguishable.

Written protocol is another thing that you often see online. Luckily it seems to have fallen in popularity lately. Personally I find it annoying. There's no reason to abuse the written language just to show your place. Your diction and attitude should convey your position. If the only way to know you're submissive is your lowercase "i"s and uppercase "You"s then you need to rethink your submission. Likewise, I hate when I see a top who thinks they have to be rude. You don't have to be a bully to show your superior position. Again, let your words speak for you. As a top simply show confidence (or fake it), and allow the sub's own words to show your place.

It's no secret that for the most part, I dislike protocol. It's rarely fun for me, and often comes off as fake, and is hard for me to get into. The only time I insist on protocol is when administrating serious (i.e. real) punishment, and this is reinforce the seriousness of the situation. If your sub is keen on protocol then feel free to teach him, you can even make up some fun - hopefully fun for you - punishments. To throw a bit of seriousness into it, you could even set a date for a test that will have some more serious punishment attached for failure. But don't feel bad for insisting protocol is only for the most formal or serious of situations. Personally if "protocol" were to suddenly vanish, it wouldn't bother me one bit. I don't need a formal set of rules to tell me how I want a sub to behave. This is an acceptable attitude for a top to have, so if this is how you feel, then let it be known.


  1. Stop complicating and ruining the most pleasurable activity in life. Treating human beings like cats and dogs is a sign of psychopathology

    1. As a sub I can accurately say that you are full of baloney because you haven't ever done any research before passing judgment.
      Also it would be psychopathy not psychopathology, unless you are referring to the study of mental disorders.

  2. @ Julia: You seem to be missing the point that Owner/pet relationships are ENTIRELY consensual, there is NOTHING negative in the relationship at all. You may want to educate yourself to the D/s BDSM Lifestyle before you start passing judgement on others.

  3. I love being dominated and in control by mistress. As an executive I always am in charge at work. There is nothing so freeing as being controlled at home and pleasing every desire of my mistress. She loves me and loves training me. I have never had a better sex life in my entire life and whether I'm worshipping her feet or pussy for hours, or being skewed by a strapon or being forced to eat my cum or service other men, or submit to hours of punishment I am always greatful she loves me enough to dominate me.
    I love that she owns my body and Her cock.