With "classical conditioning," one stimulus of some significance is paired with one of little significance to form an innate, often reflexive, response to the "false" stimulus. Classical conditioning works on a subconscious level. If you experience A and B at the same time, and A causes C, then after enough paired repetitions, B will cause C. For example, if you jerk a man off while licking his nipples, and only lick his nipples when jerking him off, eventually you can give him an erection just by licking his nipples. The possibilities are endless. (And so you know this isn't pseudo science, here is a source talking about classical conditioning in which men are "trained" to get erections from black high heal shoes.)
The example above about licking nipples is a fun one to try, but it’s also fun to condition something less obvious arousal, something you can trigger in public or with others around. To do this you can associate a bracelet or worn item with arousal. Have him put on the item when he’s hard, and take it off when his erection starts to fade. Have him wear it when edging. Require he wear it for every orgasm, and remove it afterwards. The item itself will become associated with arousal, and by simply putting on that item, he can become aroused.
Another example of what you can do is to use an audio cue such as a bell or chime. Have your sub attach said noise-maker to his cock whenever you have sex. Each thrust creates a noise and the sound is paired with the good feelings. Once associated, you can have your sub wear the item in public. It doesn’t have to be around his cock, it can be around his wrist, neck, or whatever. Then as he walks he will constantly be thinking about sex, and be in a constant state of arousal. This will make your sub think of a particular thing, sex, rather than just the good feelings associated in the previous example. If you prefer to just instill arousal you can of course also have him wear the noise-maker while masturbating and each stroke will trigger both the noise and the good feelings.
My favorite thing to do is to condition a sub to want something he wouldn't normally want, something that pushes or tests his limits. With enough work you can get him to anticipate and even ask for such things. Pick something within your pet’s hard limits he wouldn’t want, something he would never ask for. Perhaps something you use as a punishment that you happen to enjoy. Maybe just something humiliating. When playing with your sub, and I mean physically stimulating him in some way, tell him what you are going to do to him. Don’t be skimpy on the details, elaborate as best you can. You want his mind focused on it. After you go through the of details of how, tell him what it’s going to feel like. You can repeat yourself if you run out of things to say about it. Keep him as hard as you can while you’re telling him all this. When your sub is all worked up and eager for orgasm, and fully anticipating his fate, make him ask for it. Don’t give in though, make him keep asking. After a little while, make him beg for it. Tell him to make it convincing. Have him tell you how much he wants it, and why. Only once you are really convinced do you follow through. This works surprisingly fast compared to the other examples because it uses a secondary trick. Just as people who are forced to smile tend to feel happy even if they weren’t happy before (source), a person begs for something, finds themselves really wanting it.
Conditioning can take a lot of repetition before it takes. And unfortunately in order for conditioning to hold you have to continue to reinforce it. If you condition your sub to get hard when you lick his nipples, you can have fun licking his nipples to get him excited, but if you don’t reinforce the association often enough, it will fade and licking his nipples will no longer arouse him. People vary by a lot in regards to conditioning, it doesn’t seem to be related to intelligence, so it’s not even worth guessing how often someone will need the conditioning. I tend to play it on the safe side and over do it, just to make sure my fun isn’t spoiled at an inopportune time. And really, how hard is it to give a little cock and ball massage after bring a man to attention by licking his nipples?
Even if you don’t want to condition your sub (come on, it’s fun!) it’s good to understand it. You could accidentally condition your sub to enjoy what are meant to be real punishments. Conditioning can be a fun toy, but it can also work against you. When you find a particular event, topic, or situation coming up often, think about what your resulting actions might be doing on a subconscious level.
Friday, July 15, 2011
Friday, July 8, 2011
Deserving of Orgasm?
I was at a local munch last week and I noticed a new girl who wasn't saying anything. Since conversing with one stranger is easier than a whole group of them, I went over to talk to her. She was fairly new to the lifestyle and a top in the relationship, so we had a lot to talk about. One thing that came up was that she wanted to control her submissive boyfriend's orgasms but was having a hard time deciding when he should or shouldn't come. She said she wanted to feel he deserved it but didn't like reflecting back on the day to think of something that made her unhappy. And then if something stood out, how does she weigh it against anything positive he might have done for her? My solution? A marble jar!
Get a wide mouth jar, a bag of black marbles
, and a bag of white marbles
. I prefer the contrast of black and white, so that's what I'll use in my description, but any two colors will work. Anytime your pet does something that pleases you, put a white marble in the jar. Anytime he does something you aren't happy with, put a black marble in. When it's time for him to come, out comes the jar. Shake it up a bit and have him pick one out at random, or randomly chose one yourself. If you're worried about him cheating you can have him hold the jar behind his back or over his head. If a white marble is chosen, he gets an orgasm, if a black marble is chosen he does not. Do not return the marble to the jar, but instead to the proper bag for its color.
