Friday, April 29, 2011

Punishments Done Right

Punishments are a strange thing in the BDSM world, as they are often longed for and fantasized about. If you aren't careful, punishment can have the opposite effect. I'd like to point out that there are two types of punishments, the first type are just part of kinky play, and the second type of punishments are an honest deterrence to behavior. I call these fun punishments and serious punishments, respectively. Both have their place, but the community mostly focuses on the playful end of things. Kinky stories, which are usually written by men, are filled with punishments that subs would just love to endure. Whereas serious punishments are harder to find.

Fun punishments should never be given out for something you don't want your sub to do. Only use them playfully, and in ways that your sub knows you are playing. Tone and attitude is extremely important. Make sure you are overly playful and cheery about it so he knows you're not seriously upset. For example, when my pet is massaging my legs and thighs (all the way up please) I'll tell him if he gets hard I'll have to spank him, or make him go down on me, etc. It doesn't even have to make sense as a punishment. You can pick pretty much anything you two enjoy for a fun punishment. All you have to do is treat it like one; tell him he's been a naughty boy and he must live with the consequences. These punishments are a lot of fun, and you can find countless great ideas online.

However, one area often overlooked is real punishment, and that's what I'd like to focus on. I call it Domestic Discipline, but I'm sure that's some sort of misnomer in the BDSM world. Sure, if your sub is horny, then almost any punishment has the potential to make him more horny, but the goal with domestic discipline is behavioral change, and it can be accomplished. To me, this is one of the most over looked perks of being a dominant in a D/s relationship. Most subs love the whole "training" aspect, and those that don't, readily accept it. You get a well behaved sub, and they get what they enjoy, being treated as your pet. Both sides enjoy the power exchange.

When dealing with the serious punishments, avoid punishments that are difficult or hard on you. If something is a lot of trouble, then it's also a punishment for you. The exception of course is if it's something you really enjoy, then it's worth the trouble. Perhaps you really enjoy pegging and your guy hates it, then this is still an acceptable punishment for serious offenses. But most men love pegging, and most women don't get any enjoyment from it. So, again, be careful with what you use as punishments. Don't let your sub trick you into a punishment he actually enjoys.

That said, one thing I've learned over the years is that serious punishments should always have a sexual element to them. You don't want your sub to be angry with you about being punished. Having a sexual element involved connects to him on a low, submissive, and sexual level, and reminds him that training is something he wants as well. This association will also help your sub accept his punishment, even if he feels he's being punished unfairly. While some punishments are solely sexual punishments, it's also fairly easy to add in a sexual element to otherwise normal punishments. For example, one vanilla punishment might be standing in the corner for 15 minutes. To add a sexual element to this, have your sub wear weights from his balls for those 15 minutes as well. If he is to clean the yard as part of a punishment, make him wear a butt plug.

For the most part I prefer to use punishments that are sexual in nature all on their own. My personal favorite is ball spanking. I call it spanking because it even sounds harsh. It's the punishment I most commonly give my husband for breaking any of the "pet rules." The pet rules started out as a list of pet peeves, pun intended, but I've added other offenses to the list, such as not getting the door for me. When he breaks a pet rule, I tell him to get himself ready for a ball spanking. If others are around at the time or we're not at home, at the first chance I get I let him know that he will be getting a ball spanking; then when it's time I tell him to get himself ready. This means he is to undress, secure himself to the bed, and wait for me. If he is hard I wait until he's not hard. When we begin I ask him what he did wrong, if I have to tell him then that's an extra spank to the balls. He then is to tell me it was wrong and that he won't do it again. I start with three spanks for a first time offense and increase it if it happens again, decreasing back down towards three if he hasn't broken that rule it in a while. (You might need to hold his cock out of the way depending on how it lays.) Make him count each slap out loud, an extra slap if he doesn't count quickly enough. With pets new to this you'll have to tell them what to do every step of the way, but they learn quickly, especially if you give them an extra spank for needing to be reminded. All you should need to say is, "go get ready for a ball spanking."

