Saturday, September 29, 2012

Ruined Orgasms

Ruined orgasms are another one of those ironic and self contradicting kinks. People with this fetish enjoy not-enjoying their orgasm. Usually what it is they are enjoying is your control and dominance over their "ultimate" form of pleasure. This can also be one of those fantasies that people only want to experience once, and then have the threat of future ruined orgasms give you leverage during play or punishment. The fact that you can and are willing to do something so cruel is often a powerful turn on and motivator for your sub. There are however, some who like the idea so much that they actually have stronger orgasms when they think you're "ruining" their orgasm. I'll go over both; how to more completely ruin an orgasm, and how to make ruined orgasms more enjoyable.

The most completely ruined orgasm is one where, as soon the sub reaches the point of no return, he receives no further stimulation. You completely withdraw your hands from him, and leave him with nothing but air. But this can be trickier than it sounds. Having your sub tell you when he's just hit the point of no return not only feels like cheating, but it gives your sub the power to control how ruined his orgasm is by letting you go a little longer before he tells you he's there. The best approach is just to have your sub tell you when he's getting close to going over the edge. Test him by stopping right when he says he's close. If comes at this point then it's possible he was trying to get a less ruined orgasm from you. Punish as you see fit. Then try going just a few more strokes after he announces he's getting close. It might take a couple tries to figure out roughly how much more stimulation he can take when he's close. I suggest going only a stroke or two longer each time as to get the most fully ruined orgasm. I also suggest randomly stopping immediately after he says he's getting close just to keep him honest. This is a variance on the orgasm control game I wrote about last month. To judge how ruined an orgasm was, the best approach is to compare how much the sub came compared to normal. If there's a lot of cum, then he's either secretly enjoying it, or you've gone on too long after he's reached the point of no return. Subs with a strong fetish for ruined orgasms often enjoy them more than they would a simple vanilla orgasm.

If you look around for methods of ruining orgasm you'll find a lot of techniques other than the simple hands off approach I described above. When first learning about ruined orgasms I was put off by the multitude of options. In the name of science I set out to try as many different approaches as I could find, but almost immediately I realized that these variants don't ruin an orgasm more, they just make it more "fun" for you or your sub. In the same way some people like being "punished" with things they enjoy, some people like having their orgasms "ruined" in a way they enjoy. These people want to think they're giving up great pleasure to please you, but they secretly want enjoyment from it as well. Realizing this makes ruining orgasms much less complicated, if you're out to be cruel or completely dominating, this is the ideal approach. If you're out for fun for you or your sub, try out some alternative approaches. While I still suggest you start by getting your sub to that point of no return, if you're just doing it for fun you can always just wait till you see him start to come before you do anything. There's also an off chance one of these variants will ruin an orgasm more than the hands off approach, but in general they make the experience more enjoyable. The best way to find out is to experiment.

The most common variant to a ruined orgasm is to restrict the flow of cum. The most common way to do this is when your toy hits that point of no return, you squeeze his cock either at the very base, or just under the head. While not necessary, if done tightly enough, little to no cum will come out. Another approach, sometimes called thumbing the orgasm, is to put your thumb over the top of his cock head as you would to control the flow of water from a garden hose. This can also be done with a finger or even tape. Less cum is often associated with less enjoyable orgasms, so this gives the appearance of a completely ruined orgasm. The discomfort from the semen backing up has the potential to make the orgasm less fun for your sub. If you are worried about this you can let more of the cum escape. But usually the fact you are touching him more than offsets any discomfort.

Physical pain can be added to a ruined orgasm. If you are rough enough it could take some of the pleasure out of the orgasm, but once a sub has hit that point of no return, his pain threshold goes way up. For most subs this will cause a much better orgasm than the hands off approach, and for those who like pain or CBT, they may even have amazing orgasms. The most common method for mixing in pain is flicking the head of the cock or slapping the cock itself. Balls are an option too; slap them hard and/or squeeze them tightly as he comes. Another "painful" method is palming. This is often done with post orgasm torture, but with subs who are sensitive enough, this can be painful before orgasm as well. Palming is just using your palm on the head of a well lubricated cock. For most, this will simply make it more pleasurable. I suggest you try palming your sub before it gets to this point to see how he reacts in a normal situation. While it varies from person to person, pain will often improve the orgasm for the sub.

