Friday, August 12, 2011

Humiliation Help

In previous posts I talked about humiliation in private and humiliation online. This leaves us with humiliation in person, with a real person. We don't want to break any laws, so how do you go about finding a willing participant? If one of these approaches is too much for you then just skip the paragraph and go on to the next. If none of these sound reasonable to you and you can find no one to help you out with such adventures, then simply avoid going there. Don't let your sub, or your desire to please your sub, pressure you into a situation you aren't comfortable with.

First, always be upfront and honest with anyone you contact about what you're looking for; tricking someone into helping is a good way to get in trouble. I also suggest you have an idea of what you want your third party to do beforehand. If you're looking for someone to be involved physically, it's going to be a lot harder to find someone. And finding someone to watch your pet "perform" will be harder than if you're just looking for a quick scene, such as coming to the door to sell something, only to be "surprised" and run off at the site of your tied up, cross dressed, and/or maturating sub. Of course, don't go as far as scripting something out. Not only do memorized lines tend to sound like memorized lines, but a fixed script is likely to scare potential help away.

The most obvious approach would be to hire a professional dominatrix, an escort, or a stripper. This approach is also expensive. A professional dominatrix will cost the most and you probably don't need to pay that price just for someone to watch. Some escorts actually escort, but some do more and will be happy to help. As a last resort you can check with services that hire out strippers for things like bachelor parties. Keep in mind that when you ask an escort or stripper service for something that sounds kinky, you'll be asked to pay a bit more. The mark up varies, but expect something from 50 to 200% more. The bright side is that since you're not looking for sex or other dangerous acts, and looks don't matter, you can go with the cheapest service you can find. CraigsList has shut down it's adult section, but Backpage fills that niche now. And don't forget, you can always check the phone book.

The next most obvious approach is to post a personals ad to CraigsList. While this is completely free and fairly easy to set up, it's also one of the hardest to pull off. Again, be honest. I suggest saying you're looking for a woman who would be willing to let you humiliate your sub in front of them. If you say you want someone who will "help you humiliate" your sub, it sounds more daunting. Most women however won't be very interested in such things, and no matter what you say in your ad, most everyone you get a reply from will be a man. What I've found with men on CraigsList is that they'll want more than to just watch. I suggest avoiding men from CraigsList entirely unless they have a female partner who will come along with them. Sure there are some reasonable men out there, and if you have a conversation with someone and everything seems right, then go for it. But beware of guys who are looking for a blowjob on the side.

If you really want to bring someone around, your best bet is to find someone in the lifestyle or community. What might be the obvious approach to some is to check your local BDSM club. But for many, this is too daunting a task, especially since many require a membership or have a high non-member entry fee. Most people will be more comfortable going to such social settings with their sub, but then when you do get talking to someone who might be interested he's likely to remember them, which doesn't really ruin anything but I do think it's more fun if it's someone your sub hasn't met before. If you prefer to have your sub involved and you are comfortable in such settings then this is an acceptable approach.

The easiest way to find someone however, is at local munches. These are low key, low pressure, meetings in a public setting. The dress is casual, there's no fetish attire or BDSM play. Topics range from the most vanilla of small talk to the kinkiest of BDSM subjects. This is one of the best ways to meet a like minded person in the community. The trickiest part here is finding local munches and clubs. While Google and Craig's List might aid you in your search, currently best way to find such things are through the site FetLife. You can search for events and local groups through the site once you've signed up.

While I am often disappointed with FetLife's feature set, I have to admit that it has it's strong areas. If you're not the type of person to go to a munch or BDSM club, then FetLife is still useful for you. Not only is it great for finding local clubs and munches, but it's probably the best and safest way out there right now to meet the type of person you're looking for from your home. If it's a woman you'll usually end up making an arrangement with her to help you out, and in turn, you'll help her with her pet. If you decide to go with a man then usually he's willing to watch or otherwise help for nothing in return. Since FetLife has no way to search for other people with similar interests in your area I suggest joining a local group and simply posting what you're looking for there.

Of course you could always ask a friend for help, but I'd only suggest considering this if you're keeping your sub for life, or at least as long as you plan on keeping your friendship with said friend. For most people it's not worth risking a friendship over a little sexual fun. Hopefully you know a bit about your friend's interests, but a safe way to gauge their interest is by asking them hypothetical questions. Of course you could end up offending them, but if they're really your friend, blah blah blah. Also, they may be willing to help you out once, but if you're interested in getting their help multiple times, keep in mind a friendship is a give-take relationship. Even if your friend is into kinky play, they aren't likely to get satisfaction from helping you humiliate your sub. If your friend also has a sub then this might be a favor you can trade off with her, but if not, the other options is to bring her into the play. At this point we're looking at some sort of three way action which, again, many people aren't conformable with. So while it's not always a bad idea, please think it through before attempting to involve a friend in such an intimate part of your life.

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