Again, be careful your sub isn't enjoying it more than he's disliking it. There are two types of subs interested in CBT (Cock and Ball Torture). The ones who get harder from it, or prefer they are hard during it, and those that will go soft from it, or don't mind being soft during CBT. I think most tops prefer boys from the first group, but there are a lot from the second. This makes this punishment a poor choice for some subs. (Although it could still work, try it if you're interested.) If you're lucky enough to have a sub from the first group, or you know he doesn't fantasize about this sort of thing, then it's a great punishment. With CBT you usually start light and work your way up. The endorphins slowly build up and your sub can take more and more pain. The trick is to administer the ball slaps before the endorphins kick in. Balls can take a lot of abuse, so you can be very rough with them without damaging them. In fact it takes less pressure to break a rib than to rupture a testicle. As I mentioned earlier, if your sub is erect, wait for him to get soft. Don't start slow. Do it fast, and do it hard. If he's getting an erection, hit him harder. I'll say it again, balls can take a lot. Don't be nice, be serious.

Another serious punishment I often use with my hubby is orgasm denial followed by a ruined orgasm, particularly in the case where he comes when he's not allowed. I feel it fits the crime. He doesn't enjoy going week(s) without being allowed to come, and he knows the resulting orgasm won't be as good as it could have been. So it works as a serious punishment. With different subs you'll need different amounts of time to get the same effect. With some, it just won't work, although you may find a ruined orgasm at the end does the trick. Also, since it's a punishment that occurs over a period of time, I have him tell me why he is not allowed to come each time there's a missed opportunity. During such denials I like to make my subs masturbate more, and will make excuses to play with him just so he has to tell me why he is being punished. I've found the repetition helps prevent repeat offenses.

Dealing with a sub on orgasm denial can be tricky as well. Some subs will ask or even beg for less time in orgasm denial. Ironically, I find these are often the ones who've fantasized about it but never experienced it. If your sub starts asking for a reduced sentence, add a day. They learn quickly, and trust me, it can get on your nerves. If a sub isn't asking for less time, but is still complaining, make a rule that any complaint related to punishment must include a thank you, or you'll add a day. I do these two things and it makes orgasm denial much easier to administer. If he comes during this punishment due to a fault of his own, then we start over and his cock isn't allowed any physical stimulation. And if it happened at his own hands, I also double the time. But this is a last resort as this kind of inactive denial can have a huge emotional effect. I can admit when I'm wrong though, and if he warned me he was close but I was having too much fun teasing him and I made him come, we just start the denial over.

I've had other pets in the past who would intentionally make trouble when I announced this was the punishment. I was surprised that men who love an orgasm so much would want to not have one so badly. But it's about the fantasy for them; when actually playing they almost always want that orgasm. When it comes down to it, many realize it's not what they really wanted, and they regret making trouble. What they really want is for you to take control of their orgasms as part of your control over them. (Which I suggest you do anyway.) The lesson here? Some subs fantasize about punishments that other subs hate. There's no fixed set of what works as a punishment. You just have to try things out and use what you know about your sub.

Getting started is easier than you'd think. Make some rules so your sub isn't surprised by your new approach, but feel free to punish him for other things that really upset or anger you. Make a list of things he's not to do, and when he does something wrong, punish him as soon as possible so he associates it with the punishment. If you prefer to wait, or have to because others are around, do your best to point it out to him at the time. And always remind him during punishment. Make him tell you that what he did was wrong, and that he won't do it again. You may want to start with a small set of rules so it's not overwhelming, but feel free to add things as you go. Even if it's just something that bothers you. For an example of the types of things you can fix, here are a couple of my pet peeves: the toilet left up, an empty toilet paper roll, clothes not in the laundry basket, towels on the floor, plates not in the sink, and trash not taken out when it's full.

A good serious punishment should be sexual in nature or at least have a sexual element, and there's a set protocol or guidelines as to how it's done. Most subs will melt when this approach is used, and it helps avoid arguing and resentment. Pick a punishment that's easy on you, and try it out a few times. If it's not working, try a different punishment. Also keep in mind that you'll get much better results if you're consistent with punishment. With the right approach, your sub will not only behave better, but he's going to be more horny. And that's always good.

