Friday, December 9, 2011

Failure and Lies

Sometimes a sub fails to follow through on his word. Due to the variety of possible causes and reasons, there's no one correct solution. Your first reaction may simply be to give up. He's obviously only in this for himself, right? Well maybe, but probably not. Don't give up so quickly. Sometimes a sub wants you assert more control over him, and he "acts up" in the same way that a child looking for attention might cause trouble. Other times, it may just be something the sub has trouble with. A weakness if you will. Both of these general problems can be corrected without more work for you, which is equally important. It's true that some subs will intentionally make things difficult for you, but for this post let's give them the benefit of the doubt and assume they lack the willpower to follow through, or are looking for you to exert more control over them.

Where I see this most is when you simply ask a sub not to come, but he does anyway when you're not around. If you've got him fairly well worked up, it's going to be hard for him to resist. I know men can control the urge, but hundreds of thousands of years of evolution have wired them to grab at every orgasm they can. It's hard to tell if he came, but if he admits to it, then this is most certainly a cry for help. It's best not to get too upset or angry over it; it's not that he cares about your happiness less than his, it's more likely you managed to wind him up past his breaking point. The correct reaction here is to be more strict with your means of orgasm control. In one of my earlier posts I talked about orgasm control and chastity devices. It doesn't have to be expensive; I link to one chastity device that costs $20! It doesn't have to be more work for you; you can have him put it on himself. And lastly, it doesn't have to be a 24/7 thing; you only need to require he wears it when you won't be around. Things don't have to be any different when you two are together.

The other thing you'll see in the realm of kink related tasks is the refusal of a sub to swallow his own cum. The leading cause of trouble here is the dramatic drop in arousal men experience after coming; things that were exciting before they came are now no longer exciting. Another possible cause for trouble is that some subs want to be forced into eating their own cum. This is similar to how subs enjoy being bound during CBT or other forms of play that they obviously enjoy. They want to feel they have no choice in the matter. I go over the standard approach and some alternatives in an earlier post. If you've had trouble with a straight up command, then I suggest taking another approach. If you're feeding off your pet's excitement then the other approaches will work much better for you. If you would enjoy seeing your sub lick up his own cum on command, then by all means stick to that approach. Make sure your pet knows he's doing it for you. By letting your sub know it means something to you, he's more likely to swallow his load out of loyalty or guilt. Which, yes, sounds sad, but he'll love that he did it later. The next time he's horny, he's going to think about what you made him do. The most common way to impress this on your sub is to tell him that watching him eat his own cum turns you on. You could even start to masturbate to reinforce this idea. Of course, if it isn't true, or would be too obvious of a lie ;), then just be honest with him about what it would mean to you and don't give up. Some things just take time.

The other area where you'll find subs break their word is when they fail to do a chore or other nonsexual task given to them. Some female led relationships simply allow for you to assign tasks, but most of the time this is something they've agreed to in the heat of the moment, and fail to follow through with after the fact. For example, after a long tease and denial session your sub agrees to wash your car in return for allowing him an orgasm. One solution is to avoid mixing nonsexual tasks with sexual play. But where's the fun in that? I think we can agree it's more fun when things are all mixed together. The best way to handle this set to a deadline for the task(s). Let your pet know if it goes past the deadline you will not play with him again until he's finished. This is the best reproach for most tops, as we can usually outlast our subs in this battle of wills. If you don't want to make this threat or think you might not be able to follow through with it, then, when playing with a pet who has an unfinished task, focus solely on what you like, and don't let him orgasm. I also recommend picking a serious punishment and punishing him every day he has an overdue task to complete. If the task is something you can't easily verify, or if you otherwise suspect your sub may be cheating in some way, put the burden of proof on him. Have him prove to you that he has done the task properly. The easiest way to do this is to having him record the entire process. Most laptops have webcams, so recording the entire process is a perfect means of proof. You don't have to actually watch the video to make sure he did as you wanted. You can just skip around in it for a minute, and if you do suspect something is up, it's there for you to comb through. If he is skirting the task, I suggest not only making him do it again before it counts, but punishing him as well. I think you'll find your pet learns quickly with this approach.

I don't deny that some subs are simply scumbags, only interested in their own pleasure and happiness. However, I think you'll find most trouble of this kind comes from subs who want you to take more control. Oftentimes they are embarrassed to admit it, or admitting it would ruin the fantasy. Keep in mind that most subs enjoy feeling force into things. If you otherwise like your pet, don't just give him up for lost. Taking more control away from him can actually be quiet easy. Not only will you be happier that your pet is following through, but your pet will be happier because of it too.

Friday, November 4, 2011

Super Glue!

Super glue is often overlooked as a tool for kinky fun, probably because of all the horror stories involving super glue. A prank from April Fools' Day comes to mind, someone got glued to a toilet. Another one that stuck with me was when four women glued a man's cock to his stomach. Both of those guys end up in the emergency room for treatment, but only due to the lack of proper knowledge and tools. I would have been able to unglue both of them right then and there.

Super glue is one of those things that's fun to play with on a rare occasion, but first I want to go over some precautions and warnings. If you just want to skip ahead to the fun stuff, then go ahead. To minimize skin irritation you want just plain super glue. Not something with an additive, like Gorilla Super Glue (which adds rubber). Elmer's Super Glue, The Original Super Glue, and Krazy Glue are all fine. Never put super glue in any bodily openings. Do not put it on eyes/eyelids, ears, nose, mouth/lips, anus, the urethra (AKA piss hole), or even the head of the penis itself. Likewise, never play with yourself after handling super glue until your hands are clean. And always work with super glue in a well-ventilated area.

People often think super glue is near permanent, but isn't not as super as some think. There are actually many ways to break down super glue. My remover of preference is acetone, which is actually found in most nail polish removers (and is likely in one you already have), but I prefer to use 100% pure acetone. Soak a cotton ball or q-tip in acetone and work it into the area that's stuck. It's not magic so it will take some time. Rock the area back and forth and work the acetone in. Don't just pull it apart as you may rip the skin. Once free, I suggest you wash the area with soap and water, and apply lotion as both super glue and acetone dry the skin.

Another thing you can use is petroleum jelly, aka Vaseline. Again I prefer 100% pure petroleum jelly, but any seems to work. It's not as effective as acetone and takes longer to work, but is less harsh on the skin. It's also wonderful at preventing super glue from sticking. If you want to make sure you don't get super glue on a particular area, cover it in Vaseline.

There are other more harsh chemicals for removing super glue, but they work faster. Which makes them good for those off cases where you need to get free quickly. These are Z-7 Debonder, Goo Gone, and Goof Off. I like to keep some around but you can certainly get by without it.

I've got a couple more tips before I get to some fun examples. Most people and web sites say when removing super glue, to start with soap and water, which is great advice, unless the super glue hasn't set yet, in which case water will make it harden; straight acetone will work better in that case. I suggest working with the cock in a semi erect or fully erect state. You don't want the foreskin to get stuck somewhere that makes erections painful. (Or do you?) It's also a good idea to shave any area you plan on applying glue to, as hair will not only make your glue less effective, it can pull on the hair painfully. While you only have to hold super glue in place for 30 seconds, it can take up to 5 minutes to fully set, so I suggest holding off on playing with your newly glued toy for a good 5 minutes. Try not to drop any on your clothes, carpet, sheets, or other fabric, as it's hard to get it clean once it sets. I prefer to work naked with an old towel under my sub to catch any stray drops. I also suggest wearing latex gloves to avoid gluing your own fingers. Super glue will suck the moisture out of the skin it touches, so I always suggest putting lotion on the area afterwards. If it's in an area that's not obviously visible then don't worry so much about getting every last bit off the skin, it will work itself off in a couple days and is probably easier on the skin that way.

Always think about how you will remove the super glue if you need to, even if you don't plan on removing it. Let's say you want to glue a tiny cowboy hat onto your thumb, just put glue around the ring of the hat. Don't cover your entire thumb in glue and stick the hat on there! That's so much more glue you have to remove. Also consider reachability; you could go one step further and only put a dab of glue in the very top of the hat and then stick it on your thumb. But now how are you going to work any glue remover into the top of that hat? You'd probably have to just pour and hope it reaches the glue, and if the hat is on too tight there's could be no easy way to reach it.