This is a surprisingly fair method to determine if your pet deserves to come. It's all very simple and easy. To keep it fair and to make sure he's getting what he deserves, always do what the marble says! If he gets a black marble and you feel sorry for him, you can let him chose another marble again later the same day. (If he complains about a black marble, you can put it right back in for bitching.) If he gets a white marble despite bad behavior lately, then go with a ruined orgasm or some post orgasm torture. If you absolutely want him to come or not to come, then purposely pick out that marble. It's not cheating for you to chose one intentionally since you are still changing the contents of the jar by removing the marble, and if you want him to think it's random then just make sure he's blind folded or can't see you as you chose.
It may be hard to find reasons to add marbles at first. To add black marbles you could make a list of pet peeves as I suggested in a more serious post about punishment. This is a much more light‑hearted approach to behavior control. To keep this fair, warn your sub when there's something new that will earn him a black marble. The woman I mentioned earlier said her boyfriend's long showers bothered her. That's a great one, just let him know it'll earn him a black marble when he hits the 10 minute mark. Of course for things that aren't quite so "picky," feel free to drop in a black marble. Just mention what it's for so he associates the appropriate action with the black the marble. As for white marbles, you could one whenever your sub brings you to orgasm, or whenever he does something thoughtful. For example, whenever he makes you dinner or brings you a gift. I suggest his asking if he "earned a white marble" be a black marble offense. It's not necessarily, but keep the idea in mind though as some men can get annoying about such things.
There are several ways to deal with an empty jar. I prefer an empty jar resulting in no orgasm. If him giving you an orgasm adds a white marble to the jar, you simply get to come first when the jar is empty. That's how it should usually be anyway. You could always go with an empty jar meaning orgasm is allowed, but then has he really earned it? The other solution is to add some starter marbles to the jar as soon as it's empty. If you throw in just one white and one black marble, his actions have a bigger effect on his odds of having an orgasm, and it keeps things interesting. Will he be allowed orgasm or not? You can go with 5 of each if that sounds like more fun to you. Or adjust the initial white to black ratio depending on your own preference. If you find yourself running out of marbles too often then try assigning tasks and chores, which if completed satisfactorily and within the given time frame, earn a white marble, otherwise result in a black marble.
This is a fair but fun spirited way to decide if your sub gets an orgasm, and you don't have to feel guilty or second guess the decision. While you could use the jar approach just some of the time, it loses it's "fairness." If you decide your sub doesn't get to come without taking a black marble out, he may feel cheated. If you decide he gets to come without taking a white marble out, then you're getting cheated. If you're indecisive about letting your pet come, then try out this marble jar approach. It will really take the pressure off of you, and it's a great dynamic for the relationship.
Get a wide mouth jar, a bag of black marbles
, and a bag of white marbles. I prefer the contrast of black and white, so that's what I'll use in my description, but any two colors will work. Anytime your pet does something that pleases you, put a white marble in the jar. Anytime he does something you aren't happy with, put a black marble in. When it's time for him to come, out comes the jar. Shake it up a bit and have him pick one out at random, or randomly chose one yourself. If you're worried about him cheating you can have him hold the jar behind his back or over his head. If a white marble is chosen, he gets an orgasm, if a black marble is chosen he does not. Do not return the marble to the jar, but instead to the proper bag for its color.
This is a surprisingly fair method to determine if your pet deserves to come. It's all very simple and easy. To keep it fair and to make sure he's getting what he deserves, always do what the marble says! If he gets a black marble and you feel sorry for him, you can let him chose another marble again later the same day. (If he complains about a black marble, you can put it right back in for bitching.) If he gets a white marble despite bad behavior lately, then go with a ruined orgasm or some post orgasm torture. If you absolutely want him to come or not to come, then purposely pick out that marble. It's not cheating for you to chose one intentionally since you are still changing the contents of the jar by removing the marble, and if you want him to think it's random then just make sure he's blind folded or can't see you as you chose.
It may be hard to find reasons to add marbles at first. To add black marbles you could make a list of pet peeves as I suggested in a more serious post about punishment. This is a much more light‑hearted approach to behavior control. To keep this fair, warn your sub when there's something new that will earn him a black marble. The woman I mentioned earlier said her boyfriend's long showers bothered her. That's a great one, just let him know it'll earn him a black marble when he hits the 10 minute mark. Of course for things that aren't quite so "picky," feel free to drop in a black marble. Just mention what it's for so he associates the appropriate action with the black the marble. As for white marbles, you could one whenever your sub brings you to orgasm, or whenever he does something thoughtful. For example, whenever he makes you dinner or brings you a gift. I suggest his asking if he "earned a white marble" be a black marble offense. It's not necessarily, but keep the idea in mind though as some men can get annoying about such things.
