Tease and Denial

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

Being Nasty

When it comes to the sexual definition, being nasty means being unbridled and uninhibited in regards to pleasure and play. This means doing things in the heat of the moment which would otherwise be considered filthy, dirty, taboo, or unpleasant in a nonsexual situation. If such actions are also unexpected this that tends to increase their nastiness. Being nasty requires taking a more dominant role, even if that roll is to ask for something.

For an innocent couple, a woman being nasty might break their current missionary position, get on all fours while telling her man to "take me doggy style." Other examples include sticking a finger in her man's ass during a blowjob, breaking away from a blow job or pulling your man up from cunnilingus for some heavy kissing, or asking for anal sex. Of course all of this probably sounds tame when spoken about in a nonchalant manner like this, but when done in an unbridled fashion, just in the middle of foreplay, it can be quite racy. Also, as you may have realized by now, as this innocence is lost, what is considered nasty will also become more extreme.

In a dominant/submissive relationship, not only has this innocence (lack of experience?) been lost, but the dynamic of the relationship and the roles taken on influence what is expected, and thus, what it takes to be nasty. For example, taking your sub in the ass (pegging) wouldn't likely be considered nasty, as it's often part of the d/s roll. Keep in mind this is only a generalization. If pegging isn't common play for you and your sub, then a surprise pegging "just for the fun of it," could certainly qualify as being nasty. The key here is still the appearance of spontaneity combined with an unforgiving drive for enjoyment and pleasure.

So then what would makes for some good nasty play with your sub? Well one way to do this is to bring in areas of BDSM that even experienced players will often find highly kinky. This often includes erotic blackmail, rimming, and watersports. People who do engage in these acts are often described as nasty, but like the vanilla examples given earlier, these are seen as nasty simply because you are ignoring the dirty or taboo nature of the acts in favor of your own pleasure or interests. If you aren't willing to go this far with your pet, the good news is you don't need to. There are other things you can do that will fall into your usual realms of play. The trick to being nasty then becomes exhibiting this same eagerness for pleasure despite the cleanliness, timing, or location of the situation.

A good way to do this is to improvise some toy or tool that you'd normally use. Instead of a gag, put your panties in his mouth. You can also use a sock if he's got a foot fetish. "But they're not clean!" Remember, you're eager to get on with your fun; do it anyway. This is a good thing, as doing it anyway shows a certain hedonistic urgency, and honestly, this will drive subs mad. The same improvisation can be done with bondage. You can use dog leashes, bungee cords, or even belts to tie someone up. Zip ties are great to have around and work wonderful as well.

Find or make an excuse to play where you have no means of cleaning up after, just play anyway. It will appear more unbridled if start out without a solution. Maybe tell your pet he won't be able to come because you don't want to make a mess. Let him know you are aware of the situation and keep it on his mind, but have your fun. Then, if you decide you do want him to have an orgasm, you can come up with a solution. You could mention that to keep things clean you'll have to finish him with your mouth, but when you do, you snow ball him. This is when he comes in your mouth hold and rather than swallow it, you kiss him and spit the cum into his mouth. You can either surprise him with it, or let him know what's going to happen. Either way I strongly suggest emphasizing beforehand how important it is you two don't make a mess so he won't just spit it out all over the place. Along the same lines, you can play until your pet will eagerly swallow his own cum, although technically it could get a bit messy. As a side note to the previous article, you're more likely to get away with the simple command approach when he knows you're serious about cleaning up.

Another way to use some of these seemingly spontaneous ideas and show this nothing's-going-to-stop-you attitude, is to play somewhere you normally wouldn't. It doesn't have to be a public place. It could even just be a different room than normal. This has the potential to make vacations, multiple day trips, and even holiday stays more fun for your pet, especially if travel isn't normally his thing. Hotels are great for this sort of play, but even the spare bedroom at your parent's house can be lots of fun. This is an awesome excuse for a custom gags. Improvised bondage is great fun but you might not have rope with you depending on where you are or what sort of trip you're on. (I suggest keeping rope in your car for emergencies by the way.) If nothing else you can stop at a toy store during your trip and pick up toy handcuffs. You can use mittens or tape on his hands so he can't easily undo the child safety locks. And of course, playing in a new place is a great excuse for not making a mess.