Now on to the fun stuff. You can glue the underside of your sub's cock to his balls so as his erection grows it pulls on them. It's a frustratingly fun situation for your sub to be in. And depending on how far under/along his balls you glue his cock, this is can be an effective form of chastity. Similarly, gluing the sub's foreskin closed over his cock can be another form of fun frustration to play with. If the sub is uncut or otherwise has rather long foreskin, an erection may be possible. This allows you to take things further than teasing and have sex with your sub without him coming. I suppose some might be able to reach orgasm, but most won't be able to due to the lack of friction in sensitive areas. Although I recommend being very careful that super glue is dry before trying anything with sex and a glued cock.

You can super glue your pet's cock to his stomach like in the news story I referred to earlier. Just make a line of glue up his erect cock and attach it to his stomach. While it makes peeing difficult, it's fun for short term play. For example it makes some forms of CBT easier as his cock doesn't swing out of the way when you whip it and it can't shield his balls if those are your target. If your sub's erection pushes into his stomach when hard, you can glue some screws to his stomach pointing up. When he gets fully erect his cock will push into the pointy screws. You could even have some fun teasing him to encourage it.

You can humiliate your sub using super glue as well. If you are having a friend over you could glue his finger tips to cock. Or you could go a step further and glue a full handed grip into place. (Again make sure you only outline the hand so you can free his hand easier.) Another idea would be to glue bra cups to his chest to give him breasts. You could even attach a pretty pink bow to his cock and make him wear it for a day.

You can glue a condom on your pet's cock and make him come in public. Do not coat the entire cock or any of the head of the cock, just glue the edge of the condom. (Remember the hat example?) Do any setup you need to before putting the condom on him. You can hook up stim pads if you have a remote estim device, or with a little work you can fit an egg vibrator in with the condom. Condoms can really stretch a lot, but if you must you can tape a vibrator to the outside of the condom in a strategic location. (I'd hate to glue it.) When gluing the condom on be careful not to get glue on any wires; you can coat them in petroleum jelly to make sure they don't stick to the super glue. Now you can privately turn the remote device on out in public and let run to completion, and have no mess. Bring some bandage shears to free him should he need to get out of the condom immediately.

As you can see, super glue opens up some new possibilities. It can actually be a bit of fun if you were the type of kid who liked craft time. If you've never played with super glue before I suggest you test it out first. It does take some time to remove the glue, so it's a good idea to understand the process before trying it on someone else. When I get a new glue remover I will sometimes glue my thumb and forefinger together to test it out. You can do the same or try it out on something you were going to throw away anyway. Of course a lot of project don't need to be removed. The pink bow idea I mentioned is safe to leave on till it comes off on it's own, and pretty much anything you glue to the balls will come off in 24 hours.

Friday, October 28, 2011

Halloween Kink

I love Halloween, so I decided to make a special Halloween post. Halloween is one of the kink friendliest holidays. Not only are there always kink friendly parties to be found, but what other holiday can you dress up a man in women's clothes and go out in public and not only not offend anyone, but get compliments for it? Halloween gives you an excuse to play around with ideas or concepts you might not even normally think about. I'm going to go over my favorite costume, and then follow up with a few other fun but relatively easier costumes.

I've helped subs into a variety of fun and kinky costumes, but my favorite, by far, was one of my own creation, the backwards blowup doll. One year I saw someone wearing a crappy blowup doll costume that was just a skin colored bodysuit with blowup doll written around the belly button. I liked the concept, it was especially fitting for a sub, but the costume itself was so bad that I couldn't help but think of ways to improve it. Regular blowup dolls just aren't big enough to fit someone in, but the plastic look is unmistakable. To make sure I had enough material I got two identical female, "life size" blowup dolls. (Any cheap blowup doll should work.) I cut one in half above the waste to make pants, and one below the waste to make a top. This ensures there will be some overlap and makes it a bit taller. This still isn't wide enough for a person to wear, so I cut along the seam and super glued in strips of material from the spare halves so it would fit my sub. I also super glued a couple Velcro strips to the pants and shirt so they wouldn't come apart. I cut off the feet so I could just tape them to my sub's shoes, and I removed the face and attached two elastic strings to it so it could be worn like a mask. This is when I noticed two things. First, the holes in the mask for eyes, nose, and mouth, weren't going to align with anyone's face. Second, the blowup doll pants didn't leave enough room for both the sub and penetrable pockets. And what I had really wanted was a fuckable blowup doll.

After a couple days of moping, inspiration struck me. I would put the costume on backwards. To clean him up and make sure he wouldn't have to take a dump after being dress, I started out with a simple enema. Next, I got him naked, and hard. I inserted a dildo in his ass as a placeholder, and while holding his ass cheeks apart best I could, I cling wrapped him a pair of underwear with his cock and balls sticking out front, and dildo sticking out the back. I had him put on the blowup doll pants with the front facing backwards, and as we pulled it up I filled it out where it wasn't tight so that it had that smooth balloon look. I don't remember what stuffing I used, just something random from the craft store. When we got up to ass level, I removed the dildo and exposed a direct line of sight to his asshole. I lubed up the backside of the pussy and worked it into his ass with a dildo. Basically pressing the fake vaginal opening in from the outside of the costume. Now the blowup doll had a reasonably fuckable pussy! I tried to position the hole for the doll's ass so I could poke at his cock and balls, but it was only an afterthought. To do the top of the doll the process was similar to the bottom, again with the front facing backwards. I had to have him lay down so the stuffing wouldn't fall out during packing, and everything pretty much stayed in place. To make them feel similar to the breasts on the blowup doll, I used two large balloons but only inflated them enough to fill up the boobs. My sub had some black shoes so I had him put those on so they wouldn't be too visible. I stuffed the cut off doll feet, sealed them up good, and attached them to the back of the shoes and pants so the feet pointed in the right direction as well. For the face, I took the head from the second doll, which had no holes cut in it and attached the elastic strings. I then put the mask on the back of his head. (Yes the strings went over his face.) This looked great because it was round just like a blowup doll and didn't have the shape of a human face. I put a black wig on him, also backwards, with the hair covering his face. It was a cheap wig so there wasn't enough hair to entirely block his vision, but it did a good enough job of hiding his face. To complete the effect I told him not to bend his arms or knees as he walked, and I had him walk backwards. From the back, he looked like a blowup doll facing forward.

I made sure to tell everyone the blowup doll's vagina went in, and was 100% fuckable. I expected everyone to squeeze the breasts, which is why I went through the trouble of filling them with balloons, so they'd feel like blowup doll boobs. But I didn't think anyone would really want to touch his "pussy." To my pleasant surprise a lot of people actually wanted to feel it or even stick a finger in! I was more than happy to let anyone who wanted to poke around to do so. Someone even volunteered to test it out for us at the end of the night. How awesome is that? The "vagina" is air tight (or else a blowup doll wouldn't hold any air), but I made sure the guy used a condom as not to make a mess of the costume. I sure felt proud. To adapt the costume for general public throw a bra and panties on your sub once he's in his blowup doll costume. I suppose you could even throw on a short skirt to make it more "safe" for the public depending on where you're going. The only real problem is getting your sub to walk backwards without stumbling over everything. I would either just tell him when to step up or down, or just hold his hand and would pull it up or down so he'd know to step. It was probably the funnest Halloween costume I've ever played with.

Now for some fun ideas that take less work. The first is the obvious drag queen costume. Tell your sub not to shave that morning, or for a couple days depending on how fast his facial hair grows. If he just can't get that manly stubble then you can draw it in. Any pen or fine marker will work, just draw in a bunch of little lines. If you're going to a kink friendly party you can get away with something a little more lingerie like, either way, go as slutty as you can safely get away with. Your local super store or discount clothing store are a good place for finding this type of clothing without paying too much. The idea with this one is to be obvious, so overdo it with the makeup. Powder his face too much or go heavy with foundation, put on a bit too much blush, and way too much eyeliner. Throw some overly bright red or pink lipstick into the mix, and finish up the package with a blond, or even pink wig. High heel shoes aren't necessary for the "obvious" look, just have him wear shoes that contrast sharply, such as tennis shoes. Don't do anything half way, chose either obviously male, or overly female.