There are several ways to deal with an empty jar. I prefer an empty jar resulting in no orgasm. If him giving you an orgasm adds a white marble to the jar, you simply get to come first when the jar is empty. That's how it should usually be anyway. You could always go with an empty jar meaning orgasm is allowed, but then has he really earned it? The other solution is to add some starter marbles to the jar as soon as it's empty. If you throw in just one white and one black marble, his actions have a bigger effect on his odds of having an orgasm, and it keeps things interesting. Will he be allowed orgasm or not? You can go with 5 of each if that sounds like more fun to you. Or adjust the initial white to black ratio depending on your own preference. If you find yourself running out of marbles too often then try assigning tasks and chores, which if completed satisfactorily and within the given time frame, earn a white marble, otherwise result in a black marble.
This is a fair but fun spirited way to decide if your sub gets an orgasm, and you don't have to feel guilty or second guess the decision. While you could use the jar approach just some of the time, it loses it's "fairness." If you decide your sub doesn't get to come without taking a black marble out, he may feel cheated. If you decide he gets to come without taking a white marble out, then you're getting cheated. If you're indecisive about letting your pet come, then try out this marble jar approach. It will really take the pressure off of you, and it's a great dynamic for the relationship.
Friday, July 1, 2011
Anilingus, A.K.A. Rimming
As kids, we're constantly told not to put dirty things in our mouths. So it's no surprise that of all forms of anal play, anilingus is most likely to cause repulsion in your partner. Anilingus (sometimes spelled analingus) is commonly known as "rimming," or as a "rim job," but "tossing the salad" is becoming a more common term as well. If this doesn't sound like your thing, please don't run away quite yet!
Have you ever gotten turned on from someone sucking or nibbling on your earlobe? Nipples? Or when someone kisses the back of your neck? Well this is the dominant equivalent. The anal opening is highly sensitive, and it's stimulation can produce erotic sensations and sexual excitement. It feels good. Having an orgasm while receiving a rim job is a wonderful experience. I don't even want to admit how much I enjoy it. If you've never experienced this, put it on your to-do list. It can also be very humiliating and degrading for your sub. There is hardly a more submissive act than licking someone else's asshole. Some even consider it the ultimate act of submission. I've found that while a lot of subs won't bring it up, when asked, a majority of them are interested. If it isn't a hard limit for your sub - and this is different than scat, poop does not come into play here - then make a goal to try it out. It's truly a bonding experience for a domme and her sub.
When rimming, your sub should use both his lips and tongue. Have your sub work up and down your ass crack, teasing your asshole. As he focuses in he can work circles around your pucker, and go back and forth over it. Then have him "kiss" you right on your starfish; softly at first, but working up to a passionate kiss. Poking in gently with his tongue and making circles - this is probably where the name rimming comes from. I also suggest you have him work his tongue in and out more deeply to see if you enjoy that sensation. I prefer the tongue going in a little and working the rim of my asshole. Have your sub play around to find what you like best. I suggest you try masturbating at the same time. Not only because it can help you relax and enjoy the experience, but because the two really do go well together.
People think there is a high risk of disease with rimming, but the risks are much lower for monogamous couples. The biggest danger is Hepatitis A, which can be transmitted from oral-anal contact. But you can't transmit a disease you don't have! This simply makes the raw act only for those in monogamous relationships. On that note, it's always a good idea to get your play partner(s) and yourself tested once (or before!) things start to get serious. If you are unsure of your partner or simply want to minimize all risks of infection, you can use a dental dam, but it's really not the same experience. A much better solution is to use a piece of plastic wrap. (Yes, it's safe.) You can "glue" it into place using a bit of lube. You can even tuck it into your asshole with a finger - or tongue - to hold it in place. The sensations is almost identical this way and it preserves the visuals which add to the dominating and humiliating effects of the act.
If you aren't using a dental dam or plastic wrap, but want to be extra clean, you can give yourself an enema beforehand, but this really feels like overkill for cleaning such a small area. I do however suggest you shower and clean the area with soap before you play. If you're worried about what your sub might taste or want to be a little cleaner, I've discovered a useful trick. Lube up a thin dildo, anything you're comfortable with, and work it in and out of your ass a couple times. Wipe it off, and start again with more lube. If you are getting particulate then repeat until it comes out clean. Voilà, no taste left but that of the lube! You can even have your sub do it for you. If you go the enema route because you're worried about your sub's experience, I still suggest following up with a lubed dildo; it really does work.