This is by no means an exhaustive guide to being nasty. There are any number of nasty things you can do when playing. As I'm sure you've heard before, it's all about the attitude. This isn't just true for being sexy, it's the trick to being that illusive nasty. Luckily, part of being nasty is being seen as doing things for your own pleasure, which should usually be a goal for you when topping. So try not to forget to have fun.

Failure and Lies

Sometimes a sub fails to follow through on his word. Due to the variety of possible causes and reasons, there's no one correct solution. Your first reaction may simply be to give up. He's obviously only in this for himself, right? Well maybe, but probably not. Don't give up so quickly. Sometimes a sub wants you assert more control over him, and he "acts up" in the same way that a child looking for attention might cause trouble. This is common enough that there's a term for this kind of sub, a brat. Other times, it may just be something the sub has trouble with; a weakness if you will. Both of these general problems can be corrected with very little effort, which is equally important. Luckily, while some subs intentionally make things difficult and some just lack willpower, the solution is the same, you need to exert more control.

Where I see this most is when you simply ask a sub not to come, but he does anyway when you're not around. If you've got him fairly well worked up, it's going to be hard for him to resist. I know men can control the urge, but hundreds of thousands of years of evolution have wired them to grab at every orgasm they can. It's hard to tell if he came, but if he admits to it, then this is most certainly a cry for help. It's best not to get too upset or angry over it. Even in the worst case scenario it's not that he cares about your happiness less than his, you're just really good at pushing his buttons. The correct reaction here is to be more strict with your means of orgasm control. In one of my earlier posts I talked about orgasm control and chastity devices. It doesn't have to be expensive; I link to one chastity device that costs $20! It doesn't have to be more work for you, you can have him put it on himself. And lastly, it doesn't have to be a 24/7 thing; you only need to require he wears it when you won't be around. Things don't have to be any different when you two are together.

The other thing you'll see in the realm of kink related tasks is the refusal of a sub to swallow his own cum. The leading cause of trouble here is the dramatic drop in arousal men experience after coming; things that were exciting before they came are no longer exciting after. Another possible cause for trouble is that some subs want to be forced into eating their own cum. This is similar to how subs enjoy being bound during CBT or other forms of play that they obviously enjoy. They still want to feel they have no choice in the matter. I go over the standard approach and some alternatives in an earlier post. If you've had trouble with a straight up command, then I suggest trying one of the different approaches I wrote about there. In fact, if you're feeding off your pet's excitement then the other approaches will work much better for you. However, if seeing your sub lick up his own cum in spite of his revulsion to it, then by all means stick with the straight forward approach. Make sure your pet knows he's doing it for you. By letting your sub know it means something to you, he's more likely to swallow his load out of loyalty or guilt. Which, yes, sounds sad, but he'll love that he did it later. The next time he's horny, he's going to think about what you made him do. The most common way to impress this on your sub is to tell him that watching him eat his own cum turns you on. You could even masturbate while watching him do so to reinforce this idea. Of course, if it isn't true, or would be too obvious of a lie, then just be honest with him about what it would mean to you and don't give up. Some things just take time.

The other area where you'll find subs break their word is when they fail to do a chore or other nonsexual task given to them. Some female led relationships simply allow for you to assign tasks, but sometimes this is something they've agreed to in the heat of the moment and fail to follow through with later. For example, after a long tease and denial session your sub agrees to wash your car in return for allowing him an orgasm. The quickest fix is to avoid mixing nonsexual tasks with sexual play. Obviously subs are more likely to agree to something in the heat of the moment. But where's the fun in that? I think life is more fun when things are all mixed together. The best way to handle this set to a deadline for the task(s). Let your pet know if it goes past the deadline you will not play with him again until he's finished. This is the best reproach for most tops, as we can often outlast our pets in a battle of wills. If you don't want to make this threat or think you might not be able to follow through with it, then, when playing with a pet who has an unfinished task, focus solely on what you like, and don't let him orgasm. I also recommend picking a serious punishment and punishing him every day he has an overdue task to complete. If the task is something you can't easily verify, or if you otherwise suspect your sub may be cheating in some way, put the burden of proof on him. Have him prove to you that he has done the task properly. The easiest way to do this is to having him record the entire process. Most laptops have webcams, so recording the entire process is a perfect means of proof. You don't have to actually watch the video to make sure he did as you wanted. You can just skip around in it for a minute, and if you do suspect something is up, it's there for you to comb through. If he is skirting the task, I suggest not only making him do it again before it counts, but punishing him as well. I think you'll find your pet learns quickly with this approach.