Female masked costumes are great but often overlooked for men, but these can be fun as well since it can be difficult to tell if it's a man or a woman in the costume. Your sub may even get hit on by guys, which is something I always enjoy seeing. This set of costumes includes the Disney princesses, but the grownup versions of these costumes don't usually come with a mask. Sometimes you can find a child's mask that will fit an adult, or an adult mask that's generically female enough to pass as a princess, but a celebrity mask can also make a good costume. Sarah Palin masks are pretty easy to get right now and could make a sexy costume since she wears skirts. You could probably get away with a Condolisa Rice or Hillary Clinton costume as well, but those don't strike me as being as much fun. Since the mask makes this costume, find a mask first and then build the costume around it. If you can only find a generic female face then I suggest getting a Cinderellas costume, as that's most recognizable. A wig and high heels are necessary, so don't overlook those. You may have to go to a big and tall store for the heels but I think it's really worth it. To keep it fun and sexy I wouldn't suggest using a dress that fully covers the legs unless your sub has very manly legs, or the dress itself really completes the costume, like a frilly blue Cinderella dress. In cases where you end up with a longer dress I'd suggest leaving off the panties to keep things sexy. If legs are shown I also recommend your sub shave his legs as not to give away his gender.

The other option is of course a sexy costume meant for a woman. The french maid outfit is often overdone on Halloween, but great nonetheless. Any sexy costume will work and can be a lot of fun, but when choosing this type of costume, keep in mind that it can really be a lot of work. You have to go full out feminine as with the the previous suggestion. This includes a wig, high heels, and shaved legs, but you also have to make a good attempt at makeup.

Greasepaint can hide stubble on the face. And don't feel bad about having your pet shave his legs for a Halloween costume; whenever the sub sees, feels, or even thinks about his shaved legs this will not only remind him sub of his place, but of the fun you two had. This can make him (more?) horny even when you aren't around to tease him. Keep in mind that if your sub doesn't normally shave his legs because it would cause too many questions, or is unacceptable for one reason or another, having the excuse of "it was for a Halloween costume" often suffices. That said, opaque hosiery will generally hide leg hair. The darker the hair, the darker or more opaque you need it to be.

Halloween is also a great time to pick up a wig or two. Many stores carry them around this time of the year, so you can have your sub try them on to see how they look and to make sure they fit well. It's also a great time to pick up fun costumes for your sub if he's into humiliation or feminization, for example, french maid attire is desired by many subs. If there's no urgent need for an extra wig or costume I suggest you wait until the day after Halloween to buy them, as most every place marks them down to clear them out. Wigs and costumes such as the french maid can be rather costly the rest of the year, but if you go after Halloween you can get them for a great price.

Halloween is not only a great excuse for cross dressing, but a great excuse for all kinds of fun. It sparks the imagination, and if nothing else, is a great excuse to try just about anything. Want an excuse to try pegging? Dress up your pet as a woman. Want an excuse to try rimming? Dress up as a cheerleader and tell your sub his tongue is only worthy of your ass. Hell, the excuse doesn't even have to make sense. If you want to play with a chastity device tell your pet that in order to properly fill the role of his costume - and any costume will work as an excuse - you're going to keep him locked up all day and only let him out to tease him from time to time. Whatever you do, have a fun and happy Halloween.

Friday, September 23, 2011

Blogger Burnout

It happened, I've got blogger burnout. Not writers block, but burnout. I was just tired of writing, and it made me ask myself, am I really enjoying this? I enjoy giving advice to other tops almost as much as I like topping myself. (Well, maybe not quite that much.) But it started to feel like the effort I was putting into this wasn't helping women as much as it was getting men off.

The big thing I had noticed was the number of comments and emails I received from males. When I first started, a much higher percentage of my readers were female. I've always insisted there are far more submissive males than dominant females, so this is inevitable. However, most of my earliest comments were from women, but later comments have mostly been by men. I'm guessing as people started following the blog, and as I posted more and more topics, it became more intimidating to women looking for a kink or fetish related guide.

I still receive an email from a woman every now and then, so at least I know a couple fellow ladies are reading my blog. I've decided to take a month or so off, and give it another shot, but I'm going to back off on the frequency a bit. I'll be aiming for once a month, at least to start. And, of course, I still plan to write my posts primarily directed at the female top. If I eventually run out of topics I may revisit specific portions of other posts in more detail, or may even try to answer questions readers might have. We'll see when (if?) we get there.

Friday, September 16, 2011

Pegging

Since I've got a prostate theme going here, I'll finish up with Pegging. Despite how commonly the two are brought up together, for someone with a pegging fetish, it's almost certainly not about the prostate. For those who have never heard the term before, pegging is simply anal sex with a strap-on dildo. Submissive men fantasize about this because it reverses gender roles, being penetrated rather than penetrating. I'd suggest everyone try it once, if for no other reason than for the experience of being on the other side. That said, there will be more men than women who enjoy pegging; although usually, even for men, it's due more to mental aspects than physical.

I'd like to start by clearing up some misconceptions. Just because a man is interested in pegging, it doesn't mean he's gay or bi. It doesn't even mean he's curious about sexual acts with a man. It just means he wants a woman to do him in the ass. It may mean he's into feminization, but it may also be due to an interest in humiliation, as there has traditionally been stigma associated with anal sex. It may just be the whole taboo aspect of the thing he's interested in. This is true even if a man has fantasies of being forced to suck a cock for your enjoyment. In the end it's about your control over him. Another misconception, mostly by men this time, is that women get great pleasure from pegging. Subs love it when a woman enjoys such an act, and thus it's portrayal in erotic writing and porn is greatly exaggerated. Obviously there are no sensitive nerve ending in a dildo, and we miss out on a lot of potentially enjoyable friction. In reality it's difficult for us, if not impossible, to orgasm from pegging. I touched on a very similar misconception in my previous post so I won't go over it again in great detail, but I'd like any men reading this to keep that in mind.

There are some dildos designed to stimulate the woman while she fucks a man in the ass, but I've found them all to be a bit overrated. Nonetheless, they are more fun than regular strap-ons, and worth the investment if you're trying to make the most out of pegging. The most popular of these is the Feeldoe. However, after becoming popular they changed the way they're made; the silicone tends to be slightly too firm for comfort now, and it's a common complaint you'll hear from women with the new Feeldoes. They have a vibrator attachment which can help if you prefer vibration, but it seems those have gotten cheaper as well. Even on the older models, the vibrations aren't as strong as I'd like but it's the feature of the Feeldoe that gets the most attention. Then there's the Nexus Double Dildo. It's tends to be harder to hold in due to it's weight, but offers a deeper filled sensation, if you enjoy that. They seem to be gaining in popularity, probably due to the changes in the Feeldoe. There's little else to be said about them. My personal favorite, by far, is something FunFactory makes called Share. In my experience, it feels the best, it easily rubs both your g-spot and your clit, and is the easiest to hold in place. As such, this is probably the closest you're going to get to experiencing a cock of your own. Although that's not saying much.

Are three all made out of silicone, which can be cleaned with soap and water, or alcohol, and can be thoroughly sterilized in boiling water. I always suggest you use a water based lube, as lubricants that contain silicone can destroy silicone toys. They all are primarily held in with your PC muscle. Even if you have strong muscles, if things get too wet for you, the toys can pop out. You can help prevent this with kegel exercise, holding your legs together tightly, or simply adding a harness to the mix. By far, the best harness is SpareParts' Joque Harness. But pretty much any cheap o-ring harness without padding, or with removable padding, will do the trick. I know several happy owners of this cheap harness for example.