Friday, April 22, 2011

Orgasm Control & Chastity

As I stated before, I'm a big fan of chastity devices. Given the opportunity to orgasm, a sufficiently horny man will always do so. Maybe I have trust issues, but the subs I've played with have proven this over and over again. I don't blame men for it, it's just how they're wired. If you don't use a chastity device, then your sub is coming when he's "not suppose to," I assure you this is true. However, as a top, you have some say in this matter. If you're worried about sounding like you don't trust your significant other, play it off as a sexy game. I mean, after all, it is a sexy game.

Most people are turned on by a partner who is insatiability horny, and denial makes this possible. Think of a time in your past when someone you were with was horny but unable to come, and thus kept horny over an extended period of time. Perhaps you were simply somewhere that made playing or finishing impossible. Maybe it was a punishment, or maybe it was due to something as unsexy as medication or an interruption requiring immediate attention. You may be surprised to find it leads directly to, or coincides with, a time when you yourself were very horny. You may have even finished yourself off, but still wanted more. There must be something in our biology (pheromones?) that makes us hornier when our partner is yearning for sexual release. This is a great reason and a great excuse to use a chastity device to limit your sub's orgasms.

Personally, something that bothers me is the thought of my sub giving himself sexual satisfaction. When I get serious with a sub I insist any satisfaction he gets come from me, or in some cases, from a machine at my direction. (There's something sexy about a pitiless, unforgiving device ruthlessly working away on a helpless individual. But that's another fetish altogether.) Sure sometimes I get really busy, but I'm never too busy for a 2 minute quickie should I decide that's what he needs. I don't even mind if he gets himself right to the very edge and I just finish him off with a few quick strokes or the tip of my finger, as long as it's me that pushes him over the top. I suppose this gives me importance, but it's really more than that. And it's not about fulfilling my "role" as the dominant sexual figure in the relationship. It's about being the focus of his sexual energy. It just feels right.

Now, nothing is foolproof, but a chastity device provides some peace of mind, and it takes the temptation away from your boy. Some subs may fantasize about wearing the device 24 hours a day, but there are many down sides to this. If worn 24/7 a chastity device can also cause a loss of elasticity in the tissue of the cock, and erections will start to get smaller and softer. Sleeping in a chastity device will also be very difficult and painful for someone new to it. Nightly erections are hardest to control and will wake anyone in a chastity device from the pain alone. (Edit: I found an article stating men are erect for 90 minutes each night.) Even if, given all this, you still want to keep your sub in chastity "24/7" I suggest you let him out for monitored masturbation to curb these side effects. Having a sub wear a chastity device 24/7 does nothing for me, and proves nothing to me. I use chastity devices to make sure a man isn't coming when I'm not around.

Chastity devices work by preventing the wearer from masturbating. Without being able to masturbate, your sub can't sneak in an orgasm and lie about it. However, I like my subs as horny as possible and preventing someone from masturbating is not conducive to this wonderful predicament. Men are also well known for masturbating even in sexually fulfilling relationships. The loss of impromptu masturbation scares some men away from the idea, and the lack of masturbation can even make some men depressed. It's almost cruel in this regard, but there's an easy solution. Just make your sub masturbate - orgasm not required - when you're around. If he seems a little depressed, or even just less horny, make him masturbate more.

I also want to emphasize that using a chastity device this way doesn't mean no sex. And again, orgasm denial doesn't mean no sex. Chastity devices can be removed for play. Just because you have sex, or play in other ways, doesn't mean your sub needs to have an orgasm. Orgasms don't just come out of nowhere and surprise you. If your sub is eager to please you, or knows there's punishment to be had, they won't come during sex if they aren't allowed. Even if they can't put their mind somewhere else, they can simply pause. If they aren't the ones in the position to pause, they can let you know when they are getting close. This goes for most types of play. Don't let orgasm denial prevent you from doing anything!