One thing you should avoid is your sub going from ass to pussy. I feel like everyone should know this, but just in case some don't, the vagina has an entirely different culture than your ass and you should be careful not to bring anything over from your ass. If your pet is going to move on to cunnilingus, have him rinse his mouth with mouthwash first, and always clean any toys and etc. before going from ass to vagina. It's easy to get lost in the heat of the moment and break this rule. Hell, I've done it myself! But at least know the risks ahead of time and watch closely for any signs of infection afterwards. There's a greatly increased risk of getting a UTI and you can get a nasty yeast infection from it as well.
I know this sounds like a lot of warnings, but with a little bit of caution it's really quite safe. It's also highly enjoyable and a great bonding experience for you and your sub. If you're still unsure, don't overthink it; just do it. You only experience the pleasurable side of it, and many subs find it to be a deeply satisfying and submissive experience. If your pet is unsure about it, tell him it isn't for his pleasure but yours. This reinforces your dominance and will help put him in a submissive mood. If he really doesn't like it, he can always use his safe word. If your sub is hesitant, or you're just looking for a more enthusiastic participant, make sure he's really horny first. Make him do it before he can come after a session of teasing and denial, or at the end of a period of denied orgasms. Subs are always most perverted when they're at their horniest.
Have you ever gotten turned on from someone sucking or nibbling on your earlobe? Nipples? Or when someone kisses the back of your neck? Well this is the dominant equivalent. The anal opening is highly sensitive, and it's stimulation can produce erotic sensations and sexual excitement. It feels good. Having an orgasm while receiving a rim job is a wonderful experience. I don't even want to admit how much I enjoy it. If you've never experienced this, put it on your to-do list. It can also be very humiliating and degrading for your sub. There is hardly a more submissive act than licking someone else's asshole. Some even consider it the ultimate act of submission. I've found that while a lot of subs won't bring it up, when asked, a majority of them are interested. If it isn't a hard limit for your sub - and this is different than scat, poop does not come into play here - then make a goal to try it out. It's truly a bonding experience for a domme and her sub.
When rimming, your sub should use both his lips and tongue. Have your sub work up and down your ass crack, teasing your asshole. As he focuses in he can work circles around your pucker, and go back and forth over it. Then have him "kiss" you right on your starfish; softly at first, but working up to a passionate kiss. Poking in gently with his tongue and making circles - this is probably where the name rimming comes from. I also suggest you have him work his tongue in and out more deeply to see if you enjoy that sensation. I prefer the tongue going in a little and working the rim of my asshole. Have your sub play around to find what you like best. I suggest you try masturbating at the same time. Not only because it can help you relax and enjoy the experience, but because the two really do go well together.
People think there is a high risk of disease with rimming, but the risks are much lower for monogamous couples. The biggest danger is Hepatitis A, which can be transmitted from oral-anal contact. But you can't transmit a disease you don't have! This simply makes the raw act only for those in monogamous relationships. On that note, it's always a good idea to get your play partner(s) and yourself tested once (or before!) things start to get serious. If you are unsure of your partner or simply want to minimize all risks of infection, you can use a dental dam, but it's really not the same experience. A much better solution is to use a piece of plastic wrap. (Yes, it's safe.) You can "glue" it into place using a bit of lube. You can even tuck it into your asshole with a finger - or tongue - to hold it in place. The sensations is almost identical this way and it preserves the visuals which add to the dominating and humiliating effects of the act.
If you aren't using a dental dam or plastic wrap, but want to be extra clean, you can give yourself an enema beforehand, but this really feels like overkill for cleaning such a small area. I do however suggest you shower and clean the area with soap before you play. If you're worried about what your sub might taste or want to be a little cleaner, I've discovered a useful trick. Lube up a thin dildo, anything you're comfortable with, and work it in and out of your ass a couple times. Wipe it off, and start again with more lube. If you are getting particulate then repeat until it comes out clean. Voilà, no taste left but that of the lube! You can even have your sub do it for you. If you go the enema route because you're worried about your sub's experience, I still suggest following up with a lubed dildo; it really does work.
One thing you should avoid is your sub going from ass to pussy. I feel like everyone should know this, but just in case some don't, the vagina has an entirely different culture than your ass and you should be careful not to bring anything over from your ass. If your pet is going to move on to cunnilingus, have him rinse his mouth with mouthwash first, and always clean any toys and etc. before going from ass to vagina. It's easy to get lost in the heat of the moment and break this rule. Hell, I've done it myself! But at least know the risks ahead of time and watch closely for any signs of infection afterwards. There's a greatly increased risk of getting a UTI and you can get a nasty yeast infection from it as well.