As I've mentioned before, a man's prostate is often stimulated during anal penetration. While not being the sole point of pleasure, this tends to make pegging an enjoyable experience, rather than the torturous one often imagined by subs. Of course, since prostate stimulation doesn't give all men erections, don't expect pegging alone to do so either. Men will get the most enjoyment out of pegging with simultaneous stimulation of their cock and balls. Being a bit of a sadist myself I prefer to use a dildo that's too big to be comfortable for the sub. This takes away some of the physical pleasure for the sub but if you flat out explain that you're intentions are to make things less comfortable or enjoyable, this usually returns more than what it takes in the form of mental and fetish pleasures. It's really a win-win. If your sub is into feminization you can have him dressed up before play to intensify the situation for him.

It's important to make sure you're pet is properly lubed before starting. What works best, especially for first timers, is to slowly work lube into his ass with your fingers. Of course I recommend gloves, but if you and your sub are comfortable without you using them then feel free to skip them. Start shallow and with one finger. Work the lube in deeper and deeper and add a second finger to help relax him and loosen him up. If he feels too tight you can remind him to relax. If you're worried he will be too tight just apply more lube and continue to stretch him with your fingers. As long as you're gentle about it you should be fine. If you're sub isn't new to this, or it just isn't your style, you can work the lube into him slowly with the dildo itself. Lube it up, but don't just plunge in. Work it in a little bit at a time, going back and forth in small amounts spreads out the lube more evenly. After about an inch or increased resistance, pull out, add more lube, and repeat, going deeper each time.

As for penetration, the most common way to peg is with the sub on his back, at the edge of a table or bed, with his legs in the air. It's important to get the height right so you don't have to struggle to thrust your synthetic cock into him. You can put pillows under his ass to lift it to a height that's comfortable for you, or if you're more serious about it, you can pick out a table of the correct height to simplify things. In this position I suggest securing his ankles to his hands via cuffs, bondage tape, etc. This makes him more vulnerable and gives you more control. This position is popular because it allows easy access to your sub's genitals. I've even seen someone give a blow job while pegging from this angle. CBT is also possible in this position; whipping and slapping the cock and balls being the easiest. You can hold on to his balls while you peg him, squeezing and pulling on them. Tying up his balls will help in this regard, and you can make a little harness leash combo if you otherwise have trouble reaching them. E-stim also works well as you can adjust it easily enough while you peg.

Pegging doggy style doesn't give you such easy access to his most sensitive bits, and it won't hit the prostate as much, but is also a common approach. Part of the popularity is because many find it more humiliating, as there is a bit of stigma involved with doggy style. Hell, even the name is a bit derogatory. If you want to take it a step further you can put a dog collar on your sub and use a leash to pull him onto your synthetic dick. It's also easier to get a good cock-to-ass height with your sub as you can adjust his vertical height by spreading his legs further apart. Which brings up my favorite thing about doggy style, something I call "side effect" orgasms. If his legs are spread far enough apart his cock can rub the bed as you fuck him in the ass, and this can cause a wound up pet to come. While such an orgasm would still be enjoyable, it can be humiliating as well. If you aren't directly stimulating his cock when he comes, it will seem to him as if he came from anal play alone. If this happens don't let the opportunity pass. You can get great mileage out of teasing him about how much of an anal slut he is. You can use this excuse with e-stim but works much better with less obvious forms of stimulation that can be done with a from-behind approach to pegging.

One of the best ways to get a "side effect" orgasm is to bend your sub over a table before pegging. Make sure you've heavily lubed up his cock during some earlier play, and with every thrust into his ass you will be effectively stroking his cock on the table. I suggest making sure he is hard before you lean him over the table and then checking after a bit to see if the stimulation is keeping him hard. As with all things penis, stimulation can go one of two ways: not enough stimulation and he goes soft, or enough stimulation to keep him hard and eventually lead to orgasm. If you are worried he's not moving enough you can get more lube on the table or even go as far as covering most of his front side so he slides more, but I don't find it necessary. I suggest pulling his balls out behind him as not to get in the way of his cock and you can grab onto them or play with them for added stimulation. Again, some ball bondage with a leash can help here.

Depending on the angle of your sub's erect cock you can have him kneeling on the bed, with his legs spread far enough for the underside of his cock head to rub on the bed. I suggest putting a towel down to keep things clean. Again, each thrust will bring him closer to orgasm. Pulling back on the balls as you reverse thrust will cause the cock to rub harder against the surface. I've also noticed beds have a tendency to cause a bit more movement under a sub than a table does. This is actually how I first discovered the trick, and later improved it into the table version mentioned above. But this still works surprisingly well for some subs, maybe due to the roughness of a towel opposed to the smoothness of the table. It's also less obvious that you're doing it on purpose and makes it better for that "I can't believe you came from this" angle.

If you're goal during pegging is orgasm, the sooner he reaches orgasm, the sooner you can stop. Even if you whole heartily enjoy pegging, it can become tedious if your sub isn't able to reach an orgasm when you want him to. It always helps to have edged or played with your sub before hand so he's quicker to reach orgasm. Having him "ready himself" for you by masturbating to the edge of orgasm while fingering himself is a fun way to make things easier for you. He's lubed and ready to go. If pegging is just final event of a series of play you may wish to have a back up plan in case your sub is unable to reach orgasm through the method you had preferred. Often freeing a hand and having him "come for you" works.

Personally, it's a rare occasion that I initiate pegging for my own enjoyment, as there are other things I enjoy more. If I want stimulation, whimpering, squirming, or to embarrass my sub, there are better avenues for each. Personally, I see pegging as a gift or reward for a sub, but using it as a (play) punishment tends to heighten the experience. That said, I understand why some women enjoy it so much. After all, the mind is the most powerful sex organ. There is a sexy power exchange taking place, and there's a nice humiliation angle to it as well. Also, if you feed heavily on your sub's emotions and reactions, then someone with a pegging fetish can also add more to the pleasure of the act. This is, however, another one of those things that, as a top, you shouldn't feel bad about if you don't enjoy it.

Friday, September 9, 2011

Prostate Massage

I figure I should cover prostate massage since my last post was about prostate milking. Prostate massage is pleasurable for most men, and unlike prostate milking, it is intended to be enjoyable for the person on the receiving end. Impressively enough, some men can even have an orgasm from prostate stimulation alone. Prostate massage isn't kinky of and in itself, but it has become fetishized by many subs.

Some men just have anal fetishes and discover the pleasure of prostate stimulation while exploring that. But for most subs, a big part of the thrill ties into feminization and humiliation fetishes. In the case of feminization prostate massage is desired in the form of pegging, or strap on play. The sub is playing a reversed role, being penetrated by a woman rather than the other way around. In the case of humiliation, the sub gets off on the fact that you know he actually enjoys having something up his ass. Verbally reminding a sub he is enjoying something being up his ass, without going into the specifics of why, can have a very powerful effect on him mentally.

Prostate massage can be done by hand, with your fingers, and I always suggest it as a starting point for people with little‑to‑no prostate play experience. For a how‑to guide in finding the prostate, see this paragraph from last week's post. Since we're only talking about massage here, if you have really small hands and it's too difficult or it's just plain too disgusting for you, then you'll probably be fine skipping right to a toy and relying mostly on feedback from your sub. When milking the prostate, accuracy is very important, but not so much when massaging. I also mentioned the Doc Johnson Pleasure Wand last week, but for massage you don't need such a precise toy. I suggest larger, blunter dildos for massaging the prostate so you don't have to focus so much on what you're doing. Sometimes it's fun to use a toy that's slightly too large, enough to be uncomfortable, as to mix pleasure with pain.

The way I see it, prostate massage is something you can do to reward your sub. I find it's prevalence in the BDSM community to be unusual since it seems to be an act focused on the submissive male's pleasure. It's almost like a blow job in that regard. I am actually quite disappointed by the number of men I run across who think it would give a top great pleasure to massage their prostate. Would someone go up to a dominant woman and ask her for a blow job? Of course not. This must have spilled over from homosexual man‑on‑man BDSM culture, where the one taking it in the ass tends to have less enjoyment than the one doing the penetrating. But from a dominant woman's perspective, I see no reason for it to be elevated to the status it has among straight submissive men.

