Friday, July 20, 2012

Physical Resistance

Sometimes it seems a sub doesn't enjoy something he clearly said he wanted or likes. Maybe he will put up a struggle, or otherwise resist the act. This can frustrate some tops. At first it doesn't make any sense, and can be extremely frustrating. It can feel like rejection, even if he later expresses more interest in what he didn't seem to like at all. You might second guess yourself; maybe it's you or the way you're doing something? Fortunately, as ironic as it sounds, most of the time, what he is actually enjoying about it, is the fact he's not enjoying it! This is pretty typical for submissives, although some more than others, and as such, can be confusing to tops who haven't dealt with it before.

First of all, since I just covered safewords, I want to say that this is really the easiest solution to proving your sub is happy despite any resistance. Set one up! Then if your sub is literally unhappy with what you're doing, he can let you know. If he doesn't use the safeword, then it's ok! The type of subs who gets off on disliking things, are often the same type of subs who dislike having safewords. If your sub is of this variety, or you're just worried he'd be afraid of disappointing you, set up a green safeword for just your use. If you are ever unsure if he wants you to stop, ask him "green?" This might spoil a little bit of the fun the first time you do this, but then you will be certain he's enjoying it and there's no need to ask again in the future. And since only you are allowed to green, it won't feel like you've given him more power. You can't always depend on an erection giving away your sub's secret enjoyment of the seemingly unenjoyable.

But still, why does he resist if he likes it? Well, sometimes resistance is due to repulsion. There was one sub I played with who had a love-hate relationship with wet willies. He wanted me to spit onto my finger and work it into his ear. He would squirm every which way, make the most grossed out faces, and did his best to get away from me. Nonetheless, this would get him rock hard every time, and an erection is a fail-safe indicator. Other times the resistance is due to the taboo nature of something. You'll see this more frequently with anal play. For example, your sub might have said that he loves anal play, but even touching his anus makes him freak out. However, when the subject is brought up, he still seems interested. How could this be? Well, in both cases what he's likely getting off on is the idea that you are forcing him to do or endure things that he finds nasty and gross. Part of it could even be that these things clearly bother him, but you persist. If you could train your sub to not be bothered by these acts, then the acts would most likely lose their excitement.

Other times subs will resist in order to test or even "ask" for bondage. Many submissive deeply enjoy knowing they have no control. They want to be powerless, hopeless, and entirely at your will. If they are bound, then their resistance can be to test that bondage. Straining against bondage can also make them feel more helpless. If the sub isn't bound then this can also be his way of telling you he wants bondage. Even if he doesn't want bondage, it will intensify things for him. I'm a big fan of bondage and suggest you set up an easy system for securing your sub in place. Most importantly, get a system down that is easy for you. A four poster bed makes this extremely simple, but you can also attach things to the feet of the bed if need be. Having a quick and easy way to bind your sub spread eagle, and I want to put emphasis on quick and easy, makes bondage a lot more fun for you. Some tops dislike bondage because it can be so much work. Having something in mind that you can fall back on for quick bondage greatly increase the fun for both you and your sub. A sub finding himself quickly bound is just as happy, sometimes more so, than going through a slow tedious bondage workup. Now maybe not all tops enjoy a bound sub, but if you haven't played around with it much, give it a try. I think you'll find it makes things more fun for you as well, especially if you can work out a quick and easy method to do so.

Then there's the last reason to resist without saying why. The sub really doesn't want what you're doing. This is most often due to an acts implications. Perhaps you're trying to suck on his finger, but to him this is too close to a blowjob, and not fitting for you. Keep in mind subs like to put you on a pedestal, and why would such a woman as you need to do such things? As a quick side note here, maybe, as an extreme example, the sub had picked his nose or ass, and now you're trying to seduce him by sucking on his fingers. Some subs just want to be clean for you, remember the pedestal thing. While it makes things less spontaneous, you can set a 2 or 3 minute timer to let your sub clean up. Sometimes it's discomfort with what you're trying to do. Perhaps your sub even mentioned interest in such an activity at one point, but just isn't interested in it now. In this case following through anyway is fine, and can even be more fun. Also, it's worth mentioning that the hornier the sub is, the more he or she is up for.

To sum things up, there's really very little to worry about when it comes to a resistant sub. His resistance probably even turns himself on. If it gets in the way of your fun, an easy solution is to mix a little bondage into the situation. He may even be trying to ask for bondage. If you do decide to talk to him about it, never try it without throwing out your safeword or doing it when it's super obvious you aren't playing. If you have to sit him down to talk to him about it, expect it to ruin the mood. Don't worry, it's ok. Next time you'll know what's really going on and things will be better.