Friday, September 16, 2011

Pegging

Since I've got a prostate theme going here, I'll finish up with Pegging. Despite how commonly the two are brought up together, for someone with a pegging fetish, it's almost certainly not about the prostate. For those who have never heard the term before, pegging is simply anal sex with a strap-on dildo. Submissive men fantasize about this because it reverses gender roles, being penetrated rather than penetrating. I'd suggest everyone try it once, if for no other reason than for the experience of being on the other side. That said, there will be more men than women who enjoy pegging; although usually, even for men, it's due more to mental aspects than physical.

I'd like to start by clearing up some misconceptions. Just because a man is interested in pegging, it doesn't mean he's gay or bi. It doesn't even mean he's curious about sexual acts with a man. It just means he wants a woman to do him in the ass. It may mean he's into feminization, but it may also be due to an interest in humiliation, as there has traditionally been stigma associated with anal sex. It may just be the whole taboo aspect of the thing he's interested in. This is true even if a man has fantasies of being forced to suck a cock for your enjoyment. In the end it's about your control over him. Another misconception, mostly by men this time, is that women get great pleasure from pegging. Subs love it when a woman enjoys such an act, and thus it's portrayal in erotic writing and porn is greatly exaggerated. Obviously there are no sensitive nerve ending in a dildo, and we miss out on a lot of potentially enjoyable friction. In reality it's difficult for us, if not impossible, to orgasm from pegging. I touched on a very similar misconception in my previous post so I won't go over it again in great detail, but I'd like any men reading this to keep that in mind.

There are some dildos designed to stimulate the woman while she fucks a man in the ass, but I've found them all to be a bit overrated. Nonetheless, they are more fun than regular strap-ons, and worth the investment if you're trying to make the most out of pegging. The most popular of these is the Feeldoe. However, after becoming popular they changed the way they're made; the silicone tends to be slightly too firm for comfort now, and it's a common complaint you'll hear from women with the new Feeldoes. They have a vibrator attachment which can help if you prefer vibration, but it seems those have gotten cheaper as well. Even on the older models, the vibrations aren't as strong as I'd like but it's the feature of the Feeldoe that gets the most attention. Then there's the Nexus Double Dildo. It's tends to be harder to hold in due to it's weight, but offers a deeper filled sensation, if you enjoy that. They seem to be gaining in popularity, probably due to the changes in the Feeldoe. There's little else to be said about them. My personal favorite, by far, is something FunFactory makes called Share. In my experience, it feels the best, it easily rubs both your g-spot and your clit, and is the easiest to hold in place. As such, this is probably the closest you're going to get to experiencing a cock of your own. Although that's not saying much.

Are three all made out of silicone, which can be cleaned with soap and water, or alcohol, and can be thoroughly sterilized in boiling water. I always suggest you use a water based lube, as lubricants that contain silicone can destroy silicone toys. They all are primarily held in with your PC muscle. Even if you have strong muscles, if things get too wet for you, the toys can pop out. You can help prevent this with kegel exercise, holding your legs together tightly, or simply adding a harness to the mix. By far, the best harness is SpareParts' Joque Harness. But pretty much any cheap o-ring harness without padding, or with removable padding, will do the trick. I know several happy owners of this cheap harness for example.

As I've mentioned before, a man's prostate is often stimulated during anal penetration. While not being the sole point of pleasure, this tends to make pegging an enjoyable experience, rather than the torturous one often imagined by subs. Of course, since prostate stimulation doesn't give all men erections, don't expect pegging alone to do so either. Men will get the most enjoyment out of pegging with simultaneous stimulation of their cock and balls. Being a bit of a sadist myself I prefer to use a dildo that's too big to be comfortable for the sub. This takes away some of the physical pleasure for the sub but if you flat out explain that you're intentions are to make things less comfortable or enjoyable, this usually returns more than what it takes in the form of mental and fetish pleasures. It's really a win-win. If your sub is into feminization you can have him dressed up before play to intensify the situation for him.

It's important to make sure you're pet is properly lubed before starting. What works best, especially for first timers, is to slowly work lube into his ass with your fingers. Of course I recommend gloves, but if you and your sub are comfortable without you using them then feel free to skip them. Start shallow and with one finger. Work the lube in deeper and deeper and add a second finger to help relax him and loosen him up. If he feels too tight you can remind him to relax. If you're worried he will be too tight just apply more lube and continue to stretch him with your fingers. As long as you're gentle about it you should be fine. If you're sub isn't new to this, or it just isn't your style, you can work the lube into him slowly with the dildo itself. Lube it up, but don't just plunge in. Work it in a little bit at a time, going back and forth in small amounts spreads out the lube more evenly. After about an inch or increased resistance, pull out, add more lube, and repeat, going deeper each time.