Of course, with the right angle you can have fun with almost any form of sexual play. As I mentioned earlier, my sadistic side gets some enjoyment out of using a dildo that's too big to be comfortable for the sub. In this regard it can be somewhat akin to CBT. Seeing how much pain a sub is willing to take in return for pleasure is always interesting. And prostate massage can be useful in intensifying a sub's desire to orgasm - I do like my men desperate for orgasm. So I don't mean to bash it if it's your thing, but try to be realistic about it if you can. If you're a dominant woman who doesn't care about prostate massage, do not feel guilty or out of place.

Friday, September 2, 2011

Prostate Milking

You hear a lot about prostate milking on the web, but it's actually much less common than it's made out to be. What a lot of people call prostate milking is actually just prostate massage. A prostate milking causes seminal fluid to leave the body without orgasm. It's viewed as worse than a ruined orgasm by many who experience it. It's a submissive experience that's literally forced, but one that's often done for prostate health on a chaste sub.

I want to be extra clear on what prostate milking is. Semen is literally milked out of the prostate. No erection is necessary. You can tell the difference between a milking and a massage in the way the seminal fluid leaves the body. If it squirts out in rhythmical pulses, then that was an orgasm. It doesn't matter if there was pressure on the prostate, it was caused by an orgasm. If it dribbles out anticlimactically, then it was a milking.

Prostate milking will clear out old seminal fluid that has built up in the prostate. Normally seminal fluid is flushed during orgasm. Even if not actively having sex or masturbating to orgasm, the body will flush the prostate during wet dreams. However, when wearing a chastity device any erection can be painful and wet dreams will usually be interrupted before the body can do it's thing. When a man is unable to orgasm, seminal fluid can become toxic. It can lead to dangerous bacterial infections, and some studies have even shown an increased risk in prostate cancer.

So then how often should you "empty" old seminal fluid? I've seen recommendations ranging from every week to just twice a month. I'm lucky enough to have a kink friendly doctor - not an easy find I might add - and was able to ask him personally. When I explained the situation to him, he suggested that an occasional week or two without orgasm should be fine, but if orgasms are regularly prevented for more than 7 to 10 days, then a prostate milking would probably be a good idea. But he emphasized that a milking should not be done on men who have a disease of the prostate or acute prostatitis, and then only in the case where an orgasm is really out of the question. He also said to watch for blood in the semen when milking the prostate, as that could signify I'm being too rough. I should mention that I have yet to see blood in semen when milking, and I don't consider myself gentle by any means.

Many men find the stimulation of the prostate pleasurable. So then isn't a prostate milking somewhat of a reward? No, not at all. Milking can actually be devastating to some men. I've had it explained to me as a feeling similar to orgasm, but without the pleasure or intensity. It also takes a lot of the energy out of a man's horniness. The fullness of the prostate subconsciously makes men feel aroused. As thus, men become less horny after a milking. Since a horny sub is so much easier to deal with and enjoyable to be around, I see this as a downside to milking. In the end, subs still seem to be hornier than with the alternative to milking: an orgasm.

Unfortunately, it's not easy to learn how to milk the prostate. It can take a while to figure it all out. Even experienced, it takes me about 5 minutes to thoroughly milk a prostate. An empty bladder will help, and a bowel movement makes your sub relax and makes the process easier and cleaner for you. You can use an enema if you prefer. There are a lot of toys out there designed to help, but I suggest you learn to do it by hand first. Prostate toys are popular for men because it can be difficult for a man to reach his own prostate, and a man can feel what the toy is doing to help guide himself. You on the other hand feel nothing with a toy, so the best way to learn is by hand. Then you can move on to other toys if it doesn't suit you.

Start by making sure your nails have no jagged edges. You don't have to trim them short, but if you don't, be extra careful not to tear or scratch anything. I also strongly suggest using sterile latex gloves. Using a water based lube, insert your index finger, or your index and middle finger, into your sub's ass. Move upward and in, almost as if you were pointing towards his belly button. You should find his prostate anywhere from 1 to 3 inches in. It's roughly the size of a walnut, but obviously you're only feeling the edge of it through the rectal wall. I suggest having your pet masturbate (or doing it for him) after you think you've found the prostate or as you feel for it, as this will make it swell a little and get harder. Getting to the edge of orgasm and stopping should make the prostate hard to miss. Another thing that might be helpful would be to get feedback from your pet, as rubbing the prostate may cause a sense of urgency to urinate. Once you're sure you've found the prostate you can then massage it on both sides. We are forcing the semen out, so take your time but don't be too gentle. The only thing to be careful with is not to put pressure on the center of the prostate, as that could potentially damage the urethra.

Once you get the hang of it, then if your still interested, get a toy to help. I like the Doc Johnson Pleasure Wand, and recommend against the popular Aneros brand of toys simply because they are so overpriced; you're paying for the name. Really, most g-spot toys will work for milking, so there's no need to spend a lot. Also, since pleasure isn't your goal when milking, a vibrating toy isn't necessary. Sometimes they aren't even more pleasurable for your pet, as they can actually numb the prostate. If you do get a toy that can vibrate, try it out to see if it speeds up the process for you.

Some men have a refractory period after a milking and can't get hard. However some can get hard, or if they were hard when you milked them, can keep their erection. In these cases those men can masturbate or fuck all they want without coming during what would normally be their refractory period. Of course some of those men can just come right away; either having a dry orgasm, or with one with a small amount of cum. I'm not sure why there is such a big difference in the range of responses, but it's something for you to test out and play with if you're looking for a fun angle, or even just a way to quickly put your sub back into a horny mindset.

Friday, August 26, 2011

Stranger Humiliation

While I disapprove of most public play with strangers, I'm going to make a post on the topic. I guess the thing that bothers me the most is that it's a quick cheap thrill at the cost of a stranger. Hopefully my post can keep people away from the most tasteless public excursions and leave you with a few more reasonable ideas, should this be something you want to pursue.

But first I wait to say that I've heard people brag about how they forced their sub to dress up a sissy and visit family, or how they brought their sub to a Christmas get together wearing a collar and leash. I don't know how to say this plainly enough: You are directly forcing family into your sex life. You and/or your sub are getting off on this, and these people are unwilling participants. This is equivalent to grabbing your father's hand and forcing him to give your sub a hand job. They are family so they feel obligated to put up with it but it's really not appropriate.

One way to humiliate your sub is to take him to Victoria's Secret and help pick out lingerie for him. You can even wander around until someone offers to help. These people are generally use to men perving around their store so this is only one step further. One could even imagine a truly transgendered man being interested in such things and in this case you're helping to break some of that stigma. The cheaper version of this is to take your sub to visit a Walmart-like store, or a discount clothing store, and pick out some women's clothing for him. Hell, you can even make him try them on in the changing room before buying them. I admit that I'd hate to have a stranger's horny cock rubbed on my clothes, but I always assume the worst and wash new clothes before wearing them.

A more general approach to the shopping angle would be would be to have your sub pick up certain items that suggest an illicit kinky use. Make him get all the items at once and make him go through a cashier; do not let him use the self checkout. You can usually verify this on the receipt, but you can go with him and then send him off to check out and watch from a distance. Super Walmarts and Super Whatever-Big-Stores are great because they let you pair more embarrassing items, such as a cucumber and some lube. Not all food stores will have lube though, so you can go with baby oil which is pretty much just as guilty looking. If they don't have cucumbers or you think that's overdone you can have him get a single banana or large carrot. If it's a drug store you can have him get some tampons with his lube instead, and you can throw in an enema kit while you're at it. Other things you can add to the list are a box of tissues, Nair "bikini cream" hair remover, adult diapers, and a men's fitness magazine. I'm sure there are other things you can think of as well. I prefer to select two or three very specific items to hint at a particular action. To finish things off you can even make your sub use said items in such a manner, so what the cashier was thinking, was right.

