Deserving of Orgasm?

I was at a local munch last week and I noticed a new girl who wasn't saying anything. Since conversing with one stranger is easier than a whole group of them, I went over to talk to her. She was fairly new to the lifestyle and a top in the relationship, so we had a lot to talk about. One thing that came up was that she wanted to control her submissive boyfriend's orgasms but was having a hard time deciding when he should or shouldn't come. She said she wanted to feel he deserved it but didn't like reflecting back on the day to think of something that made her unhappy. And then if something stood out, how does she weigh it against anything positive he might have done for her? My solution? A marble jar!

Get a wide mouth jar, a bag of black marbles, and a bag of white marbles. I prefer the contrast of black and white, so that's what I'll use in my description, but any two colors will work. Anytime your pet does something that pleases you, put a white marble in the jar. Anytime he does something you aren't happy with, put a black marble in. When it's time for him to come, out comes the jar. Shake it up a bit and have him pick one out at random, or randomly chose one yourself. If you're worried about him cheating you can have him hold the jar behind his back or over his head. If a white marble is chosen, he gets an orgasm, if a black marble is chosen he does not. Do not return the marble to the jar, but instead to the proper bag for its color.

This is a surprisingly fair method to determine if your pet deserves to come. It's all very simple and easy. To keep it fair and to make sure he's getting what he deserves, always do what the marble says! If he gets a black marble and you feel sorry for him, you can let him chose another marble again later the same day. (If he complains about a black marble, you can put it right back in for bitching.) If he gets a white marble despite bad behavior lately, then go with a ruined orgasm or some post orgasm torture. If you absolutely want him to come or not to come, then purposely pick out that marble. It's not cheating for you to chose one intentionally since you are still changing the contents of the jar by removing the marble, and if you want him to think it's random then just make sure he's blind folded or can't see you as you chose.

It may be hard to find reasons to add marbles at first. To add black marbles you could make a list of pet peeves as I suggested in a more serious post about punishment. This is a much more light‑hearted approach to behavior control. To keep this fair, warn your sub when there's something new that will earn him a black marble. The woman I mentioned earlier said her boyfriend's long showers bothered her. That's a great one, just let him know it'll earn him a black marble when he hits the 10 minute mark. Of course for things that aren't quite so "picky," feel free to drop in a black marble. Just mention what it's for so he associates the appropriate action with the black the marble. As for white marbles, you could one whenever your sub brings you to orgasm, or whenever he does something thoughtful. For example, whenever he makes you dinner or brings you a gift. I suggest his asking if he "earned a white marble" be a black marble offense. It's not necessarily, but keep the idea in mind though as some men can get annoying about such things.

There are several ways to deal with an empty jar. I prefer an empty jar resulting in no orgasm. If him giving you an orgasm adds a white marble to the jar, you simply get to come first when the jar is empty. That's how it should usually be anyway. You could always go with an empty jar meaning orgasm is allowed, but then has he really earned it? The other solution is to add some starter marbles to the jar as soon as it's empty. If you throw in just one white and one black marble, his actions have a bigger effect on his odds of having an orgasm, and it keeps things interesting. Will he be allowed orgasm or not? You can go with 5 of each if that sounds like more fun to you. Or adjust the initial white to black ratio depending on your own preference. If you find yourself running out of marbles too often then try assigning tasks and chores, which if completed satisfactorily and within the given time frame, earn a white marble, otherwise result in a black marble.

This is a fair but fun spirited way to decide if your sub gets an orgasm, and you don't have to feel guilty or second guess the decision. While you could use the jar approach just some of the time, it loses it's "fairness." If you decide your sub doesn't get to come without taking a black marble out, he may feel cheated. If you decide he gets to come without taking a white marble out, then you're getting cheated. If you're indecisive about letting your pet come, then try out this marble jar approach. It will really take the pressure off of you, and it's a great dynamic for the relationship.