As for penetration, the most common way to peg is with the sub on his back, at the edge of a table or bed, with his legs in the air. It's important to get the height right so you don't have to struggle to thrust your synthetic cock into him. You can put pillows under his ass to lift it to a height that's comfortable for you, or if you're more serious about it, you can pick out a table of the correct height to simplify things. In this position I suggest securing his ankles to his hands via cuffs, bondage tape, etc. This makes him more vulnerable and gives you more control. This position is popular because it allows easy access to your sub's genitals. I've even seen someone give a blow job while pegging from this angle. CBT is also possible in this position; whipping and slapping the cock and balls being the easiest. You can hold on to his balls while you peg him, squeezing and pulling on them. Tying up his balls will help in this regard, and you can make a little harness leash combo if you otherwise have trouble reaching them. E-stim also works well as you can adjust it easily enough while you peg.

Pegging doggy style doesn't give you such easy access to his most sensitive bits, and it won't hit the prostate as much, but is also a common approach. Part of the popularity is because many find it more humiliating, as there is a bit of stigma involved with doggy style. Hell, even the name is a bit derogatory. If you want to take it a step further you can put a dog collar on your sub and use a leash to pull him onto your synthetic dick. It's also easier to get a good cock-to-ass height with your sub as you can adjust his vertical height by spreading his legs further apart. Which brings up my favorite thing about doggy style, something I call "side effect" orgasms. If his legs are spread far enough apart his cock can rub the bed as you fuck him in the ass, and this can cause a wound up pet to come. While such an orgasm would still be enjoyable, it can be humiliating as well. If you aren't directly stimulating his cock when he comes, it will seem to him as if he came from anal play alone. If this happens don't let the opportunity pass. You can get great mileage out of teasing him about how much of an anal slut he is. You can use this excuse with e-stim but works much better with less obvious forms of stimulation that can be done with a from-behind approach to pegging.

One of the best ways to get a "side effect" orgasm is to bend your sub over a table before pegging. Make sure you've heavily lubed up his cock during some earlier play, and with every thrust into his ass you will be effectively stroking his cock on the table. I suggest making sure he is hard before you lean him over the table and then checking after a bit to see if the stimulation is keeping him hard. As with all things penis, stimulation can go one of two ways: not enough stimulation and he goes soft, or enough stimulation to keep him hard and eventually lead to orgasm. If you are worried he's not moving enough you can get more lube on the table or even go as far as covering most of his front side so he slides more, but I don't find it necessary. I suggest pulling his balls out behind him as not to get in the way of his cock and you can grab onto them or play with them for added stimulation. Again, some ball bondage with a leash can help here.

Depending on the angle of your sub's erect cock you can have him kneeling on the bed, with his legs spread far enough for the underside of his cock head to rub on the bed. I suggest putting a towel down to keep things clean. Again, each thrust will bring him closer to orgasm. Pulling back on the balls as you reverse thrust will cause the cock to rub harder against the surface. I've also noticed beds have a tendency to cause a bit more movement under a sub than a table does. This is actually how I first discovered the trick, and later improved it into the table version mentioned above. But this still works surprisingly well for some subs, maybe due to the roughness of a towel opposed to the smoothness of the table. It's also less obvious that you're doing it on purpose and makes it better for that "I can't believe you came from this" angle.

If you're goal during pegging is orgasm, the sooner he reaches orgasm, the sooner you can stop. Even if you whole heartily enjoy pegging, it can become tedious if your sub isn't able to reach an orgasm when you want him to. It always helps to have edged or played with your sub before hand so he's quicker to reach orgasm. Having him "ready himself" for you by masturbating to the edge of orgasm while fingering himself is a fun way to make things easier for you. He's lubed and ready to go. If pegging is just final event of a series of play you may wish to have a back up plan in case your sub is unable to reach orgasm through the method you had preferred. Often freeing a hand and having him "come for you" works.

Personally, it's a rare occasion that I initiate pegging for my own enjoyment, as there are other things I enjoy more. If I want stimulation, whimpering, squirming, or to embarrass my sub, there are better avenues for each. Personally, I see pegging as a gift or reward for a sub, but using it as a (play) punishment tends to heighten the experience. That said, I understand why some women enjoy it so much. After all, the mind is the most powerful sex organ. There is a sexy power exchange taking place, and there's a nice humiliation angle to it as well. Also, if you feed heavily on your sub's emotions and reactions, then someone with a pegging fetish can also add more to the pleasure of the act. This is, however, another one of those things that, as a top, you shouldn't feel bad about if you don't enjoy it.

16 comments:

  1. We have a feeldoe, although we have not used it for pegging...YET. I hope that we can do more prostate play. When we do play, there are certainly some physical sensations that I enjoy, but (so far) it is more a psychological thing for me. For example, if I am on my knees, head buried in the mattress, ass up and legs spread, the vulnerability of that position puts me in deep "sub-space". My Queen can do all kinds of things to me that I can't anticipate.