I don't deny that some subs are simply scumbags, only interested in their own pleasure and happiness. However, I think you'll find most trouble of this kind comes from subs who want you to take more control or otherwise want you to take things further. Oftentimes they are embarrassed to admit it, or admitting it would ruin the fantasy. Maybe they want to wear a chastity device, maybe they want to be forced to come into their own mouth, maybe they want to know you're willing to exert your dominance outside of the bedroom. Keep in mind that most subs enjoy feeling forced into things! If you otherwise like your pet, don't just give him up for lost. Taking more control away from him can actually be quiet easy. Not only will you be happier that your pet is following through, but your pet will be happier because of it too.

Super Glue!

Super glue is often overlooked as a tool for kinky fun, probably because of all the horror stories involving super glue. A prank from April Fools' Day comes to mind, someone got glued to a toilet. Another one that stuck with me was when four women glued a man's cock to his stomach. Both of those guys end up in the emergency room for treatment, but only due to the lack of proper knowledge and tools. I would have been able to unglue both of them right then and there.

Super glue is one of those things that's fun to play with on a rare occasion, but first I want to go over some precautions and warnings. If you just want to skip ahead to the fun stuff, then go ahead. To minimize skin irritation you want just plain super glue. Not something with an additive, like Gorilla Super Glue (which adds rubber). Elmer's Super Glue, The Original Super Glue, and Krazy Glue are all fine. Never put super glue in any bodily openings. Do not put it on eyes/eyelids, ears, nose, mouth/lips, anus, the urethra (AKA piss hole), or even the head of the penis itself. Likewise, never play with yourself after handling super glue until your hands are clean. And always work with super glue in a well-ventilated area.

People often think super glue is near permanent, but isn't not as super as some think. There are actually many ways to break down super glue. My remover of preference is acetone, which is actually found in most nail polish removers (and is likely in one you already have), but I prefer to use 100% pure acetone. Soak a cotton ball or q-tip in acetone and work it into the area that's stuck. It's not magic so it will take some time. Rock the area back and forth and work the acetone in. Don't just pull it apart as you may rip the skin. Once free, I suggest you wash the area with soap and water, and apply lotion as both super glue and acetone dry the skin.

Another thing you can use is petroleum jelly, aka Vaseline. Again I prefer 100% pure petroleum jelly, but any seems to work. It's not as effective as acetone and takes longer to work, but is less harsh on the skin. It's also wonderful at preventing super glue from sticking. If you want to make sure you don't get super glue on a particular area, cover it in Vaseline.

There are other more harsh chemicals for removing super glue, but they work faster. Which makes them good for those off cases where you need to get free quickly. These are Z-7 Debonder, Goo Gone, and Goof Off. I like to keep some around but you can certainly get by without it.

I've got a couple more tips before I get to some fun examples. Most people and web sites say when removing super glue, to start with soap and water, which is great advice, unless the super glue hasn't set yet, in which case water will make it harden; straight acetone will work better in that case. I suggest working with the cock in a semi erect or fully erect state. You don't want the foreskin to get stuck somewhere that makes erections painful. (Or do you?) It's also a good idea to shave any area you plan on applying glue to, as hair will not only make your glue less effective, it can pull on the hair painfully. While you only have to hold super glue in place for 30 seconds, it can take up to 5 minutes to fully set, so I suggest holding off on playing with your newly glued toy for a good 5 minutes. Try not to drop any on your clothes, carpet, sheets, or other fabric, as it's hard to get it clean once it sets. I prefer to work naked with an old towel under my sub to catch any stray drops. I also suggest wearing latex gloves to avoid gluing your own fingers. Super glue will suck the moisture out of the skin it touches, so I always suggest putting lotion on the area afterwards. If it's in an area that's not obviously visible then don't worry so much about getting every last bit off the skin, it will work itself off in a couple days and is probably easier on the skin that way.

Always think about how you will remove the super glue if you need to, even if you don't plan on removing it. Let's say you want to glue a tiny cowboy hat onto your thumb, just put glue around the ring of the hat. Don't cover your entire thumb in glue and stick the hat on there! That's so much more glue you have to remove. Also consider reachability; you could go one step further and only put a dab of glue in the very top of the hat and then stick it on your thumb. But now how are you going to work any glue remover into the top of that hat? You'd probably have to just pour and hope it reaches the glue, and if the hat is on too tight there's could be no easy way to reach it.