But your sissy is all dressed up and you want him to experience the world! Well then, how should you go about this? One thing people tend to overlook are BDSM clubs. They are great for this. People at such clubs understand what's going on and are much more likely to make lewd comments than the general public. If you don't feel your sub gets enough attention try putting a note on him asking people to grab his ass or fondle him, etc. You can really go all out in such a setting. Another good place to go is a gay bar. Most allow straight visitors or couples, but you might want to call ahead to make sure. This is also a great way to get embarrassing comments as people who have had a couple of drinks are tend to be more lose tongued. If you absolutely must parade your sissified sub around out in public to unsuspecting strangers, please choose an appropriate part of town. Most cities and towns tend to have certain areas that are more seedy and less likely to have a mothers taking their kids out for a walk and that sort of thing. I also suggest avoiding schools, toy stores, etc. Your goal should be the embarrassment of your sub, not the disgust or anger of strangers.

Friday, August 19, 2011

Pizza Humiliation

You've found someone willing to help you humiliate your sub, but how do you go about it? You could do the obvious "my friend wants to watch us play and see how you beg" approach, but there are other more clever and more humiliating options. I'll tell you about one of my favorite mindfucks to play on a new sub.

Announce to your sub that you are going to order a pizza for lunch/dinner. Find out what he wants and then call the pizza company to order. Only instead of calling the pizza company you call your helper. Give your phone number, then name, and "confirm" your address. Tell your helper what pizza it is you want. Once off the phone complain to your sub that they told you your wait is going to take 30-40 minutes. Ah, but you have an idea, to avoid getting bored you want to play with your sub right here in the living room. Have your pet close the curtains get naked while you bring out your bondage gear.

Secure him to the couch or a table. It doesn't really matter what as long as he can't get up (or knock anything down trying). You don't want him messing up your plans by doing something he's not suppose to; he has to lay there no matter what happens. Make extra sure he can't get his hands free. I strongly suggest you use professional grade handcuffs. Free hands have the most potential to screw up your plans. Also blindfold him with a good blindfold. So many are easy to see around and you don't want him to see anything. If you aren't sure about a good blindfold I suggest painting some swim goggles black (or you can use any color nail polish). You're also going to want to have a gag handy. You can either gag him now or save it for later. Keep most of your clothes on or have some near by you can quickly throw on if need be.

Begin playing with your sub. I like to either set up some e-stim or secure a vibrator to his cock so that a hands free orgasm is possible. Get him hard and horny. And then... What?! How could the pizza be here already? It's only been 20 minutes! If he doesn't have the gag in yet put it in quickly and throw a thin sheet over him that you just happened to have near by. Perhaps his erection is obvious through the sheet. Shout "just a minute" as you begin throwing on some clothes. I suggest leaving e-stim on a setting that will keep him hard, but preferably won't make him come yet. Coming too soon would take some of the fun out of it. If you have a vibrator set up I also suggest leaving it on, but on low depending on how loud it is and how obvious you want things to be. Open the door, take the pizza and pay the pizza delivery girl, your helper, with a twenty dollar bill. Now this can go one of two ways.

With this first option everything happens pretty quick. It may sound drawn out, but the whole thing goes down in less than a minute. Your pizza delivery girl tells you the twenty dollar bill looks fake. "And if it's fake I get in trouble for accepting it, and it comes out of my pocket." Reply with something like, "I'm sure it's good but, I'll see what other change I have." And walk off a bit to set the pizza down and look for different change, all while leaving your delivery girl at the open door. The curious delivery girl quickly walks over and throws up the sheet to reveal your sub. I suggest having her move the sheet enough to reveal his goods, but taking it all the way off is also acceptable. If you think that's too much then just revealing a leg or foot is fine too. You can decide on the scale of exposure here, although I think letting her get a good look at his cock and balls should be the minimum amount of exposure for this much trouble. She makes a quiet gasp and runs back to the door leaving your sub exposed. "I've got other pizzas to deliver, I'll just take the twenty." As your sub is blindfolded you can delay until the events have unfolded and the delivery girl is back at the door. There's no need to guess, you can just look to see how things are progressing. At this point either give her new change or the original twenty dollar bill. Close the door and exclaim to your sub, "Were you like that the whole time? Did the wind do that?" And if he made noise, "I think you scared off the the pizza delivery girl!"

The second options is more humiliating and quite a bit more personal. It also asks more from your helper, and thus makes it harder to find someone willing to help. If you prefer this approach I suggest presenting both options to potential helpers but tell them you'd prefer this one. As you close the door and go to set the pizza down in the kitchen tell your sub you have some bad cramps all of a sudden and need to run to the bathroom. Once there, text your helper so she knows it's safe. The pizza delivery girl then knocks lightly but without waiting opens the door. She speaks at a normal volume so you have an excuse for not hearing her, "Hey I think this twenty is fake." After just a few seconds of silence her curiosity gets the better of her. She partially closes the door behind her and goes over to your sub. She pulls up the sheets, just enough to show a foot. She gasps, but quickly recovers and moves the sheets to reveal more of your sub. Either uncovering him completely, or just enough to expose his cock and balls. After a couple more seconds of pondering and taking in the sights, maybe even some back tracking to the door, she decides to fondle your pet. If you have a vibrator set up she can turn it up. If it's e-stim I suggest having her leave it alone, but if you're comfortable with her experience you can let her turn it up. Ideally under this situation she'll make your sub orgasm, but put a time limit on things so it doesn't seem like you're gone for an unreasonable amount of time, maybe 4 or 5 minutes. Orgasm or not, the pizza delivery girl re-covers your pet and leaves. Your helper then texts you to let you know it's safe to come out. Wait another 30 seconds before coming out.

Now your sub is gagged and can't tell you what happened, but he may try. "Oh what sexy noises you make!" If he hasn't come during the events, finish him off with an orgasm as to complete the experience. After he's come you can undo the gag. If you undo it first it will seem unbelievable or cold of you to force an orgasm on him after he explains things. I generally don't tell the sub it was just all a ruse. Maybe if he's freaked out about "what could have happened" then I let him know he was never in any danger and that I set the whole thing up. It really ruins it though, so if possible just let it be one of those things he will forever remember.

Now, this works best if your helper actually orders and picks up the pizza order you gave over the phone. This little detail makes the whole thing so much more real. Also since your sub is blindfolded, no costume is necessarily for your pizza delivery girl. I refer to my helper as the pizza delivery girl, but this can work with a male assistant; He would just be a pizza delivery guy instead. You might not want to take the fondling path if this is the case as that would be extra humiliating for most men, sometimes to the point of anger. You also don't need to set up an e-stim or vibrator, but I still prefer to do it to help keep a nervous sub hard. All of this assumes your front door opens to your living room. If that's not the case then you'll have to make being tied up next to the front door part of the game before things "go wrong." If you've never played with a gag or blindfold before this then try to work them into play a couple times before this so it doesn't seem too obvious. If you don't have fun doing some of the things required for this mindfuck, ie gags, blind folds, a particular pizza company, then you can use this as an excuse not to do those things in the future.

Friday, August 12, 2011

Humiliation Help

In previous posts I talked about humiliation in private and humiliation online. This leaves us with humiliation in person, with a real person. We don't want to break any laws, so how do you go about finding a willing participant? If one of these approaches is too much for you then just skip the paragraph and go on to the next. If none of these sound reasonable to you and you can find no one to help you out with such adventures, then simply avoid going there. Don't let your sub, or your desire to please your sub, pressure you into a situation you aren't comfortable with.

First, always be upfront and honest with anyone you contact about what you're looking for; tricking someone into helping is a good way to get in trouble. I also suggest you have an idea of what you want your third party to do beforehand. If you're looking for someone to be involved physically, it's going to be a lot harder to find someone. And finding someone to watch your pet "perform" will be harder than if you're just looking for a quick scene, such as coming to the door to sell something, only to be "surprised" and run off at the site of your tied up, cross dressed, and/or maturating sub. Of course, don't go as far as scripting something out. Not only do memorized lines tend to sound like memorized lines, but a fixed script is likely to scare potential help away.

