Physical Resistance

Sometimes it seems a sub doesn't enjoy something he clearly said he wanted or likes. Maybe he will put up a struggle, or otherwise resist the act. This can frustrate some tops. At first it doesn't make any sense and can be extremely confusing. It can feel like rejection, even if he later expresses more interest in what he didn't seem to like at all. You might second guess yourself; maybe it's you or the way you're doing something? Fortunately, as ironic as it sounds, most of the time, what he is actually enjoying about it, is the fact he's not enjoying it! This is pretty typical for submissives, although some more than others, and as such, can be confusing to tops who haven't dealt with it before.

First of all, since I just covered safewords, I want to say that this is really the easiest solution to proving your sub is happy despite any resistance. Set one up! Then if your sub is literally unhappy with what you're doing, he can let you know. If he doesn't use the safeword, then it's ok! The type of subs who gets off on disliking things, are often the same type of subs who dislike having safewords. If your sub is of this variety, or you're just worried he'd be afraid of disappointing you, set up a green safeword that can only be used when prompted. If you are ever unsure if he wants you to stop, ask him "green?" It might spoil a little bit of your sub's fun when you do this, but then you will be certain he's enjoying it so you can better enjoy it, and there's no need to ask about that type of play again in the future. And since only you are allowed to green, it won't feel like you've given him more power. You can't always depend on an erection giving away your sub's secret enjoyment of the seemingly unenjoyable.

But still, why does he resist if he likes it? Well, sometimes resistance is due to repulsion. There was one sub I played with who had a love-hate relationship with wet willies. He wanted me to spit onto my finger and work it into his ear. He would squirm every which way, make the most grossed out faces, always doing his best to get away from me. Nonetheless, this would get him rock hard every time, and I count such a spontaneous erection is a fail-safe indicator of enjoyment. Other times the resistance is due to the taboo nature of something. You'll see this more frequently with anal play. For example, your sub might have said that he loves anal play, but even touching his anus makes him freak out. However, when the subject is brought up, he still seems interested. How could this be? Well, in both cases what he's likely getting off on is the idea that you are forcing him to do or endure things that he finds nasty, gross, and/or taboo. Part his interest could even be that these things clearly bother him, but you persist. If you could train your sub to not be bothered by these acts, then the acts would most likely lose their excitement.

Other times subs will resist in order to test or even "ask" for bondage. Many a submissive deeply enjoys knowing they have no control. They want to be powerless, hopeless, and entirely at your will. If they are bound, then their resistance can be to test that bondage. Straining against bondage can also make them feel more helpless. If the sub isn't bound then this can also be his way of telling you he wants bondage. Even if it turns out he wasn't asking for bondage, it will intensify things for him. I'm a big fan of bondage and suggest you set up an easy system for securing your sub in place. Most importantly, get a system down that is easy for you. A four poster bed makes this extremely simple, but you can also attach things to the feet of the bed if need be. Having a quick and easy way to bind your sub spread eagle, and I want to put emphasis on quick and easy, makes bondage a lot more fun for you. Some tops dislike bondage because it can be so much work. Having something in mind that you can fall back on for quick bondage greatly increase the fun for both you and your sub. A sub finding himself quickly bound is just as happy, sometimes more so, than going through a slow tedious bondage workup. Now maybe not all tops enjoy a bound sub, but if you haven't played around with it much, give it a try. I think you'll find it makes things more fun for you as well, especially if you can work out a quick and easy method to do so.

Then there's the last reason to resist without saying why. The sub really doesn't want what you're doing. This is most often due to an acts implications. Perhaps you're trying to suck on his finger, but to him this is too close to a blowjob, and not fitting for you. Keep in mind subs like to put you on a pedestal, and why would such a woman as you need to do such things? As a quick side note here, maybe, as an extreme example, the sub had picked his nose or ass, and now you're trying to seduce him by sucking on his fingers. Some subs just want to be clean for you, remember the pedestal thing. While it makes things less spontaneous, you can set a 2 or 3 minute timer to let your sub clean up.

Sometimes it's discomfort with what you're trying to do. Perhaps your sub even mentioned interest in such an activity at one point, but is afraid of the act when it comes to it. Because you have a safeword (you do don't you?) following through anyway is fine. Helping a sub experience a fetish he's afraid of or worried about is not only going to be thrilling to both of you, but it can build intimacy. Also, it's worth mentioning that the hornier the sub is, the more he or she is likely to be up for. So if you're really insistent on your pet's enthusiasm, maybe a little more teasing is all it takes.

To sum things up, there's really very little to worry about when it comes to a resistant sub. Your "pushing" through his resistance likely turns him on. If it gets in the way of your fun, an easy solution is to mix a little bondage into the situation. It may even be his way of asking for bondage. If you do decide to talk to him about it, never try it without using your safeword or doing it when it's super obvious you aren't playing. If you have to sit him down to talk to him about it, expect it to ruin the mood. But don't worry, it's ok. Next time you'll know what's really going on and things will be better.