I insist my husband wear a chastity device, but I don't make him wear the device 24 hours a day. He's only required to wear it when we won't be around each other. Some people have fantasies of going months, or even years without coming, and I'd be happy to indulge such a fantasy - as long as the sex is still good for me. But my husband has no such fantasies. Upon agreeing to wear the chastity device, he gets a chance to come every other day. Specifically, there is no upper limit to the number of times per day I may allow him an orgasm, but since things can come up in our busy lives, I try for no less than every other day, with the occasional 2 day span. Unless he's being punished. And this is a big "unless." In these cases he does go longer, and it often ends in a ruined orgasm. As for regular use, people have asked, why only prevent him from coming one or two days? For me it's about control, and I'm in control. Throw a masturbation schedule in with the denial, and you have one madly horny sub.

I recommend a good sterile plastic chastity device, although there are good metal ones too. Generally a good chastity device will cost about $150. I just checked and you can get them for about $50 to $100 on Amazon. I've used the CB3000 the most. I found the CB2000 to be too bulky (edit: it is no longer made), but the CB6000 is a good alternative. It's suppose to be more comfortable, harder to get out of, and harder to see under clothing. For larger men there's The Curve. But everyone is different and I can't say what will work for your guy. Needless to say, there are a lot to choose from. If you want to see other options you can find more on Amazon for a reasonable price, and a more complete listing on Stockroom and ExtremeRestraints. (Edit: If you don't mind waiting 2-3 weeks and paying too much for shipping you can order one for $20 directly from a wholesaler.) Some devices come with just one key, some with two; make note of this when ordering. While not completely necessary, I suggest that if your lock comes with a single key, you pick up a new lock that has two keys. You can find them at any hardware store. Keep one on your key chain, so you won't leave it at home on accident. And hide the other somewhere in the house, so you can tell him where it is if there's an emergency or you lose your keys.

My husband has orgasms much more frequently than other subs I've "owned." I don't remember exactly how it came about anymore, but I felt he was hornier on this schedule. And although it works, if I had a new sub I'd put him on a weekly schedule. This is ideal since hormones peak on the 7th day before dropping down again (citation). If you can talk your guy into going 7 days at a time then do it! You'll have more fun with it the hornier your pet gets. There's no down side to this if you can get your sub to go along with it. If you frequently go for longer periods, you should milk the prostate every 10 days for health reasons. I guess this might make 10 days ideal then? I got this number from my doctor years ago. When I explained we sometimes played with a device that could stop even nocturnal emissions, he said he wouldn't recommend abstaining longer than 10 days on a regular basis. I'm not sure if he just pulled that number out of his ass, but I've held to it. When searching I do run across studies that found people who come more often have less prostate cancer. My solution to emptying the prostate is milking. But in a busy schedule like mine, I don't want to worry about that. In the rare case that I deny my husband longer than a week but less than a month, I'll skip the milking. I think it's really only an issue when someone goes multiple months, or frequently goes more than a week at a time.

Let me quickly go over how it all fits this into our day. When we wake up my sub masturbates for 20 minutes as I start to get ready for work. He leaves for work shortly after I do, but before I leave I make sure he's put on the chastity device. I use to help him with it, but it goes faster without me. I just give it a little tug to check it. If I'm in a hurry to leave he can even put the device on before showering. You can shower with most modern chastity devices on - something I suggest you look for. After work, when I'm fairly certain there's nowhere else I need to go for the day I will take off his chastity device. This tends to be before dinner, but sometimes it's after. There's really nothing to worry about at this point. If he has to go back out I'll usually make him put it back on. If he has to use the bathroom the door stays partly open, or closed but unlocked if someone is around. Sure he could try to sneak off to a quiet corner and rub one out but he isn't going to risk getting caught. He knows how upset I'd be and what the punishment is, so it just isn't worth the risk. He masturbates again once more before bed, or if we're going to play, before we start. I get the best of both worlds. A sub who's horny from masturbating, but who doesn't bring himself to orgasm. What is an ideal combination.

Friday, April 15, 2011

Horny Sub, Happy Sub

I love to say it, a horny sub is a happy sub. It's a broad generalization, but it's actually true for the most part. If you don't believe it, pay attention to when your sub is horniest, and compare it to how happy he is when he is least horny. The diffidence may be subtle between slightly different degrees of horniness, but I bet if you compared his happiness when most horny, to his happiness when least horny, you would notice quite the difference. And although misery loves company, being around someone who's happy will tend to lift your spirits. So it's in both our interests for my dear hubby to be as horny as possible. The best way to do this is frequent masturbation but infrequent orgasms. This post will focus on frequent masturbation, and the next post will focus on infrequent orgasms.