Now on to the fun stuff. You can glue the underside of your sub's cock to his balls so as his erection grows it pulls on them. It's a frustratingly fun situation for your sub to be in. And depending on how far under/along his balls you glue his cock, this is can be an effective form of chastity. Similarly, gluing the sub's foreskin closed over his cock can be another form of fun frustration to play with. If the sub is uncut or otherwise has rather long foreskin, an erection may be possible. This allows you to take things further than teasing and have sex with your sub without him coming. I suppose some might be able to reach orgasm, but most won't be able to due to the lack of friction in sensitive areas. Although I recommend being very careful that super glue is dry before trying anything with sex and a glued cock.

You can super glue your pet's cock to his stomach like in the news story I referred to earlier. Just make a line of glue up his erect cock and attach it to his stomach. While it makes peeing difficult, it's fun for short term play. For example it makes some forms of CBT easier as his cock doesn't swing out of the way when you whip it and it can't shield his balls if those are your target. If your sub's erection pushes into his stomach when hard, you can glue some screws to his stomach pointing up. When he gets fully erect his cock will push into the pointy screws. You could even have some fun teasing him to encourage it.

You can humiliate your sub using super glue as well. If you are having a friend over you could glue his finger tips to cock. Or you could go a step further and glue a full handed grip into place. (Again make sure you only outline the hand so you can free his hand easier.) Another idea would be to glue bra cups to his chest to give him breasts. You could even attach a pretty pink bow to his cock and make him wear it for a day.

You can glue a condom on your pet's cock and make him come in public. Do not coat the entire cock or any of the head of the cock, just glue the edge of the condom. (Remember the hat example?) Do any setup you need to before putting the condom on him. You can hook up stim pads if you have a remote estim device, or with a little work you can fit an egg vibrator in with the condom. Condoms can really stretch a lot, but if you must you can tape a vibrator to the outside of the condom in a strategic location. (I'd hate to glue it.) When gluing the condom on be careful not to get glue on any wires; you can coat them in petroleum jelly to make sure they don't stick to the super glue. Now you can privately turn the remote device on out in public and let run to completion, and have no mess. Bring some bandage shears to free him should he need to get out of the condom immediately.

As you can see, super glue opens up some new possibilities. It can actually be a bit of fun if you were the type of kid who liked craft time. If you've never played with super glue before I suggest you test it out first. It does take some time to remove the glue, so it's a good idea to understand the process before trying it on someone else. When I get a new glue remover I will sometimes glue my thumb and forefinger together to test it out. You can do the same or try it out on something you were going to throw away anyway. Of course a lot of project don't need to be removed. The pink bow idea I mentioned is safe to leave on till it comes off on it's own, and pretty much anything you glue to the balls will come off in 24 hours.

Halloween Kink

I love Halloween, so I decided to make a special Halloween post. Halloween is one of the kink friendliest holidays. Not only are there always kink friendly parties to be found, but what other holiday can you dress up a man in women's clothes and go out in public and not only not offend anyone, but get compliments for it? Halloween gives you an excuse to play around with ideas or concepts you might not even normally think about. I'm going to go over my favorite costume, and then follow up with a few other fun but relatively easier costumes.

I've helped subs into a variety of fun and kinky costumes, but my favorite, by far, was one of my own creation, the backwards blowup doll. One year I saw someone wearing a crappy blowup doll costume that was just a skin colored bodysuit with blowup doll written around the belly button. I liked the concept, it was especially fitting for a sub, but the costume itself was so bad that I couldn't help but think of ways to improve it. Regular blowup dolls just aren't big enough to fit someone in, but the plastic look is unmistakable. To make sure I had enough material I got two identical female, "life size" blowup dolls. (Any cheap blowup doll should work.) I cut one in half above the waste to make pants, and one below the waste to make a top. This ensures there will be some overlap and makes it a bit taller. This still isn't wide enough for a person to wear, so I cut along the seam and super glued in strips of material from the spare halves so it would fit my sub. I also super glued a couple Velcro strips to the pants and shirt so they wouldn't come apart. I cut off the feet so I could just tape them to my sub's shoes, and I removed the face and attached two elastic strings to it so it could be worn like a mask. This is when I noticed two things. First, the holes in the mask for eyes, nose, and mouth, weren't going to align with anyone's face. Second, the blowup doll pants didn't leave enough room for both the sub and penetrable pockets. And what I had really wanted was a fuckable blowup doll.