There are a couple off the wall approaches that don't fit into the above categories but are based on distraction. One is to have ice ready and ice his cock and balls once he hits that point of no return. I've heard it will numb away some of the pleasure, but there doesn't seem to be enough time to numb anything. In the end it's just a distraction through temperature shock. There's seems to be a bunch of approaches which are designed to surprise the sub like this. These include, at the point of orgasm, playing a loud sudden noise, shining a bright light in their eyes, and pouring lemon juice into their mouth. I've heard suggested choking or covering the sub's mouth and nose. The idea is to scare them into a more fully ruined orgasm, but depending on how scared the sub actually is by this, it might not even be an ethical approach. I've actually seen tops trying to one up each other with the surprise they've induced in their subs. Another form of distraction is repulsion. This includes things such as putting stinky socks on their face (assuming they don't like that), playing gay porn (assuming they aren't gay), or showing them pictures of their family members. In the end, distractions tend to loose their effectiveness quickly, and you have to keep coming up with new distractions. Still, unlike the previous mentioned methods, distractions stand a good chance of actually ruining an orgasm more completely, if that's your goal. If not, you can always choose "distractions" your sub will like.

Which brings me to the mental aspects of a ruined orgasm. If a sub has a ruined orgasm fetish, then the ruined orgasm will be better if the sub is told about it ahead of time and visa versa. The anticipation will make play beforehand more or less enjoyable depending on the sub's interests. Tying up a sub so he can't "finish" a ruined orgasm also adds to the orgasm, especially if you make it clear it's so he can't do anything about his upcoming ruined orgasm. This works even if the sub is well behaved and wouldn't do such a thing anyway because it makes the already dominant act feel out of their control and more absolute. Another trick is to get the sub to try and hold back the orgasm himself. This gives a more completely ruined orgasm and can take the fun out of ruined orgasms even for those who have a strong fetish for it. If your goal is a more completely ruined orgasm, you can tell your sub not to come or otherwise try and motivate him to try and hold back. This just feels mean to me, and since only well behaved subs will actually try to hold back when instructed, it rewards misbehavior. And that's something you should try to avoid. But if you're using it as a punishment or just really want to take any possible fun out of it, this will sometimes do that for you. Finally, ruined orgasms can potentially leave your pet feeling unsatisfied or horny. Sometimes the sub will be unable to do anything about it, while other times the sub will be able to have another orgasm right away. Several ruined orgasms in a row can be quite fun and frustrating at the same time. It depends on the sub and the orgasm, but is something to keep in mind and watch for.

Any top who has "lost" or otherwise had a ruined orgasm is probably confused by this fetish. To better understand a sub who is interested in ruined orgasms, see if it's the controlling aspect of a ruined orgasm your sub likes, or if he likes the idea of being disappointed and wants you to use the threat as leverage or punishment. And it can be both. If your sub isn't interested in ruined orgasms but you are, then using it as a threat or punishment is probably the best option. While different approaches fit different subs better, it's important to pick something that sounds fun or interesting to you. There's no need to go through extra work you don't enjoy or pass up something you might. There's also no reason to limit yourself to one particular technique, feel free to mix and match. Don't let it be a chore for you.


  1. Hello, I had recently found your blog after years of searching for help and guidance as a novice Top. I have been with my partner for 3 years and he introduced me to the BDSM lifestyle. To begin with I was weary but we found through communication and experimentation we have our own interpretation of a BSDM lifestyle. Reading your blog has given me inspiration, advice and confidence. Since reading your blog I have tried some of your tips and it has made things so much easier and we both feel really happy and thoroughly satisfied. So when you think that it just men getting off from your blog know that you have reached one Domme that really appreciates the time you have taken to share your advice. Thank you and I look forward to reading your next post

  2. Wow...congrats for this blog and I understand that after covering so many aspects it's time for a break.
    I've been trying to find a partner who is as phantasyful and playful as you, but ... bummer.
    I found it impossible to find a girl that likes to push me to the limits. After reading your blog maybe I just keep on searching.
    I will check back and would be happy to read more tipps from you.
    Thanks a lot and cheese from Switzerland ;-)

  3. In my experiences the best is to simply shove a large sound partially down his pea hole. He cums, but painfully.

    1. Mmmmm I love to slowly release the sound as he comes. There is nothing like watching it pop up when my sub is finally allowed to cum and it's "Pop Goes the Weasel!" That little bugger shoots up like a shiny, metallic, Jack in the Box. Mmmm tonight's the night!