The best way ensure regular masturbation by your sub is to put him on a masturbation schedule. This is controlling and fun, so it's a win-win. I do want to stress this is only masturbation, not orgasm - I am a big fan of chastity devices, but I'll get into that next time. The key to a good schedule is starting the day with a masturbation session. If it's not the very first thing, then it's as soon as possible. Also, if you're going to allow your sub an orgasm, I recommend doing so only at night; ideally less than an hour before bed. Yes, often times a sub is happier after orgasm, but it doesn't last. I've noticed time and again that when I've let subs come in the morning, they are noticeably less happy and less attentive by evening. Other times I have noticed an immediate drop in mood (as described here). There are always reasons not to follow this pattern, but if you do, your sub will be horny during most of his waking hours. Happiness.

The masturbation schedule I have set up changes from time to time. Sometimes I add something new, remove something that isn't as fun anymore, or adjust it to fit relaxed or increased time limitations. Currently my hubby masturbates for 20 minutes when we wake up in the morning. If he gets close to orgasm he is to stop for a minute before resuming. That minute doesn't count toward the 20. Again, he is not allowed to come. I leave for work before him so I'm getting ready during this time, but I'm around enough to check on him. He is again required to masturbate for another 20 minutes in the evening. Like before, stopping for a minute if he gets too close. You can also schedule a masturbation sessions for your sub at lunch as well, but my pet wears a chastity device to work so this isn't an option for us. If he's had a bad day, is being moody, or I otherwise think he needs attitude adjustment, I will have him masturbate for an extra 20 minutes as soon as possible. I refer to a masturbation session as "exercise" when in public. So I can say things like, "When we get home, you better exercise."

You might be wondering, why 20 minutes? Or, why add something extra to it? One study suggested the most desirable amount of time between the beginning of intercourse and orgasm to be between 7 and 13 minutes. Another I can't source saying frustration starts to set in after 15 minutes of masturbation without orgasm. So 20 minutes seemed just enough to make any sub eager for orgasm. The added activities and restrictions, are chosen to make the sub more horny. If your sub doesn't seem to be experiencing this eagerness to orgasm, or isn't getting close during the time you have subscribed, rather than adding more time, I suggest you try adding additional tasks, or even a vibrator to the mix. Yes, men can use vibrators too, although oftentimes they need a stronger vibrator than you use. If you have any estim toys, getting those involved might help as well. Sometimes an extra push is only needed in the morning or at night.

A not so recent addition to my hubby's evening masturbation is that he has to lay on his back with his legs lifted up over and past his head. His cock points right at his face, and he is to reach for his mouth as he masturbates. My goal is for him to be able to suck his own cock, which you have to admit, is a bit sexy. Even if he never makes it, I like the position because it adds a little something extra for him if he "accidentally" comes. I've told him if he comes he is to stay in that position until he's emptied his whole load on his face, although I suspect this makes an accident more likely. I don't know if he will ever reach his cock, but it's spiced things up a little, and that's good.

You can give other tasks like these to accompany the masturbation. One common task is to have your sub stretch their balls by hanging weights from them, or to stretch their ass using increasingly larger dildos. I don't care for either of those personally, but if you like the idea then it's a reasonable addition. Another thing you can set to accompany masturbation is self-CBT. These are things like making him wear vampire gloves as he strokes himself. Or having him tie his balls up with one end of a string or rope, and then tying the other end of it to his hand; tying them close enough together that he can't get a full stroke without tugging tightly on his balls. However, I enjoy the reactions CBT elicits. So not only would I hate to miss out on them, but I worry the sub will build up a resistance to such sensations, which lessens his reactions when I want to play. Nonetheless, it might be a good addition to your sub's scheduled masturbation if he needs something extra to get him close, or if it makes him horny beyond reason.