I know this sounds like a lot of warnings, but with a little bit of caution it's really quite safe. It's also highly enjoyable and a great bonding experience for you and your sub. If you're still unsure, don't overthink it; just do it. You only experience the pleasurable side of it, and many subs find it to be a deeply satisfying and submissive experience. If your pet is unsure about it, tell him it isn't for his pleasure but yours. This reinforces your dominance and will help put him in a submissive mood. If he really doesn't like it, he can always use his safe word. If your sub is hesitant, or you're just looking for a more enthusiastic participant, make sure he's really horny first. Make him do it before he can come after a session of teasing and denial, or at the end of a period of denied orgasms. Subs are always most perverted when they're at their horniest.
Friday, June 24, 2011
Choose Your Destiny
What I have for you today is a fun game to play with your sub. I call it "Choose Your Destiny." It's very simple. Make a list of questions that have either multiple choice or yes/no answer. Make your sub answer the list of questions, but without knowing what the question is he's answering.
Here are some sample yes/no questions:
The problem with yes/no questions is that answering "yes" is usually the more desirable answer for the sub. Try to word things backwards, as I did with the orgasm in the list. Multiple choice questions really solve this problem better, as you can mix up the answers randomly. Here are some multiple choice questions.
Here are some sample yes/no questions:
- Do you want to be gagged?
- Do you want a butt plug in?
- Will you be denied orgasm?
- Will you be spanked?
- Are you going to go down on me?
The problem with yes/no questions is that answering "yes" is usually the more desirable answer for the sub. Try to word things backwards, as I did with the orgasm in the list. Multiple choice questions really solve this problem better, as you can mix up the answers randomly. Here are some multiple choice questions.
Which do you prefer?
- To be gagged
- To be blind folded
- All of the above
- None of the above
What punishment do you deserve?
- None
- A spanking
- No orgasm today
- Nipple clamps
What will you lick?You can put any question you can think of on your list. The possibilities are endless. If you have trouble thinking of questions yourself you can make your sub write out questions for you. Maybe just one a day, and pick from your list of questions at random.
- Your feet
- Your clit
- Your nipples
- Your ass
Friday, June 17, 2011
Erotic Blackmail
Erotic blackmail is a complex topic. Someone could probably write an entire book on the subject. As such, this is going to be a long post. It's an entirely different dynamic, and an entirely different approach to power exchange. Now I’m not talking about movie-style blackmail where you have proof someone broke the law or committed a crime of passion, and you’re demanding money. I'm talking about sexy-fun blackmail, where you have some naughty pictures or videos of your sub and you make him do other naughty things or you will "share" them. I write my posts with male subs in mind, but this should work with females as well.
Most subs fantasize about not just submitting, but having no choice in the matter. This is why bondage is so popular. While bound, subs have no choice in what happens to them. Long-term orgasm control can also be used to give you a measure of control. But ultimately they still have a choice, "Obey or lose an orgasm." Your pet will have to turn down an orgasm to disobey, which might sound unlikely, but I've seen a number of subs refuse when ordered to eat their own cum. You can even combine the above with domestic discipline to take away even more control from a sub, but they all leave room for disobedience. You can, however, go a step further, and that is blackmail.
Blackmail gives the blackmailer near total control. Once a sub knows you are serious, the pressure to obey is overwhelming. When he is in your presence you have complete and total control over him. This obsoletes the need for any kind of bondage. If you tell him to lay there and take it, he has no choice. Of course even blackmail has a few limits. You can't make the sub do something physically impossible or outside of their skill set, and you don't know what he's doing when you're not around. So employing orgasm control and having the sub wear a chastity device is still a good idea. This is, nonetheless, the most power you can possibly have over your sub. And I must admit, it can be quite the rush.
While some subs will get hard at just the thought of blackmail, others will freak out. More often, it's a mix of both, but don't just drop this on your sub out of the blue; make sure they into it first. You don't want to actually break any laws. I also recommend that you keep money and gifts worth any significant amount of money, out of the blackmail entirely. I even suggest telling your sub you won't be asking for these things when you first begin. Anyone who accidentally finds out you're blackmailing your boy toy into some sexual act is going to know you're only playing, whereas if they find out you're blackmailing him for money, they may take things more seriously and alert authorities. It's best to leave money and money related things out of it to avoid that whole shit storm.
With this fetish, the real trick is to convince your sub that you would actually expose him. Do you really have to be willing to expose him? Well, yes and no. You have to be willing to expose enough of him that he thinks you could go all the way. Never tell him you aren't sure if you could go through with it or not, always say that you could. If you want to sound more reasonable you can admit that it would take the fun out of it if you had to expose him, but emphasize that you would do it, "or else you could never take yourself serious again." If, in the past, you've said you couldn't do such a thing or might not be able to, you could "admit" that your hesitation in the past wasn't about exposing him, but exposing yourself as the blackmailer and now you've realized this need not be the case. There are also some tricks you can use to convince him you are serious.