After a couple days of moping, inspiration struck me. I would put the costume on backwards. To clean him up and make sure he wouldn't have to take a dump after being dress, I started out with a simple enema. Next, I got him naked, and hard. I inserted a dildo in his ass as a placeholder, and while holding his ass cheeks apart best I could, I cling wrapped him a pair of underwear with his cock and balls sticking out front, and dildo sticking out the back. I had him put on the blowup doll pants with the front facing backwards, and as we pulled it up I filled it out where it wasn't tight so that it had that smooth balloon look. I don't remember what stuffing I used, just something random from the craft store. When we got up to ass level, I removed the dildo and exposed a direct line of sight to his asshole. I lubed up the backside of the pussy and worked it into his ass with a dildo. Basically pressing the fake vaginal opening in from the outside of the costume. Now the blowup doll had a reasonably fuckable pussy! I tried to position the hole for the doll's ass so I could poke at his cock and balls, but it was only an afterthought. To do the top of the doll the process was similar to the bottom, again with the front facing backwards. I had to have him lay down so the stuffing wouldn't fall out during packing, and everything pretty much stayed in place. To make them feel similar to the breasts on the blowup doll, I used two large balloons but only inflated them enough to fill up the boobs. My sub had some black shoes so I had him put those on so they wouldn't be too visible. I stuffed the cut off doll feet, sealed them up good, and attached them to the back of the shoes and pants so the feet pointed in the right direction as well. For the face, I took the head from the second doll, which had no holes cut in it and attached the elastic strings. I then put the mask on the back of his head. (Yes the strings went over his face.) This looked great because it was round just like a blowup doll and didn't have the shape of a human face. I put a black wig on him, also backwards, with the hair covering his face. It was a cheap wig so there wasn't enough hair to entirely block his vision, but it did a good enough job of hiding his face. To complete the effect I told him not to bend his arms or knees as he walked, and I had him walk backwards. From the back, he looked like a blowup doll facing forward.

I made sure to tell everyone the blowup doll's vagina went in, and was 100% fuckable. I expected everyone to squeeze the breasts, which is why I went through the trouble of filling them with balloons, so they'd feel like blowup doll boobs. But I didn't think anyone would really want to touch his "pussy." To my pleasant surprise a lot of people actually wanted to feel it or even stick a finger in! I was more than happy to let anyone who wanted to poke around to do so. Someone even volunteered to test it out for us at the end of the night. How awesome is that? The "vagina" is air tight (or else a blowup doll wouldn't hold any air), but I made sure the guy used a condom as not to make a mess of the costume. I sure felt proud. To adapt the costume for general public throw a bra and panties on your sub once he's in his blowup doll costume. I suppose you could even throw on a short skirt to make it more "safe" for the public depending on where you're going. The only real problem is getting your sub to walk backwards without stumbling over everything. I would either just tell him when to step up or down, or just hold his hand and would pull it up or down so he'd know to step. It was probably the funnest Halloween costume I've ever played with.

Now for some fun ideas that take less work. The first is the obvious drag queen costume. Tell your sub not to shave that morning, or for a couple days depending on how fast his facial hair grows. If he just can't get that manly stubble then you can draw it in. Any pen or fine marker will work, just draw in a bunch of little lines. If you're going to a kink friendly party you can get away with something a little more lingerie like, either way, go as slutty as you can safely get away with. Your local super store or discount clothing store are a good place for finding this type of clothing without paying too much. The idea with this one is to be obvious, so overdo it with the makeup. Powder his face too much or go heavy with foundation, put on a bit too much blush, and way too much eyeliner. Throw some overly bright red or pink lipstick into the mix, and finish up the package with a blond, or even pink wig. High heel shoes aren't necessary for the "obvious" look, just have him wear shoes that contrast sharply, such as tennis shoes. Don't do anything half way, chose either obviously male, or overly female.