Another fun idea is to have him repeat a "mantra" while masturbating. What I enjoy doing with these is having my sub say something degrading or embarrassing if others were to hear it. For example, "I am a slave to my cock. I will do anything for an orgasm." Or, "I want to be tied up and teased but not allowed to come." The other type of thing you could have him say is something you want him to remember. Such as, "I am jerking off, but will not come." Or, "My cock belongs to your name here, I will do anything she asks." Thinking about it now, I'll probably have to add a mantra back in again. At least in the mornings to work him up a little more. (He'll just have to say it loud enough for me to hear while I'm getting ready.)

You can also add restrictions. The most common I've seen suggested is to make a sub use only his non-dominant hand, as this makes it more difficult. Since the idea is for him to be as horny as possible, this doesn't help. Maybe if you're having him masturbate to completion then it makes sense, but why do that? Restricting vision is a fun one. By making a sub blindfold himself, he doesn't know if you, or someone else, might be watching. This means he can't masturbate differently when he knows you're not watching. Another restriction is no lubricant. I know I'm sadistic because I deeply enjoy the thought of someone wanting to be played with despite being sore and chaffed. However, my husband doesn't find anything about chaffing to be sexy, so I only use it as an added punishment when I can.

I'll touch more on punishments at a later time, but I should mention them briefly. It defeats the whole point of exercising if your sub comes. What I do, and what I recommend, is that when a sub has an accident during his scheduled masturbation, the punishment is to take away his orgasm privileges, and when he is finally allowed to come, it's a ruined orgasm. It's a simple and easy deterrent. This doesn't mean no playing for you, you can still play with him if you feel like it; he just doesn't get to come. I don't have a set amount of time for this punishment, I like to say it's on a case by case basis. If you haven't been restricting orgasms I suggest starting with a week. During this time my hubby is still required to masturbate according to schedule in the morning, but has to go twice as long in the evening. Some tops like to suspend masturbation as well, but I don't agree with that. Is it really much of a punishment to stop him from having orgasms if he isn't even thinking about them? Isn't it worse if he can think of nothing else? Orgasm denial with forced masturbation is a much better punishment. Of course if he comes during this punishment then it gets serious. I double the time, and to prevent further accidents his cock isn't allowed any physical stimulation. He can still do things such as go down on me, but it limits our play greatly. I try to make the best of it, but it is less fun.

How do you work around his masturbation schedule? You don't have to; just play when you want. I prefer to play right after an exercise session, or if I'm interested in playing, I'll often make the sub masturbate before we start. He squirms that much more, and is that much more vocal. Both of which I love. If you're interested in some penetration and you know he's going to have to pause too often to avoid coming, then sure, play before he exercises or let him cool down after. I will reiterate that while I've suggested you only let a sub come late in the day, you can play any time you want. Just don't let him come too early in the day. This may seem obvious, but it's lost on some. Maybe you think it's only fair to let a sub come after playing with him or teasing him, but you have to get past that idea. If you think like this you will feel pressured to make him come every time you play, and this will take the fun out of it. It will feel like an obligation. Add to that the fact that if it's early in the day, he'll likely be less fun to be around later, and there's no need for that. Again, there are exceptions to every rule, perhaps you are doing a series of orgasms for the day, whatever. Just don't think you owe him an orgasm right now because you had fun. I don't think I've met a sub who wouldn't think it's sexy to hear, "I want you to be as horny as possible, so I'm not going to let you come right now." In fact, telling your pet that you're doing this to keep him horny, will not only make it more fun for him, but make him more horny.

Friday, April 8, 2011

Following Through

I've played with enough subs to know these next two suggestions are golden, whether you're in a time restricted relationship or not. Every situation is different and everyone has their limits, but as far as general advice goes, this is some of my best. These will help keep your dominant role both strong and rewarding.

My first suggestion is, always follow through with what you say. This is harder than it sounds, but nothing shows your dominance like following through. Not to mention, one of the worst feelings is telling a sub you are going to do something to him, only to have have him laugh thinking it's a joke or shrug it off in disbelief. Following through not only prevents this, but ensures you are taken seriously. Any threats will be taken to heart. Your words will be much more intense and sexy.