  4. This is fact ! It is a slooow pain to boot !!!!

  5. Don't know if this was your intention but I'm a Guy who has wanted my women to dominate me but just never met the right woman.

    I read this post and gave myself a ruined orgasm while reading this post. Thanks.

  6. May I suggest:
    My Wife has kept me locked in fulltime chastity the past 6 years and six yours building up to it before that. One thing she did that is a very frustrating tease and motivator to me is to addict my penis to the feel of anything soft Angora. by lightly stroking it as foreplay. She did it regularly as foreplay for about four months all the time every time she would unlock me.
    She literally addicted my penis to feel of it and because its now so sensitive from being kept locked all the time it starts to cry its happy tears immediately.
    Those four months were like heaven for my small penis and it now tries to erect whenever she wears anything Angora. It craves to be able to feel it. As if that was frustrating enough she now only unlocks me about once a month so my small penis ejaculates very quickly.
    To keep my little penis from soiling her Angora with its tears she started rolling up a soft ear plug and inserting it as soon as the first tear appears. Now it not only can't cry, but it can't ejaculate either.
    The first time she stroked without stopping and made me ejaculate with my penis plugged with the ear plug I told her I didn't like it because my come just backs up and its not a complete come. It leaves me still wanting.
    As if all this was not enough, she found on Ebay some Willy Warmers made out of Angora. It drives me mad as I diligently do my maids work with the Pink Willy Warmer sticking straight out wanting so badly to have it stroked or its plug removed and be allowed to come.
    Male chastity makes a slave out of all men with less than 6"

  7. Just want to say what fantastic suggestions you have on this blog. i've trawled through a lot of top suggestions and find yours to be the best and most matter of fact. I have finally found a willing pet and really find your ideas on dealing with them very on point. I hope you continue this blog with more insightful variations.

  8. as soon as I started to cum my wife stopped all stimulation very effective

  9. Hi,
    I always eager to learn new techniques to ruin male orgasm. I do fantasy about BDSM, but I just do it for other purpose. I think it is unhealthy to refrain from orgasm for a long period and I need to cum from time to time...
    I like the feeling of being horny and the fantasies I have when I am horny. If I just "jerk off" I know my libido will drop immediately after.
    I noticed that through ruined orgasm, I remove only part of the urge to have sex, but mentally keep a high pressure. I was hoping I could just "empty the balls", but up to now I never succeeded. I don't know any technique except maybe if someone numbs the penis and do a prostate massage. Self massage was never fruitful.
    Here is my technique. First I need to have restrained from ejaculation for a long period of time (at least 4 days to 1 week). Then I start masturbating slowly thinking as much as I can about my objective of not having orgasm. When I come close to the no return point, I stop for a few seconds (probably no more then 10-15 but then it seems an eternity). At that point I start masturbating very fast and stop as soon as I feel the urge. I wait for the dick to start becoming flaccid again (again a few seconds usually I guess) and I do it again (masturbate very fast). I do this several times until a moment when no matter how hard I try I cannot hold it in. The most important is that from the second I feel it is going to come I stop any contact. I can tell you it is hard not too because I know that just touching it will make it an enjoyable orgasm while I want to feel my dick is so pathetic throwing up in some kind of convulsions.
    What I love most with ruined orgasm is to do it several times in a row (usually more than two is impossible for I never reach the point where I feel it is going to come) then if I have intercourse there will be the real ruined orgasm... Like I can f*** for hours and I always feels it is near but never comes... and if it does, it is like I am frustrated for it is so weak... I built up such an excitement and it is just "this". a few drops of precum...

  10. As the owner of a sub slut, I'd like to add my four penn'orth to this discussion. I keep him cocklocked 24/7/365 except for the last Saturday of every month, when he's milked. I practise the triple wank. Method, which means oozing not spurting. I dislike spurting. This is what happens. I unlock him and wearing a latex glove thickly smeared with DeepHeat I wank his shaft. When he's close he tells me and I stop and give him 50 cane strokes. Then I resume wanking. This is repeated 6 times. When he's on the edge for the 6th time, he tells me and I stop. he then oozes a small amount of cum into his bowl, but is still hard. I then slip on a new glove, apply the Deep Heat, and off we go again! I'm sure you've guessed from my name for this procedure that the whole thing is done 3 times. By the end his arse is purple and we'll striped and his clocks haft has been rubbed raw. I apply an ice pack for shrinkage, as he's usually still hard, and lock him up again till next month. he then goes to make my gin and tonic, and I drink this while he drinks from his bowl! Job done! Ms Olive (in Wales)

    1. !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    2. wow!!!!!!! still at it???????????