Female masked costumes are great but often overlooked for men, but these can be fun as well since it can be difficult to tell if it's a man or a woman in the costume. Your sub may even get hit on by guys, which is something I always enjoy seeing. This set of costumes includes the Disney princesses, but the grownup versions of these costumes don't usually come with a mask. Sometimes you can find a child's mask that will fit an adult, or an adult mask that's generically female enough to pass as a princess, but a celebrity mask can also make a good costume. Sarah Palin masks are pretty easy to get right now and could make a sexy costume since she wears skirts. You could probably get away with a Condolisa Rice or Hillary Clinton costume as well, but those don't strike me as being as much fun. Since the mask makes this costume, find a mask first and then build the costume around it. If you can only find a generic female face then I suggest getting a Cinderellas costume, as that's most recognizable. A wig and high heels are necessary, so don't overlook those. You may have to go to a big and tall store for the heels but I think it's really worth it. To keep it fun and sexy I wouldn't suggest using a dress that fully covers the legs unless your sub has very manly legs, or the dress itself really completes the costume, like a frilly blue Cinderella dress. In cases where you end up with a longer dress I'd suggest leaving off the panties to keep things sexy. If legs are shown I also recommend your sub shave his legs as not to give away his gender.

The other option is of course a sexy costume meant for a woman. The french maid outfit is often overdone on Halloween, but great nonetheless. Any sexy costume will work and can be a lot of fun, but when choosing this type of costume, keep in mind that it can really be a lot of work. You have to go full out feminine as with the the previous suggestion. This includes a wig, high heels, and shaved legs, but you also have to make a good attempt at makeup.

Greasepaint can hide stubble on the face. And don't feel bad about having your pet shave his legs for a Halloween costume; whenever the sub sees, feels, or even thinks about his shaved legs this will not only remind him sub of his place, but of the fun you two had. This can make him (more?) horny even when you aren't around to tease him. Keep in mind that if your sub doesn't normally shave his legs because it would cause too many questions, or is unacceptable for one reason or another, having the excuse of "it was for a Halloween costume" often suffices. That said, opaque hosiery will generally hide leg hair. The darker the hair, the darker or more opaque you need it to be.

Halloween is also a great time to pick up a wig or two. Many stores carry them around this time of the year, so you can have your sub try them on to see how they look and to make sure they fit well. It's also a great time to pick up fun costumes for your sub if he's into humiliation or feminization, for example, french maid attire is desired by many subs. If there's no urgent need for an extra wig or costume I suggest you wait until the day after Halloween to buy them, as most every place marks them down to clear them out. Wigs and costumes such as the french maid can be rather costly the rest of the year, but if you go after Halloween you can get them for a great price.

Halloween is not only a great excuse for cross dressing, but a great excuse for all kinds of fun. It sparks the imagination, and if nothing else, is a great excuse to try just about anything. Want an excuse to try pegging? Dress up your pet as a woman. Want an excuse to try rimming? Dress up as a cheerleader and tell your sub his tongue is only worthy of your ass. Hell, the excuse doesn't even have to make sense. If you want to play with a chastity device tell your pet that in order to properly fill the role of his costume - and any costume will work as an excuse - you're going to keep him locked up all day and only let him out to tease him from time to time. Whatever you do, have a fun and happy Halloween.

Blogger Burnout

It happened, I've got blogger burnout. Not writers block, but burnout. I was just tired of writing, and it made me ask myself, am I really enjoying this? I enjoy giving advice to other tops almost as much as I like topping myself. (Well, maybe not quite that much.) But it started to feel like the effort I was putting into this wasn't helping women as much as it was getting men off.

The big thing I had noticed was the number of comments and emails I received from males. When I first started, a much higher percentage of my readers were female. I've always insisted there are far more submissive males than dominant females, so this is inevitable. However, most of my earliest comments were from women, but later comments have mostly been by men. I'm guessing as people started following the blog, and as I posted more and more topics, it became more intimidating to women looking for a kink or fetish related guide.

I still receive an email from a woman every now and then, so at least I know a couple fellow ladies are reading my blog. I've decided to take a month or so off, and give it another shot, but I'm going to back off on the frequency a bit. I'll be aiming for once a month, at least to start. And, of course, I still plan to write my posts primarily directed at the female top. If I eventually run out of topics I may revisit specific portions of other posts in more detail, or may even try to answer questions readers might have. We'll see when (if?) we get there.

Pegging

Since I've got a prostate theme going here, I'll finish up with Pegging. Despite how commonly the two are brought up together, for someone with a pegging fetish, it's almost certainly not about the prostate. For those who have never heard the term before, pegging is simply anal sex with a strap-on dildo. Submissive men fantasize about this because it reverses gender roles, being penetrated rather than penetrating. I'd suggest everyone try it once, if for no other reason than for the experience of being on the other side. That said, there will be more men than women who enjoy pegging; although usually, even for men, it's due more to mental aspects than physical.