Part of this is learning how to say things in ways that leave you options. Above all else, be careful with absolutes. They can put you in a difficult spot when you're short on time or otherwise don't want to follow through. If the rule or demand might be hard to follow, give an out, an alternative. One example being, "or you won't come for a week."

Another element is remembering what you said. If you have a tendency to forget things then make notes. You could send them to yourself in an email or save them on your phone or desktop. I also suggest you get your sub help. Threaten to punish him if you forget something and he doesn't remind you. You could test him occasionally by pretending to forget.

If you're short on time or the task is too difficult for you or your sub, play with the semantics and technicality of what you said. If you said, "If you come now I'm going to make you eat your own cum." And your sub comes, but you're in no position to follow through, say "OK, I warned you. Just wait until next time, I'm going to make you eat your own cum." It's hard for some men to eat their cum after orgasm; if you think you might have trouble with this, make him eat some pre-cum when you're playing and tell him this is his punishment. If you play with semantics and technicalities too often your sub may try the same thing "But technically..." To which I suggest you respond, "You know what I meant!"

My second suggestion, is to make your sub follow through with unfulfilled fantasies. Not only will you and your sub find this satisfying, but it's a bonding experience as well. Most men immediately lose interest in anything kinky the second they orgasm. This rules out any fantasies that outlast the orgasm itself. This commonly includes fantasies such as eating their own cum (straight, cream pie, etc.), and post orgasm torture. The other type of fantasies that don't get followed through with are ones which prevent full or frequent orgasms. This includes orgasm denial, chastity (devices), and ruined orgasm fantasies.

You should never feel bad about making someone go through with their fantasies, even if they don't want to follow through at the exact moment it's needed. Tell them what you are going to do or make them do while you're playing. Remind them throughout the session. If they know you are serious (see my first suggestion), this will make them much more hard and excited. And that right there is all the proof you need to follow through. They will immediately think about what happened next time they get horny. You will be tied to their fantasies. Next time they're masturbating and that fantasy pops up, it will be you they are thinking about.

Friday, April 1, 2011

About Me

Rather than try to fit an about me into 1200 letters I decided to make my first post About Me. I may try to condense this into my profile at some point, but I'd much rather find a way to link here.

First, the name. I chose "Lazy Domme" not because I don't enjoy topping, but because I have to fit my play into a busy life. I'm secure enough in my work ethic to use the term lazy. When I say lazy I mean "requiring little effort," not "unwilling to make an effort." And really, it just means I'm a top who enjoys quick and easy fun.

I work full time, but I'm salaried, so I easily work more than 40 hours a week. I also have a beautiful daughter, whom I love spending time with. And I have a wonderful and kinky husband. That being the case I am constantly coming up with ways to fit more kinky fun into my life without larger time investments, and I am constantly looking for new ideas.

I have quite a few kinks, so rather than attempt listing them all, I'll just say they are generally in the realm of female domination. I'm not a big fan of strap-ons, but I do enjoy discipline, orgasm control, and power exchange in general. I tend to be less visual and more about feelings and sounds. The whimpers a sub gives when squeezing his balls, or the moans he makes when edging can really get me going.

I'd hate to come across as bragging, or as a slut, but I've gotten a lot of BDSM related experience over the years. I've found that being a kinky and sexually dominant woman is truly a rare thing. As such I've had my choice of submissive men to play with, and have exercised that option heavily (and even chose one for a husband). I feel this experience has given me a better understanding of submissives and their fantasies, fetishes, and motivations. A deep understanding of things that they themselves might not understand, or want to admit.

Nonetheless, I still search for new kinky ideas I can fit into my busy life, but hardly come across anything good. As such, I have decided to start this blog to share my "methods" with other women who might also be pressed for time but who enjoy topping. I'll also try to offer insight into the submissive mind where applicable.

My experience with other "dominant" women is that, frequently, they are only acting dominant, and are driven not by the dominant acts themselves, but by the excitement given off by a submissive man in their life. This is perfectly fine, but I do think some of them are getting a raw deal chasing that goal. So I also hope to show women who don't specifically enjoy topping, how to have a bit more fun for themselves with quick and easy ideas.

If you're a dominant woman, or if you just play one in real life, feel free to email me with any questions, concerns, or suggestions for topics you might have.