  11. I apologise for the typos in my original comment this morning. Typing whilst having my front bottom worshipped is obviously not a good idea! There should not be a full stop between wank and method in the fourth line, and for "his arse is purple and we'll striped and his cocks haft..." read "his arse is purple and well striped and his cock shaft..." Sorry! You'd never believe that I'm an editor/proofreader, would you?!!!

    1. this sounds so hot! Is he a slave??

  12. I keep my boyfriend chaste for special moments. Eventually I jack him off to a beautiful orgasm with a catch. As soon as his first spurt is out I slam his nuts and dick with a ping pong paddle 20-30 times. The next day he usually spends in the sack as he claims it is difficult for him to walk. That's my favorite time to play with his nuts... he moans and whimpers as his rod throbs. Then it's back in the belt until I take mercy on him again. I love our relationship!

    1. Sounds wonderful. My mistress makes me jack off and then right as I cum my balls are hit with a leather paddle. If she's feeling especially nasty she instead kicks me hard right in the balls. Talk about a ruined orgasm ...

  13. My mistress usually tells me when she wants my orgasm to be ruined. I have to then beg her to ruin it. When I get close to orgasm I tell her in detail of my orgasm state. When I say I'm cumming she stops all stimulation and it usually just dribbles out. If my cum squirt out she knows she's not stopped in time which is of course my fault. If this happens she will either tightly squeeze my cock head or squeeze my balls very hard.
    I pretty much know if the orgasm is not truly ruined my next one, whenever that is, will also be ruined. Though ruined orgasms are not satisfying to me my goal is still to have it ruined since my mistress OWNS my cock and all of its infrequent orgasms of whatever type she desires. It took me some time before I truly believed it was her cock and not mine.

  14. My goddess ruined my orgasm last week. Right when I started to release she squeezed by balls with both hands until I screamed in pain. She then let the cum drip on her fingers and fed it to me then sat on my face until she came. After she was finished she reminded my that she gets to have violent orgasms while her sub only gets the most minimal pleasure and lots of pain.

    1. Sounds like a perfect relationship. All women should take control of their man’s cock and orgasms. In time women will feel the sexual power of control and men will relish in giving up totally to their women.

  15. I have kept my husband locked in chastity now for over 2 years...once a month I release him and have him stand in the shower I then proceed to rub his cock slowly gradually building him up to an orgasm I make it last a long time and am now expert at judging how close he is to this time he is desperate and begging for release but he never gets it because when I judge that he is about to erupt I stop all stimulation and turn on the cold shower. He then has to stay there until he loses his erection and can be locked up again!...wonderful game...karen

  16. with my new 38 implants and stick on puss which hides my little ptr even when erect... I more than pass. I caught this guy in the gym locker and jacked him til he started to squirm and pant then I ran to my car for a quick get away. I love to leave them high and hard. When I got home I pulled my already hare ptr out ahd rubbed it til I started to leak then I put it away for a rainy day. I am so horny...

  17. I wear CB 6000s with KSD G3. Before marriage I was addicted to porn and masturbation. In FLR relationship is basic to avoid male masturbation.
    Control of the male orgasm is the next step. When husband ejaculate he loses energy and interest for his wife.

    My wife teasing me every day about half an hour. My denial period is about 2 months. During denial I have a strong tension in the balls, I'm always excited. All I want is to satisfy my wife.
    When I get an orgasm, suddenly disappears my energy and all desires for my wife. It takes days for me to recover from orgasm and to again have strong desire to satisfy my wife. Ruined orgasm is better. After such an orgasm takes me half a day to back on-line. My wife loves that after denial I get ruined orgasm.
    I like emotional stability, which provides ruined orgasm to me. I do not like large fluctuations in strong emotions.

  18. I am a husband that actually does wear a chastity device. It was my suggestion. All keys are under my wife’s control. I think it adds something awesome to our intimate lives. Ruined orgasms are not on my list of favorite things but I’m not complaining to my wife. I wouldn’t dare complain LOL.

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  20. hot and insightful!!!!!!!