I'd like to start by clearing up some misconceptions. Just because a man is interested in pegging, it doesn't mean he's gay or bi. It doesn't even mean he's curious about sexual acts with a man. It just means he wants a woman to do him in the ass. It may mean he's into feminization, but it may also be due to an interest in humiliation, as there has traditionally been stigma associated with anal sex. It may just be the whole taboo aspect of the thing he's interested in. This is true even if a man has fantasies of being forced to suck a cock for your enjoyment. In the end it's about your control over him. Another misconception, mostly by men this time, is that women get great pleasure from pegging. Subs love it when a woman enjoys such an act, and thus it's portrayal in erotic writing and porn is greatly exaggerated. Obviously there are no sensitive nerve ending in a dildo, and we miss out on a lot of potentially enjoyable friction. In reality it's difficult for us, if not impossible, to orgasm from pegging. I touched on a very similar misconception in my previous post so I won't go over it again in great detail, but I'd like any men reading this to keep that in mind.

There are some dildos designed to stimulate the woman while she fucks a man in the ass, but I've found them all to be a bit overrated. Nonetheless, they are more fun than regular strap-ons, and worth the investment if you're trying to make the most out of pegging. The most popular of these is the Feeldoe. However, after becoming popular they changed the way they're made; the silicone tends to be slightly too firm for comfort now, and it's a common complaint you'll hear from women with the new Feeldoes. They have a vibrator attachment which can help if you prefer vibration, but it seems those have gotten cheaper as well. Even on the older models, the vibrations aren't as strong as I'd like but it's the feature of the Feeldoe that gets the most attention. Then there's the Nexus Double Dildo. It's tends to be harder to hold in due to it's weight, but offers a deeper filled sensation, if you enjoy that. They seem to be gaining in popularity, probably due to the changes in the Feeldoe. There's little else to be said about them. My personal favorite, by far, is something FunFactory makes called Share. In my experience, it feels the best, it easily rubs both your g-spot and your clit, and is the easiest to hold in place. As such, this is probably the closest you're going to get to experiencing a cock of your own. Although that's not saying much.

Are three all made out of silicone, which can be cleaned with soap and water, or alcohol, and can be thoroughly sterilized in boiling water. I always suggest you use a water based lube, as lubricants that contain silicone can destroy silicone toys. They all are primarily held in with your PC muscle. Even if you have strong muscles, if things get too wet for you, the toys can pop out. You can help prevent this with kegel exercise, holding your legs together tightly, or simply adding a harness to the mix. By far, the best harness is SpareParts' Joque Harness. But pretty much any cheap o-ring harness without padding, or with removable padding, will do the trick. I know several happy owners of this cheap harness for example.

As I've mentioned before, a man's prostate is often stimulated during anal penetration. While not being the sole point of pleasure, this tends to make pegging an enjoyable experience, rather than the torturous one often imagined by subs. Of course, since prostate stimulation doesn't give all men erections, don't expect pegging alone to do so either. Men will get the most enjoyment out of pegging with simultaneous stimulation of their cock and balls. Being a bit of a sadist myself I prefer to use a dildo that's too big to be comfortable for the sub. This takes away some of the physical pleasure for the sub but if you flat out explain that you're intentions are to make things less comfortable or enjoyable, this usually returns more than what it takes in the form of mental and fetish pleasures. It's really a win-win. If your sub is into feminization you can have him dressed up before play to intensify the situation for him.

It's important to make sure you're pet is properly lubed before starting. What works best, especially for first timers, is to slowly work lube into his ass with your fingers. Of course I recommend gloves, but if you and your sub are comfortable without you using them then feel free to skip them. Start shallow and with one finger. Work the lube in deeper and deeper and add a second finger to help relax him and loosen him up. If he feels too tight you can remind him to relax. If you're worried he will be too tight just apply more lube and continue to stretch him with your fingers. As long as you're gentle about it you should be fine. If you're sub isn't new to this, or it just isn't your style, you can work the lube into him slowly with the dildo itself. Lube it up, but don't just plunge in. Work it in a little bit at a time, going back and forth in small amounts spreads out the lube more evenly. After about an inch or increased resistance, pull out, add more lube, and repeat, going deeper each time.