The most obvious approach would be to hire a professional dominatrix, an escort, or a stripper. This approach is also expensive. A professional dominatrix will cost the most and you probably don't need to pay that price just for someone to watch. Some escorts actually escort, but some do more and will be happy to help. As a last resort you can check with services that hire out strippers for things like bachelor parties. Keep in mind that when you ask an escort or stripper service for something that sounds kinky, you'll be asked to pay a bit more. The mark up varies, but expect something from 50 to 200% more. The bright side is that since you're not looking for sex or other dangerous acts, and looks don't matter, you can go with the cheapest service you can find. CraigsList has shut down it's adult section, but Backpage fills that niche now. And don't forget, you can always check the phone book.

The next most obvious approach is to post a personals ad to CraigsList. While this is completely free and fairly easy to set up, it's also one of the hardest to pull off. Again, be honest. I suggest saying you're looking for a woman who would be willing to let you humiliate your sub in front of them. If you say you want someone who will "help you humiliate" your sub, it sounds more daunting. Most women however won't be very interested in such things, and no matter what you say in your ad, most everyone you get a reply from will be a man. What I've found with men on CraigsList is that they'll want more than to just watch. I suggest avoiding men from CraigsList entirely unless they have a female partner who will come along with them. Sure there are some reasonable men out there, and if you have a conversation with someone and everything seems right, then go for it. But beware of guys who are looking for a blowjob on the side.

If you really want to bring someone around, your best bet is to find someone in the lifestyle or community. What might be the obvious approach to some is to check your local BDSM club. But for many, this is too daunting a task, especially since many require a membership or have a high non-member entry fee. Most people will be more comfortable going to such social settings with their sub, but then when you do get talking to someone who might be interested he's likely to remember them, which doesn't really ruin anything but I do think it's more fun if it's someone your sub hasn't met before. If you prefer to have your sub involved and you are comfortable in such settings then this is an acceptable approach.

The easiest way to find someone however, is at local munches. These are low key, low pressure, meetings in a public setting. The dress is casual, there's no fetish attire or BDSM play. Topics range from the most vanilla of small talk to the kinkiest of BDSM subjects. This is one of the best ways to meet a like minded person in the community. The trickiest part here is finding local munches and clubs. While Google and Craig's List might aid you in your search, currently best way to find such things are through the site FetLife. You can search for events and local groups through the site once you've signed up.

While I am often disappointed with FetLife's feature set, I have to admit that it has it's strong areas. If you're not the type of person to go to a munch or BDSM club, then FetLife is still useful for you. Not only is it great for finding local clubs and munches, but it's probably the best and safest way out there right now to meet the type of person you're looking for from your home. If it's a woman you'll usually end up making an arrangement with her to help you out, and in turn, you'll help her with her pet. If you decide to go with a man then usually he's willing to watch or otherwise help for nothing in return. Since FetLife has no way to search for other people with similar interests in your area I suggest joining a local group and simply posting what you're looking for there.

Of course you could always ask a friend for help, but I'd only suggest considering this if you're keeping your sub for life, or at least as long as you plan on keeping your friendship with said friend. For most people it's not worth risking a friendship over a little sexual fun. Hopefully you know a bit about your friend's interests, but a safe way to gauge their interest is by asking them hypothetical questions. Of course you could end up offending them, but if they're really your friend, blah blah blah. Also, they may be willing to help you out once, but if you're interested in getting their help multiple times, keep in mind a friendship is a give-take relationship. Even if your friend is into kinky play, they aren't likely to get satisfaction from helping you humiliate your sub. If your friend also has a sub then this might be a favor you can trade off with her, but if not, the other options is to bring her into the play. At this point we're looking at some sort of three way action which, again, many people aren't conformable with. So while it's not always a bad idea, please think it through before attempting to involve a friend in such an intimate part of your life.

Friday, August 5, 2011

Public Humiliation

This is a continuation of last week's post, but focuses more on the public aspect of humiliation. As I said before, you don't have to involve a third party to make something humiliating. However, as you play around more with humiliation you might find yourself wanting to push your sub a little bit further. While you don't need to push your sub's limits, doing so is one of those bonding things we tend to do in growing relationships. Did I mention it's fun?

You don't need to bring someone into your bedroom to make humiliation more public. In fact, I find it's best to take things slowly. If you jump right to something very extreme then, yes, you are really going to humiliating him a lot, but then the steps in between are less intense. If you build up slowly then your sub can be the most humiliated he's ever been, each step of the way. Maybe I'm just sadistic, but doesn't this just sound like so much more fun?

The first step up from private humiliation play is to share pictures of your pet with a friendly but easily accessible community. I suggest Reddit's Gone Wild community or their BDSM Gone Wild community. If the picture is kinky, I suggest you post it at both. While a majority of the pictures are of women, pictures of men are allowed as well; just make sure you tag them with [M] as listed in the guidelines so no one gets upset. It's a very friendly place while still being publicly accessible. You have to host the images elsewhere though; I prefer postimage.org, but Reddit users tend to prefer imgur.com. Both let you make accounts and delete old pictures under that account. An alternative would be to post the pics on a profile at FetLife but kinky pics are the norm there, and it's so hard for strangers to find your pictures that I don't consider it a good choice if your goal is humiliation. Either way there should be some fun comments for you and your sub to read, perhaps you could even take requests from the community and fill them live, or just the next time you're playing.

To get responses from people who are more likely to be surprised by kinky pictures you can post an ad with pictures in the CraigsList personals section. Since this is local to your area you may want to use pictures without your sub's face, or chose a different city to post your ad in. People aren't idiots so don't post a bunch of fake ads in a row. It's probably best to just post as if you were your sub; this doesn't really limit your options. You could post his pictures and ask what people would "do to you." You could pretend to be looking for a new kinky friend, or you could just appear like a total perv and say that you took these pictures of yourself and wondered if anyone would like to help you take more. The idea is to try and get replies from people without having your post flagged and removed for being fake. CraigsList hides your email address but you may still be more comfortable making a fake email address for this. Even if you post to a personals section directed at women, expect a lot of replies from men. That said, posting in the M4M section would get you more replies. Since a lot of posting to CraigsList is just knowing regular people will see the pictures, you might want to plan ahead a bit on what email address to use or what you're going to write and then post an ad of pictures you take next time you're playing. You could probably even get several response right away, although some will certainly be spam.

There are some adult sites you can post your own videos at, but for some reason I have much less fun sharing the videos on such sites. Part of it is because there's so much fake porn there, but the bigger thing for me is how many guys post their own videos there just for the hell of it. If you want to share humiliating videos I suggest you find a site that pays you for views or downloads. Making money off your sub's slutitude can really make your sub feel used and humiliated, even if it's just pennies. Otherwise, he's just another random guy playing on cam for the world.

What I think works so much better is live video feeds. This is also a big step up from pictures. You can control your sub off cam or on. This lets you change up the dynamic; either having him be a lone pervert, or a dominated pet. There are two places that come to mind that let you broadcast your kinky webcam video to strangers. The first is ChatRoulette. There are more penises on ChatRoulette than you can shake a stick at, nonetheless, it's a free forum for you to broadcast anything to a complete stranger. It's all one on one. While it can be annoying at times, you can usually find someone with a webcam interested in watching, or someone without a cam fascinated enough not just to watch but comment as well. This is important for good humiliation. The second one was recommended by a friend, Cam4. This one will let you get some money from your pet's performance, although apparently the viewers are bad tippers. When signing up I had to wait a couple minutes for it to go through, perhaps they are gaining in popularity? With Cam4 you can have groups of people watching, but most tend to be men. You can set your profile to straight male but it won't help much. If virtually pimping out your sub sounds like fun, setting your profile to bisexual male will probably get you the most viewers. If the virtual pimping angle sounds like fun, you can try to hold out for a "tip" before having him do something humiliating, but since a lot of men on there are willing to do stuff for free, unless you have a large enough audience you will end up holding out indefinitely.