I suggest starting with images. Find (or get) a picture of your sub doing something embarrassing. Make sure you're not in the picture, you want it to be a picture that doesn't implicate you as the photographer, and isn't directly embarrassing to you. Also try for pictures without any easily identifiable "landmarks" for someone to spot. You get bonus points if he took the picture himself, as this is doubly incriminating. Secondly, you need to sanitize the picture. Cameras today put all kinds of information into a picture. Some even embed your GPS coordinates. This information is collectively called EXIF data. There are plenty of apps that will remove this information for you. It can also be done on a desktop computer by open your picture with an image editor (MS Paint / Paintbrush will do), save it as a BMP, close the program entirely, reopen the program, reopen the BMP file, and save it back as a JPG. Now you have a sanitized picture. Next you need to find a site that lets you both host and delete images of adult content. Google Photos seems to work well for this. Always upload any pictures you plan on using. Having your pictures backed up adds an extra sense of seriousness, and deleting them off the computer or phone will do no good.
You can now show your sub these images online, and explain to him they are on the internet and there's nothing he can do about it. You can also explain to him that no one can find the pictures, so he is safe for now. This will let your sub know you've got him. This is often sufficient for a fun weekend, if that's all you're interested in. If you plan on going longer, your sub will inevitably push you or test you to see if you're serious. If nothing else he will accuse you of not being able to follow through as a way of asking you to convince him you would.
The easiest way to show you are really serious is to make a new blog. First, find an anagram of their full name. It doesn't actually have to be real words, you can just jumble up the letters however you want. Then search Google for that anagram with quotes around and make sure it returns no results. So for example, with the name John Smith, I will jumble the letters up as "Jmht Soinh". There are 0 Google results for this search at the time I'm writing this, so it's a good name. Make it the name of your blog, and in it write something like, "Hi. My name is Jmht Soinh. I live in YOUR TOWN HERE, and I want to show you something." And link to a picture you uploaded. If you're using Google photos you can click share and then "get link" to get a link to post on your blog. After a couple days your blog will be indexed by Google (you can speed it up by a day by submitting it manually), and the anagram you came up with before will now have exactly one result. This what you show your sub; you tell them to search for that anagram, or do it for them, and when they see it, you can tell them all you have to do is edit that blog post to have their real name. If he disobeys again you can edit the blog post and put his real name in it. Leave it that way for an hour, or day, or until he obeys, and then change it back.
Another thing you can do in addition to, or instead of the above, is to send a "hint" picture via email. The first thing to do is pick someone. I don't recommend anyone in his immediate family, as he might not think you could go through with it. There's also a chance that a brother or sister might already know about his kinks and just plain old not care. I recommend a cousin, friend, or even a coworker. The tricky part is to get the right email address. You can sometimes get it from a relative of his you've spoken with, but I just find it easier to either use the blackmail itself to get his email account password or use it to make him unlock his phone and then text yourself someone's email address. Next, you need to prepare this "hint" image. You're going to need to resize an image for this to work, but it's worth the time. Start by opening one of your sanitized photos in an image editor. Resize the image down to 8x8 or 10x10, something really tiny. If image editor wants to make it 8x7 or 10x12, then let it do so. Now that you have a tiny picture, resize it back up to the original size. If you don't remember the original size, use 800 by something. Some programs will make the image blocky, others will make it blurry. It doesn't matter, just make sure the picture is indistinguishable. Save it as something that won't identify either of you, something like 0001.jpg. Make a new email account, either on Google, Yahoo, or whatever. Send the blurry picture to the email address you have. Always show him the original picture after you show him the blurry or blocky picture. The human brain looks for patterns and he will see himself in the blurry or blocky picture even if others would not be able to. You can even make your sub watch as you send it. If he tries to stop you, remind him you have the pictures backed up online and can just send the full resolution image when he isn't around. If he ever disobeys or still wants to test you, you can repeat this process but use a slightly bigger intermediate size. Instead of resizing down to 8x8, you can use 16x16. It will show a lot more, and be even more obvious to him. If he still needs convincing, you can even send the shared link to the full picture! Make him watch as you do it. When he realizes you've done it and starts to freak out, you can go to the online site and delete the picture from there. Save it to disk, delete it from the image hosting site, and reupload it. This way the link you sent via email is no longer valid. He should be convinced, and there's even a chance the picture was actually seen.