    I've had fingers and the aneros butt plug inserted on occasion, but when I see our Feeldoe, I am a bit concerned about how big it is and whether I can "take it". I do hope we play and it would be very hot for me if my Queen comes from the thrusting. The cheap mini-vibe never worked, so I'd like to replace it. I have seen a setup on another blog where a more sturdy vibe was bondage-taped on the top part that meets the clitoris. It is in my interest for my Queen to derive pleasure from this!

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  2. Mistress- thank you for your tips...am looking for one for my Wife. The Share sounds good, appreciate your recommendation!

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  3. Mistress- Was looking at the Share, and (as usual) a couple people *did* mention having a harness might be good, for beginners.
    On the amazon site, they often said it was bought with this item below:
    tp://www.amazon.com/Bare-As-You-Dare-Harness/dp/B000AOOBPG/ref=pd_bxgy_hpc_text_b

    Would that work, in your opinion?
    Thanks again!
    SS

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  4. @lovestosubmit:
    If pegging is a fetish of yours, then it's likely the psychological thrill will always dwarf any physical pleasure. The prostate really does get an unfair amount of attention.

    @SometimesSpanked:
    Harnesses aren't just good for beginners. They allow the wearer to relax and not worry so much about holding the dildo. It really can make things more enjoyable.

    Also, you must have missed it, but I linked to that exact harness in my post. And yes, it will work fine. However, if it's uncomfortable, I've also linked to the much higher quality Joque Harness.

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  5. Mistress- Thank you. I certainly want my wife to relax, and *enjoy* herself, as you say... so she will enjoy the experience. :)
    Geez, I did miss the harness link (must have been obsessed elsewhere, LOL!) Hmm, if the Joque works will also check that. I suppose, then, they all work/fit together well. Appreciate your time and recommendation! :)

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  6. I somewhat disagree with your characterization that pegging is not about the prostate, and it's more about the mental than the physical -- and necessarily requires bdsm, role-switching hoopla.

    Give me a woman who will peg me with reasonable good rythym, and passion, and I will experience the same sensations as a "prostate milking", except it's so much hotter because it's full-blown love making. I see it as another way to fuck and make love.

    Sure, there are some guys who like to be stretched and penetrated with massive dildos.

    But for me, it's not the size that matters, it's what you do with it.

    Also, I get annoyed when mistresses rush a pegging session by speeding through the manual stimulation. I just want to enjoy being pegged, no need to rush the jerk off.

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  7. I don't say that pegging requires BDSM or that it has nothing to do with the prostate. My blog is simply written from the BDSM viewpoint. Also, it's more common in BDSM oriented relationships. Yes it's true, there are vanilla men who enjoy pegging, or being fucked by a real cock, and enjoy it due to the stimulation of their prostate. But I think the mental angle is often overlooked. It has been my experience that most subs do enjoy pegging more for the mental aspects than the physical. Some get hard upon penetration, before their prostate's even been touched. I even knew one guy who could come just from being repeatedly penetrated, no depth required.

    Even you mention "passion" as one of the two things you want during a pegging, and describe it as "full-blown love making." From the sound of it, if the woman wasn't into it, then you wouldn't enjoy it. I'm not saying it's the most important part for you, but you must admit these aspects are part of the enjoyment. These are some of the mental aspect which I often see overlooked. Oftentimes, even men don't realize how important these things are to their enjoyment.

    You also mentioned stretching and massive dildos. That's certainly something I'm not into, and I think you'll find it to be the sub's fantasy more often than the top's. Much like how it's often men who want to experience CBT so brutal they are permanently damaged. Very few women want to go that far. We don't want to break our toys; then we can't play with them again! However, I do understand why some tops enjoy using a massive dildo. There's certainly a sadistic angle to it that some enjoy. For many women, our first anal experience involved some stretching; making the man experience the same thing is part of the role-switching some of us enjoy.

    I've talked to a lot of women who didn't really enjoy pegging, but did it to make their man happy. Think about what it is your partner is getting out of it. Maybe the women you mention enjoy the "hoopla." If you find a mistress is rushing with a pegging session, perhaps it's because she isn't getting much enjoyment out of it herself, and is eager to get it over with.

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  8. I love pegging
    It's more than gender role reversal

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  9. I agree with most of your information but I want to be pegged by two girls for the humiliation factor but the right spanking is very important
    I know I will eventually cum and if it's new it is fun but I worry females may get bored with it

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  10. I'm a female who's recently begun pegging, and love it- it's become my fave sex act.
    The first time I took my lover up the ass, he rode me cowboy so he could control the penetration. I was in a sitting position so I could watch him all the better and slide my hands over his penis, to help him come. When he orgasmed, my lover was moaning in pleasure (normally he's quiet) and he'd never cum so much before, my breasts were covered in his delicious sperm. The second time I pegged him, I took my lover doggy style. He was begging me to take him harder, deeper, faster. Neither of us has ever come so incredibly hard. Anyway, I love pegging and only wish I knew more men I could peg.

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  11. I am in Jupiter and need pegging please!

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  12. Sorry, feel daft here, but what does 'I am in Jupiter' mean?

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