Orgasm Control & Chastity

As I stated before, I'm a big fan of chastity devices. Given the opportunity to orgasm, a sufficiently horny man will always do so. Maybe I have trust issues, but the subs I've played with have proven this over and over again. I don't blame men for it, it's just how they're wired. If you don't use a chastity device, then your sub is coming when he's not allowed, I can almost assure you this is true. However, as a top, you have some say in this matter. If you're worried about sounding like you don't trust your significant other, play it off as a sexy game. I mean, after all, it is a sexy game.

Most people are turned on by a partner who is insatiability horny, and denial makes this possible. Think of a time in your past when someone you were with was horny but unable to come, and thus kept horny over an extended period of time. Perhaps you were simply somewhere that made playing or finishing impossible. Maybe it was a punishment, or maybe it was due to something as unsexy as medication or an interruption requiring immediate attention. You may be surprised to find it leads directly to, or coincides with, a time when you yourself were very horny. You may have even finished yourself off, but still wanted more. There must be something in our biology (pheromones?) that makes us hornier when our partner is yearning for sexual release. This is a great reason and a great excuse to use a chastity device to limit your sub's orgasms.

Personally, something that bothers me is the thought of my sub giving himself sexual release. When I get serious with a sub I insist any orgasm he gets come from me, or in some cases, from a device at my direction. (There's something sexy about a pitiless, unforgiving machine ruthlessly working away on a helpless individual. But that's another fetish altogether.) Sure sometimes I get really busy, but I'm never too busy for a 2 to 5 minute quickie should I decide that's what he needs. I don't even mind if he gets himself right to the very edge and I just finish him off with a few quick strokes or the tip of my finger, as long as it's me that pushes him over the top. I suppose this gives me importance, but it's really more than that. And it's not a misguided attempt to fulfill my "role" as the dominant sexual figure in the relationship, it's about being the focus of his sexual energy. It just feels right.

Now, nothing is foolproof, but a chastity device provides some peace of mind, and it helps take the temptation away from your boy. Some subs may fantasize about wearing the device 24 hours a day, but there are many downsides to this. If worn 24/7, a chastity device can also cause a loss of elasticity in the tissue of the cock, and erections will start to get smaller and softer. "Use it or lose it" as they say! Sleeping in a chastity device will also be very difficult and painful for someone new to it. Nightly erections are hardest to control and the pain they cause will often wake someone in a chastity device, at least until their bodies learn not to get erect at night. (This research article states men are erect for an average of 2 hours and 18 minutes each night! This article finds the lack of nightly erections to be correlated with erectile dysfunction.) Even if, given all this, you still want to keep your sub in chastity 24/7, I suggest you let him out daily for some teasing or at the very least, some monitored masturbation to curb these side effects. Having a sub wear a chastity device 24/7 does nothing for me, and proves nothing to me. So despite everything I said earlier, I primarily use chastity devices to remind the sub of the control I have over him, and only secondly to make sure he isn't coming without permission.

Chastity devices work by preventing the wearer from masturbating. Without being able to masturbate, your sub can't sneak in an orgasm and lie about it. However, I like my subs as horny as possible and preventing someone from masturbating is not conducive to this wonderful predicament. Men are also well known for masturbating even in sexually fulfilling relationships. The loss of impromptu masturbation scares some men away from the idea, and the lack of masturbation can even make some men depressed. It's almost cruel in this regard, but there's an easy solution. Just make your sub masturbate - orgasm not required - when you're around. If he seems a little down, or even just less horny, make him masturbate more.

I also want to emphasize that using a chastity device doesn't mean no sex. And again, orgasm denial doesn't mean no sex. Chastity devices can be removed for play. Just because you have sex, or play in other ways, doesn't mean your sub needs to have an orgasm. Orgasms don't just come out of nowhere and surprise you. If your sub is eager to please you, or knows there's punishment to be had, they won't come during sex if they aren't allowed. Even if they can't put their mind somewhere else, they can simply pause. If they aren't the ones in the position to pause, they can let you know when they are getting close. This goes for most types of play. Don't let orgasm denial prevent you from doing anything!