What do you do now that you've got your pet blackmailed and convinced of it? Well the first order of business is to get better photos. Make him take them himself as you watch. As I said earlier, these kinds of pictures are way better for blackmail. It's more humiliating to have self pic of him coming on his own face than one someone else took. It's more embarrassing he's the one who took the picture of him sticking something in his ass. Try to think of something just slightly more humiliating and embarrassing than the current pictures you have. This will slowly build a blackhole of perversion. He will constantly be creating his new more damning blackmail that will itself allow him to be blackmailed into creating even worse content. Of course this can't go on forever, but you can drag it out for quite a while. Just get another pic every so often. You can even have him think up something you don't have a picture of! Tell him to think of something or you'll start sending. Then when you're all out of ideas, switch to video!
What else? Have fun! If you couldn't convince him to wear a chastity device before, do so now. If he's the type that normally refuses to eat his own cum, this is a great way to get him to do so. Do you want more oral sex, foot massages, back massages, etc.? Now you can demand it at threat of exposure and have the demand itself turn him on. Tired of bondage? There's no need for it anymore, just tell him to stay still. A variation on this is to play dolly with him. Have him stay perfectly still except for how you move him. So if you put his arm up, it stays up. If you pull his ass into the air, he holds it there. Along with opening up some new things that can only be done with a 100% obedient pet, most forms of kinky play and related games translate to the roughly the same thing under blackmail but have new weight.
Most subs fantasize about not just submitting, but having no choice in the matter. This is why bondage is so popular. While bound, subs have no choice in what happens to them. Long-term orgasm control can also be used to give you a measure of control. But ultimately they still have a choice, "Obey or lose an orgasm." Your pet will have to turn down an orgasm to disobey, which might sound unlikely, but I've seen a number of subs refuse when ordered to eat their own cum. You can even combine the above with domestic discipline to take away even more control from a sub, but they all leave room for disobedience. You can, however, go a step further, and that is blackmail.
Blackmail gives the blackmailer near total control. Once a sub knows you are serious, the pressure to obey is overwhelming. When he is in your presence you have complete and total control over him. This obsoletes the need for any kind of bondage. If you tell him to lay there and take it, he has no choice. Of course even blackmail has a few limits. You can't make the sub do something physically impossible or outside of their skill set, and you don't know what he's doing when you're not around. So employing orgasm control and having the sub wear a chastity device is still a good idea. This is, nonetheless, the most power you can possibly have over your sub. And I must admit, it can be quite the rush.
While some subs will get hard at just the thought of blackmail, others will freak out. More often, it's a mix of both, but don't just drop this on your sub out of the blue; make sure they into it first. You don't want to actually break any laws. I also recommend that you keep money and gifts worth any significant amount of money, out of the blackmail entirely. I even suggest telling your sub you won't be asking for these things when you first begin. Anyone who accidentally finds out you're blackmailing your boy toy into some sexual act is going to know you're only playing, whereas if they find out you're blackmailing him for money, they may take things more seriously and alert authorities. It's best to leave money and money related things out of it to avoid that whole shit storm.
With this fetish, the real trick is to convince your sub that you would actually expose him. Do you really have to be willing to expose him? Well, yes and no. You have to be willing to expose enough of him that he thinks you could go all the way. Never tell him you aren't sure if you could go through with it or not, always say that you could. If you want to sound more reasonable you can admit that it would take the fun out of it if you had to expose him, but emphasize that you would do it, "or else you could never take yourself serious again." If, in the past, you've said you couldn't do such a thing or might not be able to, you could "admit" that your hesitation in the past wasn't about exposing him, but exposing yourself as the blackmailer and now you've realized this need not be the case. There are also some tricks you can use to convince him you are serious.
I suggest starting with images. Find (or get) a picture of your sub doing something embarrassing. Make sure you're not in the picture, you want it to be a picture that doesn't implicate you as the photographer, and isn't directly embarrassing to you. Also try for pictures without any easily identifiable "landmarks" for someone to spot. You get bonus points if he took the picture himself, as this is doubly incriminating. Secondly, you need to sanitize the picture. Cameras today put all kinds of information into a picture. Some even embed your GPS coordinates. This information is collectively called EXIF data. There are plenty of apps that will remove this information for you. It can also be done on a desktop computer by open your picture with an image editor (MS Paint / Paintbrush will do), save it as a BMP, close the program entirely, reopen the program, reopen the BMP file, and save it back as a JPG. Now you have a sanitized picture. Next you need to find a site that lets you both host and delete images of adult content. Google Photos seems to work well for this. Always upload any pictures you plan on using. Having your pictures backed up adds an extra sense of seriousness, and deleting them off the computer or phone will do no good.