Next time I'll post about in-person humiliation, but I feel I should take a second to warn you not to trot your pet out to some random public place and have him expose himself or perform some lewd act in front of strangers. In the US this is actually a misdemeanor offense called public lewdness. I'm not sure about specific countries but it's just not a good idea. I also suggest that you don't tease your sub about it or make threats about doing so. Mentioning such things to a horny sub might subconsciously ingrain him with such desires. Sure there are exceptions to every rule, especially if your sub is already fixated on such a fantasy, but for the most part I'd suggest you avoid this particular scenario. What's best is to enlist the help of someone else and play out a scenario, but, like I said, that's for next time.

Friday, July 29, 2011

Humiliation in Private

A lot of people have humiliation fetishes. In fact, it's one of the most common fetishes among submissive males and females, but since it's not a specific act in and of itself, there's not much talk about it compared to other fetishes. Like all fetishes, play ranges from the light to the extreme, and most subs prefer something on the lighter end of thing. A lot of tops are put off by the idea of public play, and thus quickly dismiss humiliation. But there's actually no need to bring in a third party for humiliation play. Choosing to ignore humiliation when your sub craves it can lead to a misunderstanding of your sub and his motivations. But most importantly, it can be fun to explore! While public and private humiliation are quite similar for the most part, I'm going to focus on the private angle in this post.

There are some acts enjoyed by submissives solely because they are humiliating, such as being forced to ejaculate on his own face or eat his own cum, but most are also tied directly to other fun, kinky fetishes. This tends to lead anyone with a humiliation fetish into a wide variety of areas. These include but are not limited to foot fetishes, rimming, spanking, blackmail, and feminization (such as maid play). Much of kink oriented play has a humiliation angle you can work with. There are some things you can do to make such play more humiliating, or make kinky play that's not necessarily humiliating, humiliating.

Actually, just the way you speak to or about your sub can be humiliating for him. Using belittling names such as "slave," "pet," "boy," "girl," or "missy" can be humiliating. As can degrading names such as "slut," "tart," "whore," "bitch," and "tramp." You can talk to him like a kid, and even scold him like a child. Another trick is to force him to repeat every command you give, as a confirmation. You can even go as far as having him confirm everything you say. As a side note, if you wanted to mix some humiliation into a regular day you can require him to ask permission to do anything, even go to the bathroom, but since this extends outside of play time it tends to eventually get annoying, for both of you. Nonetheless, it can be fun for an evening or day.

Another simple humiliation trick is to get your sub to admit he enjoys something very submissive or humiliating. I know, it's very meta, but it's true and often overlooked. If someone gets off on doing something humiliating, such as eating their own cum, then making them admit it is also humiliating. Whenever you're doing this, make the sub tell you in complete and full sentences. None of this, "Yeah, I do" crap. Have him tell you in a convincing manner, and in his own words. Make him repeat it, and then make him say it louder. You can take it further and have him ask or even beg for it. Perhaps even get him to beg for something you know he doesn't like.

Another way to make humiliating or submissive play more humiliating is to take pictures of your sub as you play. Even if you have no intention on sharing them, even if he knows you have have no intention of sharing them, it still makes thing more humiliating. It's true this sort of humiliation is heightened by the risk that you might show someone, so if you can come across as undecided on the matter, that will help. You can ponder out loud to yourself what reaction your sister, friend, neighbor, etc. might have if they were to see them. And ask him how embarrassed he would be if this person saw the pictures. You don't need a detailed response, you just want him thinking about what it would be like rather than if it would really happen. I also suggest avoiding bringing up his immediate family as you want him humiliated, not afraid. You can also reflect out loud on pictures as you take them. Don't tell him that he looks fat or strange at a certain angle; rather focus on elements of the scene that would be humiliating even for flattering pictures. Tell him what a good shot of his ass that was, or how clearly you could see his balls in that last one. That sort of thing. You can remark on how you couldn't imagine what you'd have to pay someone to pose for this sort of thing, but yet he is enjoying it. If he's not hard, make him erect or have him get himself erect, "so anyone who sees the pictures will know you are enjoying yourself."

Everything for pictures basically goes for video as well, but video tends to be more humiliating because it also records audio. You can do basically the same thing as you did with the pictures and it will work great. Since you are also recording what he says this opens up new ways to humiliate him. For example, you can ask things that are intentionally embarrassing. A fun approach to take is to set up the camera in a way that makes it look like he's doing these things on his own, and of his own accord. Stop the camera to direct him, and then start it up again when you're done speaking. Of course if you wanted to you could edit out your talking from the video, but really you'll most likely just end up deleting the videos and actively directing him off camera makes what you're doing more obvious and more humiliating. You could even combine this my earlier suggestion and film a "confession" of his perversion. You could even film it as if it were his personal video blog post.

I couldn't decide, but since small penis humiliation is actually becoming more common, I'm going to mention it briefly. However, I'd go as far as to say it's almost unrelated to the humiliation fetish. First of all, while it can be embarrassing, it mostly comes off as rude and debasing. It's akin to teasing someone about how fat they are. Secondly, it's not even true most of the time. I've seen quite a few cocks in real life and none have really stood out as being small. I'll admit I've seem some that were large, but none I would consider small. This break from reality makes it an alternative universe type of fantasy. These include fantasies where the women are giants, and fantasies where women rule the world and all men are slaves. It's just too far from reality for me to take seriously, and any humiliation based on something so obviously false just doesn't do it for a lot of people into humiliation. That is, unless they truly have a small cock, but then we're back to just being mean. As you can tell, I'm not a fan of small penis humiliation. I prefer to stick to real forms of humiliation. I suggest you stick to humiliation based on the sub's wonderful perversions, not his faults.

With the right approach most tasks can be humiliating and still be between just you and your pet. Verbal cues and your own reactions make the biggest difference. Somethings do become less humiliating quite quickly, but only because you get use to them and your reactions change. Sure, your sub can become numb to certain humiliating things, but with the right "encouragement" you can stretch out the life of such things greatly, perhaps even indefinitely. That said, I should add that the more fun you have with it, the more humiliating it will be; so be sure find things or approaches you enjoy, and don't worry too much about "wearing" them out. If you're having fun with it you'll stumble across or think of things that you can do in the future to keep the humiliation thriving.

Friday, July 22, 2011

Dice

I was getting rid of an old board game we've had forever, but decided to save the pair of dice. (Here are some digital dice.) I thought it would be great to mix a little randomness into our kink. Sure there are some obvious uses such as number of minutes to masturbate for, or number of clothes pins to put on, but surely there must be other, more clever uses, for dice. Unfortunately, all the dice games I found turned out to be extremely vanilla.

I decided to make up a little dice game for deciding what task my hubby will do for me. I made this with quick but kinky orgasms in mind. More specifically, to give him something to be doing at the point of orgasm.

For this you roll the pair of dice and line them up with the body part and task. Take the lowest numbered die to look up the body part, then use the highest numbered die to look up the given task. The beautiful thing about this is that it only allows certain actions. Since the lower numbered die picks the body part, you'll never get a "touch lightly" on "feet." Even if you picked the values of the two dice, you can't make a combination that allows it.
#body part
1legs
2feet
3breasts
4clit
5vagina
6anus
#given task
1touch lightly
2massage
3lick
4kiss lightly
5kiss passionately
6suck on

Here's another one I made up to help with quick and kinky sessions. This one is for deciding what to do to your sub. Again, lowest number chooses body part and higher number chooses the action. His balls can take every action, while his lips can only hold clothes pins. If you don't have an e-stim or shocking device, I suggest you replace it with a flick from a rubber band.
#body part
1balls
2cock
3perineum
4ass
5nipples
6lips
#action
1hang weight
2wrap with rubber bands
3e-stim / shock
4spank
5wartenberg wheel
6clothes pins

I'll post other things as I come up with them. We'll see if this turns out to be a worth while venture. If anyone knows of any kinky dice games or can come up with any on their own feel free to leave a comment here or email me using the link on the right of my blog.