I insist my husband wear a chastity device, but I don't make him wear the device 24 hours a day. He's only required to wear it when we won't be around each other. Some people have fantasies of going months, or even years without coming, and I'd be happy to indulge such a fantasy - as long as the sex is still good for me. But my husband has no such fantasies. Upon agreeing to wear the chastity device, he gets a chance at an orgasm every other day. Specifically, there is no upper limit to the number of times per day I may make him come, but since things can pop up in our busy lives, I try for no less than every other day, with the occasional 2 day span. I've been asked, why use a chastity device if you're only preventing him from coming one or two days? For me it's about control, and the reminder to him that I'm in control. Throw a masturbation schedule in with the denial, and you have one madly horny sub. It also comes in handy for punishments where he is denied for longer period of times. In these cases he does go longer than a few days, and it often ends in a ruined orgasm just to emphasize what he's missing out on.

I recommend a good sterile plastic chastity device, although there are good metal ones too. Generally a good chastity device will cost about $150. I just checked and you can get them for about $50 to $100 on Amazon. I've used the CB3000 the most. I found the CB2000 to be too bulky (edit: it is no longer made), but the CB6000 is a good alternative. It's suppose to be more comfortable, harder to get out of, and harder to see under clothing. For larger men there's The Curve. But everyone is different and I can't say what will work for your guy. Needless to say, there are a lot to choose from. If you want to see other options you can find more on Amazon for a reasonable price, and a more complete listing on Stockroom and ExtremeRestraints. Some devices come with just one key, but most with two; make note of this when ordering. While not completely necessary, I suggest that if your lock comes with a single key, you pick up a new lock that has two keys. You can find them at any hardware store. Keep one on your key chain, so you won't leave it at home on accident. And hide the other somewhere in the house, so you can tell him where it is if there's an emergency or you lose your keys.

My husband has orgasms much more frequently than other subs I've "owned." I don't remember exactly how it came about anymore, but I felt he was hornier on this schedule. And although it works, a lot of subs are good with even just a weekly schedule. This may even be ideal since hormones peak on the 7th day before dropping down again (citation). If you can talk your guy into going 7 days at a time then give it a try! You may find you have more fun with it the hornier your pet gets. If you frequently go for longer periods, you should milk the prostate every 10 days for health reasons. I guess this might make 10 days ideal then? I got this number from my doctor years ago. When I explained we sometimes played with a device that could stop even nocturnal emissions, he said he wouldn't recommend abstaining longer than 10 days on a regular basis. I'm not sure if he just pulled that number out of his ass, but I've held to it. When searching I do run across a multitude of studies that found people who come more often have less prostate cancer. My solution to emptying the prostate is milking. But in a busy schedule like mine, I don't want to worry about that. In the rare case that I deny my husband longer than a week but less than a month, I'll skip the milking. I think it's really only an issue when someone goes multiple months, or frequently goes more than a week at a time. That said, this is another risk to be aware of.

Let me quickly go over how this all fits this into our day. When we wake up my sub masturbates for 20 minutes as I start to get ready for work. He leaves for work shortly after I do, but before I leave I make sure he's put on the chastity device. I use to help him with it, but it goes faster without me. I just give it a little tug to check it. If I'm in a hurry to leave he can even put the device on before showering. You can shower with most modern chastity devices on - a feature I suggest you check for. After work, when I'm fairly certain there's nowhere else I need to go for the day, I will take off his chastity device. This tends to be before dinner, but sometimes it's after. There's really nothing to worry about at this point. If he has to go back out without me I usually make him put it back on. If he has to use the bathroom the door stays partly open, or closed but unlocked if someone is around. Sure he could try to sneak off to a quiet corner and rub one out but he isn't going to risk getting caught. He knows how upset I'd be and what the punishment is, so it just isn't worth the risk. He masturbates again once more before bed, or if we're going to play, before we start. I get the best of both worlds. A sub who's horny from masturbating, but one who doesn't bring himself to orgasm. What an ideal combination.