You can now show your sub these images online, and explain to him they are on the internet and there's nothing he can do about it. You can also explain to him that no one can find the pictures, so he is safe for now. This will let your sub know you've got him. This is often sufficient for a fun weekend, if that's all you're interested in. If you plan on going longer, your sub will inevitably push you or test you to see if you're serious. If nothing else he will accuse you of not being able to follow through as a way of asking you to convince him you would.
The easiest way to show you are really serious is to make a new blog. First, find an anagram of their full name. It doesn't actually have to be real words, you can just jumble up the letters however you want. Then search Google for that anagram with quotes around and make sure it returns no results. So for example, with the name John Smith, I will jumble the letters up as "Jmht Soinh". There are 0 Google results for this search at the time I'm writing this, so it's a good name. Make it the name of your blog, and in it write something like, "Hi. My name is Jmht Soinh. I live in YOUR TOWN HERE, and I want to show you something." And link to a picture you uploaded. If you're using Google photos you can click share and then "get link" to get a link to post on your blog. After a couple days your blog will be indexed by Google (you can speed it up by a day by submitting it manually), and the anagram you came up with before will now have exactly one result. This what you show your sub; you tell them to search for that anagram, or do it for them, and when they see it, you can tell them all you have to do is edit that blog post to have their real name. If he disobeys again you can edit the blog post and put his real name in it. Leave it that way for an hour, or day, or until he obeys, and then change it back.
Another thing you can do in addition to, or instead of the above, is to send a "hint" picture via email. The first thing to do is pick someone. I don't recommend anyone in his immediate family, as he might not think you could go through with it. There's also a chance that a brother or sister might already know about his kinks and just plain old not care. I recommend a cousin, friend, or even a coworker. The tricky part is to get the right email address. You can sometimes get it from a relative of his you've spoken with, but I just find it easier to either use the blackmail itself to get his email account password or use it to make him unlock his phone and then text yourself someone's email address. Next, you need to prepare this "hint" image. You're going to need to resize an image for this to work, but it's worth the time. Start by opening one of your sanitized photos in an image editor. Resize the image down to 8x8 or 10x10, something really tiny. If image editor wants to make it 8x7 or 10x12, then let it do so. Now that you have a tiny picture, resize it back up to the original size. If you don't remember the original size, use 800 by something. Some programs will make the image blocky, others will make it blurry. It doesn't matter, just make sure the picture is indistinguishable. Save it as something that won't identify either of you, something like 0001.jpg. Make a new email account, either on Google, Yahoo, or whatever. Send the blurry picture to the email address you have. Always show him the original picture after you show him the blurry or blocky picture. The human brain looks for patterns and he will see himself in the blurry or blocky picture even if others would not be able to. You can even make your sub watch as you send it. If he tries to stop you, remind him you have the pictures backed up online and can just send the full resolution image when he isn't around. If he ever disobeys or still wants to test you, you can repeat this process but use a slightly bigger intermediate size. Instead of resizing down to 8x8, you can use 16x16. It will show a lot more, and be even more obvious to him. If he still needs convincing, you can even send the shared link to the full picture! Make him watch as you do it. When he realizes you've done it and starts to freak out, you can go to the online site and delete the picture from there. Save it to disk, delete it from the image hosting site, and reupload it. This way the link you sent via email is no longer valid. He should be convinced, and there's even a chance the picture was actually seen.
What do you do now that you've got your pet blackmailed and convinced of it? Well the first order of business is to get better photos. Make him take them himself as you watch. As I said earlier, these kinds of pictures are way better for blackmail. It's more humiliating to have self pic of him coming on his own face than one someone else took. It's more embarrassing he's the one who took the picture of him sticking something in his ass. Try to think of something just slightly more humiliating and embarrassing than the current pictures you have. This will slowly build a blackhole of perversion. He will constantly be creating his new more damning blackmail that will itself allow him to be blackmailed into creating even worse content. Of course this can't go on forever, but you can drag it out for quite a while. Just get another pic every so often. You can even have him think up something you don't have a picture of! Tell him to think of something or you'll start sending. Then when you're all out of ideas, switch to video!
What else? Have fun! If you couldn't convince him to wear a chastity device before, do so now. If he's the type that normally refuses to eat his own cum, this is a great way to get him to do so. Do you want more oral sex, foot massages, back massages, etc.? Now you can demand it at threat of exposure and have the demand itself turn him on. Tired of bondage? There's no need for it anymore, just tell him to stay still. A variation on this is to play dolly with him. Have him stay perfectly still except for how you move him. So if you put his arm up, it stays up. If you pull his ass into the air, he holds it there. Along with opening up some new things that can only be done with a 100% obedient pet, most forms of kinky play and related games translate to the roughly the same thing under blackmail but have new weight.
Friday, June 10, 2011
Friday, June 3, 2011
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