As for penetration, the most common way to peg is with the sub on his back, at the edge of a table or bed, with his legs in the air. It's important to get the height right so you don't have to struggle to thrust your synthetic cock into him. You can put pillows under his ass to lift it to a height that's comfortable for you, or if you're more serious about it, you can pick out a table of the correct height to simplify things. In this position I suggest securing his ankles to his hands via cuffs, bondage tape, etc. This makes him more vulnerable and gives you more control. This position is popular because it allows easy access to your sub's genitals. I've even seen someone give a blow job while pegging from this angle. CBT is also possible in this position; whipping and slapping the cock and balls being the easiest. You can hold on to his balls while you peg him, squeezing and pulling on them. Tying up his balls will help in this regard, and you can make a little harness leash combo if you otherwise have trouble reaching them. E-stim also works well as you can adjust it easily enough while you peg.

Pegging doggy style doesn't give you such easy access to his most sensitive bits, and it won't hit the prostate as much, but is also a common approach. Part of the popularity is because many find it more humiliating, as there is a bit of stigma involved with doggy style. Hell, even the name is a bit derogatory. If you want to take it a step further you can put a dog collar on your sub and use a leash to pull him onto your synthetic dick. It's also easier to get a good cock-to-ass height with your sub as you can adjust his vertical height by spreading his legs further apart. Which brings up my favorite thing about doggy style, something I call "side effect" orgasms. If his legs are spread far enough apart his cock can rub the bed as you fuck him in the ass, and this can cause a wound up pet to come. While such an orgasm would still be enjoyable, it can be humiliating as well. If you aren't directly stimulating his cock when he comes, it will seem to him as if he came from anal play alone. If this happens don't let the opportunity pass. You can get great mileage out of teasing him about how much of an anal slut he is. You can use this excuse with e-stim but works much better with less obvious forms of stimulation that can be done with a from-behind approach to pegging.

One of the best ways to get a "side effect" orgasm is to bend your sub over a table before pegging. Make sure you've heavily lubed up his cock during some earlier play, and with every thrust into his ass you will be effectively stroking his cock on the table. I suggest making sure he is hard before you lean him over the table and then checking after a bit to see if the stimulation is keeping him hard. As with all things penis, stimulation can go one of two ways: not enough stimulation and he goes soft, or enough stimulation to keep him hard and eventually lead to orgasm. If you are worried he's not moving enough you can get more lube on the table or even go as far as covering most of his front side so he slides more, but I don't find it necessary. I suggest pulling his balls out behind him as not to get in the way of his cock and you can grab onto them or play with them for added stimulation. Again, some ball bondage with a leash can help here.

Depending on the angle of your sub's erect cock you can have him kneeling on the bed, with his legs spread far enough for the underside of his cock head to rub on the bed. I suggest putting a towel down to keep things clean. Again, each thrust will bring him closer to orgasm. Pulling back on the balls as you reverse thrust will cause the cock to rub harder against the surface. I've also noticed beds have a tendency to cause a bit more movement under a sub than a table does. This is actually how I first discovered the trick, and later improved it into the table version mentioned above. But this still works surprisingly well for some subs, maybe due to the roughness of a towel opposed to the smoothness of the table. It's also less obvious that you're doing it on purpose and makes it better for that "I can't believe you came from this" angle.

If you're goal during pegging is orgasm, the sooner he reaches orgasm, the sooner you can stop. Even if you whole heartily enjoy pegging, it can become tedious if your sub isn't able to reach an orgasm when you want him to. It always helps to have edged or played with your sub before hand so he's quicker to reach orgasm. Having him "ready himself" for you by masturbating to the edge of orgasm while fingering himself is a fun way to make things easier for you. He's lubed and ready to go. If pegging is just final event of a series of play you may wish to have a back up plan in case your sub is unable to reach orgasm through the method you had preferred. Often freeing a hand and having him "come for you" works.

Personally, it's a rare occasion that I initiate pegging for my own enjoyment, as there are other things I enjoy more. If I want stimulation, whimpering, squirming, or to embarrass my sub, there are better avenues for each. Personally, I see pegging as a gift or reward for a sub, but using it as a (play) punishment tends to heighten the experience. That said, I understand why some women enjoy it so much. After all, the mind is the most powerful sex organ. There is a sexy power exchange taking place, and there's a nice humiliation angle to it as well. Also, if you feed heavily on your sub's emotions and reactions, then someone with a pegging fetish can also add more to the pleasure of the act. This is, however, another one of those things that, as a top, you shouldn't feel bad about if you don't enjoy it.